


You'll Never Be Alone

by Coykoi89



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types
Genre: Adam and Barbara are only in mention, Adult Lydia Deetz, Bad Puns, Can't do it, Canonical Character Death, Drinking, Engagement, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Headcanon, Implied Sexual Content, Lydia's parents know about Beetlejuice, Mild Language, Minor Violence, No Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Puns & Word Play, Romance, Shipping, Smoking, Strained Friendships, Strained Relationships, Tags May Change, True Love, protective Beetlejuice, sorry - Freeform, story is a mix between movie and cartoon, tags you know i hate em, what am I doing with my life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-03-17 03:04:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 65,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13650096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coykoi89/pseuds/Coykoi89
Summary: Though she knows she should be wary, still she dares to venture back to someplace scary.  What ghostly haunting will she turn loose?  Ya know, besides just Beetlejuice?  Four years have passed since Lydia Deetz stopped talking to her once best friend Beetlejuice.  Now, she invites him back into her life in hopes of reconciling their friendship and obtaining his approval of her new fiance Victor Black.  Emotionally armed for whatever her once dear friend might throw her way, she reaches out with her voice and calls back an old friend and reunites with other friends along the way.  What will old BJ have to say about her engagement?  Keep reading to see what unfolds for this odd pair.





	1. Broken Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Well, a first chapter of something besides Undertale! I just recently acquired an early Valentine's Day gift from my sweet hubby and it happens to be the complete 94 episode collection of Nickelodeon's animated series "Beetlejuice". I asked my mom if she remembered the show and she rolled her eyes saying, "How can I forget? You only watched it obsessively." So yeah, nothing like nostalgia! Anyway, here is my first chapter on a headcanon for events taking place post canon of the show and will be a balance of elements from the movie as well as the cartoon. (Everyone on the interwebs seems to be a fan of this concept like me, so hopefully it goes over well). In this chapter Lydia travels back home to announce her new engagement to her family and friends as well as introduce her new fiance to some even older friends. We get see Beetlejuice's reaction to being called after four years of no contact with his best bud. What adventure awaits them in this reunion?

 

 

>  " _You know I would do anything for ya, right babes?"  
>  _
> 
> _"Yes, Beetlejuice.  Haha!"_
> 
> _"And, ya know I'll always protect you too?  No matter what?"_
> 
> _"Of course Beej!  And I'll always have your back."_
> 
> _"Really?  Ya promise?"_
> 
> _"I promise.  Now, what's gotten into you today?  What's with all the sentimentality, Beej?"_
> 
> _"Oh, nothin', babes!  Just, had a thought spinning in my head is all.  Hey!  Wanna see me really spin some heads?!"_
> 
> _"Oh, BJ...  What am I to do with you?..."_
> 
>  
> 
> * * *

 

Early dawn peaked through the crevices of the blinds causing Lydia Deetz to stir in her bed.  The warmth of the autumn sun beckoned her attention as she pulled the blanket over her head and yawned.  She rubbed her entire face with both hands and shook her thoughts clear.  'I had that dream again...  Why does _his_ voice keep haunting my dreams?  I thought for sure I would have left him behind by now.'  She reached to the other side of her bed to find it empty yet still warm.  Sitting up she found a note attached to a single white lily.  She smiled fondly reading what the letter had to say:

 

 

 

>   _Was c_ _alled into work early.  Enjoy your day off, sweetie.  You deserve it.  Be ready for a special dinner tonight for our two year anniversary._  
>  _I know it's still a couple of weeks away, but I think we should celebrate early.  I had my mother pick you out the perfect dress and_  
>  _shoes.  SURPRISE!  The outfit along with another surprise is hanging in your closet.  Be ready by 6pm.  I can't wait to see you tonight!_
> 
> _\-- V._

"Vick!!  You shouldn't have!" Lydia chastised her boyfriend as if he were still lying next to her.  Immediately rushing to the closet she found a satin cocktail dress the shade of crimson hanging sideways in her closet.  It was slender fitting with a black lace overlay and black lace sleeves.  The bust was straightline with a black accent at the top and bottom of the skirt and Lydia was thrilled with it as she quickly took it off the hanger to try it on.  Next, she saw the shoes.  A lovely pair of red stilettos with matching black ribbons tied in a bow sat underneath where the dress was hung.  "Wow, Victor!  You _really_ shouldn't have...  But your mother knows me so well!"  Giddy with excitement, she danced in her little walk-in closet until she bumped into a low shelf knocking over a big, dusty box labeled ***B.J. - DO NOT OPEN*** and another long velveteen box that had been set loosely on the hangers next to the dress.  Quickly, Lydia gathered the tiny velvet box and the old cardboard one and flopped down on her bed.  Instantly, her mood changed as she cradled the old, worn box in her hands and stared at the letters "B.J." written in thick, black marker.  She repeated the words "Do not open" in her mind as her fingers toyed with the misshapen corners that had been weathered from always being pushed to the bottom or back of her stuff.  "Do... do I dare open it?  Afterall, he was my best friend... after we moved past him trying to marry me by force.  Haha!...  No...  I'll put it up for now.  Besides, he's probably not thinking too fondly of me anyway since I just up and abandoned him the way I did."  She pushed the box back into its position and returned to the smaller box opening it with rekindled eagerness.

Nestled snugly inside was a black diamond tennis bracelet with ruby accents in between.  "Aw!  Vick!  You know you don't have to buy me expensive gifts...  I'd much rather have you here on your supposed day off.  Oh well.  You have to make a living too, I guess.  I shall see you tonight then!"  Lydia continued her little dance into the kitchen to find some breakfast and start her day.  Passing the hours with routine chores and primping for her date, she continued singing her favorite song, Shake Senora, and dancing like a maniac.  'Wow, _we_ used to dance to this song and sing it all the time...  Darn that box for falling on my head.  Now my mind is trying to stroll down memory lane, and just when I thought I could forget about him and move on with my life,' she thought in melancholy staring at her lipstick tube.  "Maybe...  maybe I should give him another chance...  It _has_ been four years and I  _do_ miss his crazy antics.  I just wish he hadn't lied to me all that time... and Victor wouldn't have lasted a week with Beej around; just like all the others.  Oh, damn it, Beej!  If only you hadn't chased off every guy I dated or tried to date, mentally scarred them, and lied to me about it, then... then you would still be in my life...  I never would have cut ties with you.  I still don't understand _why_ you did such a thing but I couldn't have someone in my life trying to alienate me from my friends or others I care about.  Funny though, of all the promises he made it turned out to be _me_ who broke mine."

Suddenly, her vampire alarm clock went off telling her she had fifteen minutes left to be ready.  She headed to her full mirror, gave herself a fast look-over, fastened her new bracelet, and grabbed her jacket.  Victor was notoriously punctual, which she greatly appreciated as someone who also prided herself in being punctual.  By the time she locked up her apartment, made it down the six flights of stairs and exited the lobby, it was approaching six in the evening and Victor was already waiting for her.  "Ah!  Madame, you look positively lovely!  Mom did a good job picking out that dress!  Remind me to thank her later," he complimented both women.

"Thanks, Vick!  You look nice tonight as well in your grey suit.  So, where are we headed on this dark and dreary evening?" Lydia asked

"To your favorite restaurant, of course!  It's not often we have time off together with my hectic work schedule and your studies, so I wanted to treat you to something extra special tonight."  He grinned as he ran his fingers through his coiffed chestnut hair brushing it to the side.

"Aw, Vick, you're so sweet.  How did I end up so lucky?  But, seriously, you know you don't have to spoil me?  I'm a fairly low maintenance and independent woman, you know."

"I know!  That only makes me want to pamper you even more because I know you truly appreciate what I do for you.  By the way, Mom might have picked out the outfit, but yours truly picked out the bracelet and paid for it all.  Oh!  And, to be honest, I have one more surprise for you tonight, my love."

"Geeze, Vick.  It's only our two year anniversary.  No need to go all out like this."  She shied away a little at the thought of being doted on so much.  Typically, Lydia would have avoided Victor's type at all costs, but she met him before he had his internship with the law firm over two years ago and he could barely afford his own rent back then.  He had moved in across the hall from her own apartment and her philanthropic nature couldn't ignore his obvious need for basic necessities.  She helped him out most of their friendship bringing "leftovers" she couldn't finish and mending or tailoring his clothes when she offered or on the rare occasions he was brave enough to ask.  She even started inviting him over to help him study for his Bar exam and watch movies until it became a regular thing and, eventually, _they_ became a regular thing.  From the first paycheck a year and a half ago, he began buying her trinkets here and there to repay her kindness until it became a habit for him to drop money on whatever he thought she may desire.  Each and every time, Lydia tried to refuse the gifts telling him she just wanted to spend time with him.  However, her attempts were to no avail.  Victor insisted on her having whatever she desired when he could afford to give it.  As they dated, their admiration and love for each other grew until they wound up here.  She wasn't about to let a little overkill on affection ruin something worth while, so she decided to put up with the antics.

"What are you talking about, Lyddi?  This is barely a date.  Had I more time to prepare, we would be doing a lot more than dinner - that's for sure."  Lydia rolled her eyes seeing that mischievous twinkle in his green ones.  Deciding that her protests obviously were falling on deaf ears, she leaned back in her seat and stared out the window at the busy city lights.  Fall time in California was beautifully dreary with grey skies and rain for a lot of the season making it the perfect place to earn her doctorate of veterinary medicine.  Though it was warmer than her Connecticut home, she found that it wasn't all that bad being close to the beach especially when she was between paychecks with her job on campus.

Finally, they arrived at the little cafe where she absolutely fell in love with their food.  The evening went as smoothly as any other night on the town until Lydia noticed her boyfriend gradually becoming nervous as the night went on until she was compelled to ask, "Vick, is everything alright?  You seem awfully tense tonight.  What's troubling you?"

"Huh?  Oh, nothing.  Hey, Lyddi, we've known each other for over two years now and we've been together for most of that time, right?  Well, I was thinking that, with the sudden influx of steady income, that we could move in together.  And, I don't just mean into one of our apartments - I mean...  I mean buy an actual _house_ together.  Lydia...  I-I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want you to make my house a home.  I-I love you Lydia Deetz and I want to make you Mrs. Lydia Black.  Will you marry me Lyddi and let me make you as happy as you make me?"  Victor pulled out a smaller black velvet box and got down on both knees to present an oval cut black diamond surrounded by white diamonds and set in white gold with bat wings engraved on both sides.

"Vick!!" Lydia gasped in shock.  "I-I, uh, this is so unexpected!  I don't know what to think, Vick."  Glancing around the room, she could see all the customers and staff waiting for her answer.  It was if the world has stopped to revolve around her for just a moment in time, and the anticipation on everyone's face told her they were holding their breaths as if the moment would last forever.

"Lyddi, I just want you to know how grateful I am to you for everything you do.  And, should you say yes, I promise with everything I have that you'll never be alone again.  I'll be by your side for as long as I live.  What do you say, sweetheart?"

"Y-Yes!  Yes, I'll marry you!"  His green eyes smiled as he swept her up off her feet and spun her around with much enthusiasm all while the unsuspecting audience applauded the couple.

"Yes!  She said yes, people!  I'm now engaged to the most lovely woman in the world!"  He set her down and kissed her sweetly before paying the check and escorting her to the car.  "Oh, Lyddi!  I can't wait to pick out a house and move our stuff in and we no longer have two bedrooms together but one!  This is great!  I can't wait to tell our parents."

"Yeah, our parents...  I'm not sure how mine are going to feel about this, Vick.  I mean, they haven't even met you yet and now we're officially engaged.  I know this is what _I_ want but my parents, well, Delia can be a bit eccentric.  She's either going to blow up in a happy way or an angry way and I couldn't tell which it will be at this point."

"Well, then, why don't we spend Christmas break this year with your parents? - together?  I'm sure my parents won't mind us spending a few holidays away so you can spend time with your family.  This will be the perfect opportunity for them to get to know me.  What do you say, ~~babes~~?"

With a gasp, Lydia questioned, "What did you just call me?"

"I _said_ what do ya say, Lyddi?"

"Oh!  Sorry, I was lost in thought... I guess.  Yeah, that sounds nice.  Hey, Vick..."  Victor glanced out of corner of his eyes and turned back to the road making an inquisitive "Hmm" sound.  "I have someone else I need to seek approval from as well.  I hope you don't find it strange, but he's a very old friend of mine and we were once thick as thieves.  I've never mentioned him before but I know you have seen a box of mementos in my closet.  They're all things from _him_."

"You're not going to tell me he's an ex-boyfriend or something, are you?"

"No!-No!  Nothing like that, I promise!  He's an old childhood friend that I've lost touch with.  He... he did something I couldn't forgive him for at the time and I stopped talking to him.  Now, it only feels right to make amends and seek his blessing.  He's almost like family to me and I hurt him in the worst way."

"I didn't think you had a mean bone in your body, Lydia Deetz.  I learn something new about you everyday.  So what happened?  Do you want to talk about it?"

"Well, it felt like he was trying to isolate me from most of the world except I don't think that was his motive looking back.  I think he was just being over protective and I cut all contact with him afterwards.  How foolish of me, right?"

"No, I think you did what you felt was necessary at the time for you to grow and become a better you, even if that meant cutting chords to the past and trimming the dead weight so you could blossom."

'Boy, he sure hit the nail on the head with that one!  Let's see how he feels when he finds how just how "dead" that weight really was,' she thought with a rosy glow on her cheeks.  "I'm glad you're okay with meeting him, that is, if he'll forgive me enough to even speak to me..."

"If you two were as close of friends as you say you were, then I'm sure he'll forgive you.  Besides, who could stay mad at such a sweet woman as you?"

"Oh stop, Vick!  Don't tease me!"  He reached over to try and pinch her cheek while she swatted at him playfully.  Soon, he pulled into a parking spot at their complex and cut the engine.  "Well, Vick, your place or mine tonight?  It's your pick since you have led the evening thus far."

"It makes no difference to me as long as I get to rip that pretty dress off of you tonight," Vick flashed her a lecherous grin.

"No, don't rip it!  You're mother picked it out and it's such a pretty dress!  Can't you just untie it like a normal person?"  'Wait, since when have I ever done anything _normal_?'

"As you wish, mademoiselle.  Tonight is  _your_ night and I am at your command."  Lydia giggled as he wrapped an arm around her waist and walked her to her apartment.

Sunday morning sunshine peaked between the grey clouds and danced on Lydia's face causing her to stir.  She yawned lazily and rolled over to find another warm body lying next to her.  A dreamy smile spread across her face as she snuggled closer only to be met with a sleepy arm curling underneath her pulling her closer.  Vick belonged to her today and the only thing on her mind was bad television and great junkfood after they woke up, of course.  Excited to start the day, Lydia rolled out of bed and rummaged through her clothes to find her favorite long shirt that originally belonged to Victor.  Once covered, she stepped into the kitchen to make some breakfast and pick out the movies for their lazy-day viewing pleasure.  The smell of bacon and sausage filled the tiny apartment causing him to stir as well.  "Good morning!" Lydia greeted in a hazy voice.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Vick mumbled as he kissed her temple.  "Smells good...  I'll be on the couch..."  Lydia giggled and stirred the batter for pancakes.  It wasn't long before she was serving her fiance a plate and seated beside him on the couch stuffing her face with syrup soaked blueberry pancakes.  All day they lounged around laughing at various comedies and enjoying some of her favorite horrors.  A long time passed with them just making small talk between title screens until Vick asked out of the blue, "So, what is your friend like?  The one you never mentioned until last night?"

Lydia nearly choked on her soda.  "Well, uh, I... I don't really know how to answer that until you meet him.  He can be a little eccentric too and he's quite the comedian.  Oh!  And his pranks are to die for!" 'Literally...'

"Sounds like a real card.  I just can't picture you being friends with someone who sounds so wild, let alone, best friends."

"Yeah, neither could my parents when they learned about our friendship.  Especially after he tried to do something kind of horrible to me... but I forgave him once I knew his apology was sincere and he just took a liking to me, I guess.  After that, we were inseparable.  I don't recall many days we didn't spend together until I kicked him out of my life...  But that's neither here nor there.  You might not even get to meet him, so I'll tell you more about him when the time comes... _if_ the time comes..."  Popping another handful of kettle corn into her mouth, Lydia continued the movie.  'Why is the very mention of him making me so nervous?  Get a hold of yourself, Lydia!  It's not like Beej made the decision hard and it's not like he got down on his knees and begged you to stay.  He probably won't even forgive you, not easily anyway.  He can be so stubborn!  Why is my mind _still_ occupied by this?  Enough Ms Deetz-or future Mrs. Black.  Focus on the damn movie before your muddled vibes give you away that something's bothering you.  Vick is pretty good at picking up on that...'  Her emotions were temporarily rampant as the introduction panned into the beginning credits of the next movie.  Only once had she been so nervous about calling that name until now and she couldn't place why to save her life.  However, one thing was certain.  She was excited at the idea of seeing his face again and hearing his southern voice crack those awful jokes.  The very idea of wrapping her arms around his chubby beer belly and seeing him pull all of his old tricks made her heart thump a little too hard in her chest.  Somewhere, in the darkest corners of her mind, she whispered his name, yet only to herself.  'Beetlejuice...'

 

* * *

 

He sat up in a cold sweat and checked his surroundings only to find he was home in his own bed.  His body shivered as if someone had walked over his long forgotten grave.  'If I didn't know any better, I'd swear Lyds called my name... impossible...'  Letting out a sigh of relief, Beetlejuice checked his clock.  "It's already after ten?" he muttered to himself.  "Damn..."  He leaned back against the headboard of his new bed, lit up a cigarette, and immediately noticed a slender, curvy figure wrapped up tight under the blankets next to him.  'Ah shit...  Way to go, BJ.  Ya brought one home again...  I really gotta to stop drinkin' at Dante's Inferno.  Well, time to have the piss smacked out of ya.'  "Hey, miss - miss, wake up!"

The lovely figure rolled over and stretched after being awakened suddenly from her sleep.  "Mornin' BJ," she yawned.  "Is it time for me to leave already?"

"Lana!  Thank the Nether-gods.  If it were anyone else, I'd be as broke as my jokes.  How much do I owe ya?"  Beetlejuice felt the tension in his chest release as soon as he heard her voice.  Lana might have been the bartender at Dante's, but she had taken it on herself to to look after him when he lost Lydia, though she didn't have to.  A couple of weeks after his and Lydia's falling out, he started coming back around and his visits became longer, more frequent, and more expensive.  Not that she would have complained about the increase in profit, but the mess he left in his wake was enough to make her question if the extra business was worth it.

"Um, you seem to have mistaken me for a babysitter, BJ.  I don't charge for care taking.  Besides, you might be broke anyway.  If not, some of your poker buddies might want to break you... or break something over you."

"What do you mean by 'care taking' and 'babysitting'?  What the hell happened last night?"

"Well, after your sixth shot of tequila, you joined in on poker and weaseled a bunch of poor saps out of their hard earned cash.  Then, you hustled some pool after three more shots, had a couple more shots, tried to take one of my girls home... _again_ , and passed out with your head in the toilet before you had your fifteenth shot.  Good thing you're already dead or you would have drowned.  So, I picked ya up, walked ya home, tossed ya in a cold shower-"

"Aw, yuck!-"

"Don't you give me that sass," Lana snapped as she rolled up her stockings and fastened her shoes.  "You had your own blow in your hair and everything.  I nearly tossed _my_ cookies gettin' ya clean.  I _should_ charge you, but I won't.  I _will_ say this though.  In my opinion, you either need to find Miss Lydia and reconcile with her-"

"Oh, God!  Not this spill again!" he groaned

"-or give up the ghost - so to say.  You've been a mess since she left and it's ruining your afterlife."

"Oh, you mean you're still here?  I thought you would have left by now."

"You're not funny, BJ!  The only reason you want me gone is because I'm the only one who'll tell ya to your face that you need to move on from this rut you've been stuck in for the past four years.  Why don't you go find the girl and make up with her?"

"'Cause, Lana, I already told you...  I made a promise that I would do anything to make her happy.  If me being out of her life is what will make her happy, then I'm gonna keep this promise even if it is the only one I can say I've ever kept.  Besides, she would have called me by now if she wanted to speak with me."

"Maybe she's waiting for you to come find her.  I say you should get down on both knees and grovel at her feet.  You two used to be so close..."

"Can we maybe stop talkin' about her?"

"Not until you come to your senses!  You even said it yourself that you both would have been alone and miserable if not for each other, especially  _her_ after the Maitland couple found peace."

"Tch!  Good riddance...  Haven't you left yet?"

"You know what, BJ?  Next time, I'll let you swim in the toilet bowl, how 'bout that?  Or I could let one of those scoundrels you cheated take ya.  I don't have to look after you, ya know.  Geeze, I figured you'd show a little more gratitude than that."

"Climb back in this bed and I'll show you all the gratitude ya want, dollface."  Beetlejuice gave his friend a cheeky grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"No thanks.  I have standards, and I know where you've been, mister."

"Eh, worth a shot.  Here, have somethin' for your troubles, Lana.  I know it's hard workin' all night and stayin' up to babysit my dead ass."  He pulled a wad of cash out of his wallet and handed it to the lady.

"Ooh!  Thanks, BJ!  Okay, I'm all ready.  Take care, hun."  She crossed the room to plant a kiss on his temple and sauntered to the door, but paused before exiting.  Looking back over her shoulder, she purred, "See ya tonight."  Once he heard the front door latch, he let out a weary sigh and ran his fingers through his freshly shampooed hair.

"Ugh!  She wasn't kiddin'!  She really 'took me to the cleaners', ha!"  His smile didn't last though.  He was alone in his house once again with the deafening silence that echoed through every room.  Just for a moment, as he put out his smoke, he wondered what Lydia had been up to all this time and if she ever actually thought about him.


	2. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia arrives home to a warm welcome but grows progressively anxious over her engagement announcement and calling out to a lost friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm going to start by saying that I forgot my disclaimer in the first chapter. Any copyright characters belong to their creator Tim Burton. Any original characters belong to me. And I also forgot an ending note. Oops. Well, I guess I would say that I don't want to make this a long running piece but we'll see how it goes. Now that business is out of the way, please feel free to comment! I don't bite... much. :D

The flight back home to Peaceful Pines was relatively smooth all except for the two hour delay due to weather.  The closer their ride approached the airport, the more Lydia's stomach churned.  All she could think about was how her parents were going to react to her sudden engagement and how she would approach telling everyone.  Over and over in her head she rehearsed her announcement until she was satisfied.  Now, she just had to find the right timing and, with her parents, timing was everything.  By the time the airplane landed, Lydia had Victor's hand in a death grip unlike any other.  "Relax, Lyddi!  It's not like they're going to chop you up into little pieces and bury you in the back yard.  They're your parents!  At worst, they'll disapprove and express complete disappointment in you," Vick laughed.

"Stop it, Vick!  You're getting my hopes up _way_ too high," she teased back.

"Honestly, everything will be fine.  We just landed and it's only a little past six p.m., we'll pick up the rental, grab a bite to eat, then we chill with your parents until I've won them over with my endearing charm and dashing good looks-"

"Oh you are full of yourself today!"

"Haha!  I know.  I just wanted to see you smile.  You have sat with a broody look on your face almost the entire way and it's worrying me.  I like it better when you're happy."

"I _am_ happy; just a little nervous...  I don't understand how you're so calm."

"I'm not.  I'm just hiding it.  At work, I deal with copious amounts of stress and I've actually started to master holding my poker face under pressure."  He looked to her with a grin and gave a little wink.  Lydia had to admit that he was indeed charming which was an aspect that made him such a successful lawyer.

'Maybe Mom and Dad will find him endearing.  He's such a sweet guy after all...'  Soon, the plane unloaded and the two love birds were on their way to find their rental car and grab a quick meal.  The winter air was just as freezing as she remembered.  Every inhale was like breathing ice and it burned after being in California for so long.

"Man, the fresh air is so nice after being stuck on a plane that long.  The icicles forming in my lungs don't even bother me!"  Lydia slugged his shoulder and gave a chuckle before closing the trunk to their temporary ride.  "Okay, I don't want to make an ass of myself, so I want to get a couple of things in order before we arrive.  First of all, is Delia your mom or stepmom?  I don't remember."

"Delia is my stepmom but she practically raised me.  I go back and forth between 'mom' and her name, but mostly it's just 'mom'."

"And she's a sculptor.  Your dad is a real estate agent, correct?"

"Yes, and neither of them care too much for my love of all things strange and macabre."

"But-but!...  That's... that's what I admire most about you!  You're not afraid to show your passion for the darker side of life and I happen to find that exceptionally attractive in woman."  Without missing a beat, Victor took Lydia's hand and placed a kiss on the back of it.

"Now you're just trying to suck up!  Quit goofing off, Vick.  These roads become dangerous after a big snow and you're not used to driving in it."

"Sorry, Lyddi.  I was trying to get a rise out of you, but I wasn't joking about finding your affinity for the dark attractive.  I love watching you mess with your tarot cards and your nightly walks for photographic inspiration are very peaceful."

"Thanks, Vick.  You know, you're one of the very few in my life to ever understand that about me.  I appreciate it."

"Let me guess...  the first is your friend you want me to meet."

"Actually, no.  The first was the Maitlands.  Adam and Barbara owned the house before we bought it and we became fast friends.  They enjoyed my love for otherworldly things as well and it even helped them out once when they were in a real bind."

"Oh!  Do they still live around here?  Are they going to be meeting me as well?"

"Actually, they've been gone for a couple of years...  Not real sure where they're at now..."  Lydia's voice audibly lowered at the thought of her forgotten friends.  They said they were going to rest yet neither had a clue as to what that actually meant.  Victor picked up on the fluctuation of her tone and gently squeezed her hand in comfort.

"Well, I'm meeting other friends of yours anyway.  Maybe one day you'll get back in touch with them."

"Oh, I doubt that..." she sighed turning her head to peer out the window.  It wasn't long before the top of her roof could be seen in the distance causing her stomach to churn.  'Why am I so damn anxious?  Well, I guess it's not typical that I bring a fiance home for Christmas.  Haha!  I _really_ hope they like Vick...'

The first thing she noticed was the extra cars in the driveway which should have been a giveaway that something was off.  Nevertheless, Lydia just assumed her parents were entertaining guests, but oh was she wrong.  Upon entering the dark living room and flicking on the lights, the couple was greeted with the sound of a large crowd shouting, "SURPRISE!!  Welcome home, Lydia!"  She looked on with wide eyes as she scanned the faces of the party guests.  Many were just her parents' coworkers that she grew up knowing, but once she spotted Delia, her father, Prudence, and Bertha she relaxed a bit.

"Welcome home, sweetheart!  It's so nice to have you for the holidays," Delia welcomed her in.  "And this must be Victor!  It's a pleasure to finally meet you.  Lydia speaks highly of you when she calls...  _when_ she calls."

"Sorry, Mom.  I get busy and lose track of time," Lydia explained.

"It's good to have you home, pumpkin," Charles said hugging his daughter.  "Nice to meet you, Victor."

"I'm excited to finally meet Lyddi's parents after all this time.  Please, call me Vick.  Everyone does until I'm in trouble," Vick told him shaking Charles' hand.

"Well, Vick, I hope you enjoy your stay.  Pumpkin, I hope it doesn't bother you that we threw you a surprise party.  Delia found out you were coming and got all kinds of excited.  You know how she is."

"You're alright.  Any reason for Mom to throw a party is a good reason.  Haha!  I'm just glad to see she actually invited people I know this time.  Speaking of which!  Bertha!-Prudence!  I'm so happy to see you two!  Vick, I want to introduce you to a couple of my good friends.  Come on!"  Lydia yanked his sleeve and met the others halfway across the room.

"Lydia!  Welcome back to the land of the living!...  Well, you know what I mean...  It's been too long!" Bertha cried as she threw her arms around Lydia's neck.

"Yes, I'm glad I decided to come home for the holidays!" Prudence agreed wrapping her arms around the two from the opposite side squishing Lydia between them.

"Aw!  I missed you guys so much!  Oh, almost forgot!  I need to introduce my boyfriend.  Bertha, Prudence, this is my steady boyfriend Victor Black.  Vick, meet Bertha and Prudence."

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, ladies.  You can call me Vick for short if you like," Victor introduced himself casually.

"Oh my gosh, Lydia!  He's so adorable!  Where did you find him?" Bertha gushed.

"Bertha!  Can we at least wait until he's not paying attention before we talk about him?  If his ego inflates anymore tonight, I won't be able to fit him his head through the garage door," Lydia giggled.

"It's not _that_ inflated is it??  Anyway, I thought you had another friend to introduce me to?" Vick questioned.

"Lydia, you're not?..." Prudence gasped.

"Prudence!  How do you even know I'm talking about...  BJ?"

"The fact that you just assumed that's who _I_ assumed it was tells me it's BJ.  Are you sure about this?  I mean, he wasn't always the best at handling your significant others and alternate friends - besides us, of course."

"I've given it a considerable amount of thought and... yes.  It's time to make amends."  The two gave their friend a skeptical look and turned their attention to Vick who seemed rather confused by the conversation.  "Vick, why don't you go socialize with my dad and get to know each other better?  Bertha, Prudence, and I need to catch up."

"Alright.  As you wish, milady.  But, before I wander off, why won't you say your friends name?  You have yet to tell me who he is and now you're using initials?  Why?"

"I can't tell you why until you meet him and you, hopefully, _will_ meet him tonight.  Now, go."

"Yes, ma'am!"  Vick chuckled as he made his way back to Charles.

Once out of earshot, Bertha squealed, " _Lydia_!  You are such a lucky dog!  Your man is so dreamy!  How long have you two been a thing?"

"We've been dating just over two years now and we've known each other for a little longer.  He moved in across the hall in my apartment complex and was in need, so I helped him until he didn't need it anymore.  Then, he started taking me out and here we are.  Nothing spectacular except for the man himself."

"Oh, Lydia, it's like you live a modern fairy-tale with your "spook"-tacular adventures, supernatural friends, and now prince charming has swept you off you're feet."

"You always have lead a fantastical life and we noticed it sometimes took its toll on you," Prudence steered the conversation back on course.  "Are you sure you want to let all that back into your life just when things have become... you know?  _Normal?_   And I'm not saying you should or shouldn't either!  Don't misunderstand, please!  As your friend, I'm concerned.  Not that our adventures with BJ wasn't... interesting to say the least, but he was a little overzealous at times which got us into some real trouble."

"I know, guys.  Don't forget, though, he was always there to bail us out of trouble as well.  Or, he tried to anyway.  It was usually _me_ bailing _him_ out," Lydia grinned at the thought of all those times she saved him from the sandworms and the correctional institution.  "Besides, I..."  She stopped right in the middle of her thought.  She hadn't made her engagement announcement yet and it wouldn't be fair if her two girl-friends knew before her parents.  Plus, she wanted to tell everyone _with_ Vick.  "Actually, can you two pause this conversation for a moment.  I have something important to take care of before everyone leaves."  Making a bee line for her betrothed, she ran head first into Claire Brewster.

"Oh my-gosh.  Even now you're a complete loser, Lydia Deetz.  Watch where you're going next time.  By-the-by, this party is a total snore-fest," the still overly tanned and bleached Barbie type insulted her old rival.

"What are you even doing here, Claire??  Who on Earth made _you_ feel welcome here?" Lydia fired back.

"Why, you're dear, old daddy is conducting some business with my father and he insisted I come along to catch up with an "old school friend".  Hmph!  As if!  Though, I can't believe that total cutie talking with our parents is here with _you_.  I guess you're finally starting to become somewhat normal.  Or are you going to put a curse on me just like you did everyone else back in school?  Should I be trying to repent for my trespasses on Miss Lydia Deetz?  Anyway, I'm going to beg my father to leave now.  He's my ride and I have, like, way better things to do."  Claire stormed off without even giving Lydia a chance to react.

'Good riddance!  I never would have wanted your leather face here anyway...  Hmm...  And there's that word again!  Maybe my life really is finally starting to become _normal_...'  Lost in thought, she grabbed Victor's hand and signaled that she was ready to tell the world their little secret.  Vick smiled and took her hand encouraging her to proceed.  "Attention!!" she called out to the crowd.  "May I have everyone's attention for just a moment?!  I promise this won't take long!"  The entire house grew silent and all eyes were on them with piqued curiosity.  "Mom, Dad!  I love you two very much and I truly appreciate the party but I really wasn't expecting to stand up here and tell the neighborhood my special news.  S-so forgive me... if I seem a little nervous...  Anyway!  Vick and I have something wonderful to tell you...  ...  We're engaged; we're getting married."

Utterly shocked, Delia gasped and dropped her wine glass on cue.  It landed with twinkling sound as glass and blood-red wine sprayed across the floor.  Completely ignoring the mess, she crossed the gap between them and looked them both square in the eyes.  "Lydia...  Is-is this true?  You're actually _engaged_?"

"Yes.  Look!  Isn't it beautiful?" her nervous daughter answered removing her black gloves to reveal the ring.

"Charles!  Lydia's all grown up...  Our little girl is getting married!!  Where has the time gone so fast?"  Delia cried wrapping her arms around Lydia.

"Well, son... welcome to our circus of a family," Charles addressed Vick with another handshake and a firm pat on the back.

"Thanks, Mr. Deetz!  It means a lot to hear you say that.  I just wish Lyddi had brought me over at least once prior to this but I had been so broke that I couldn't travel.  This was a problem for me since I couldn't have her paying my way.  I would have waited but I was so excited to propose that I couldn't hold it off another day.  I hope you can forgive the short notice," Vick explained.

"Honestly, I'm not surprised.  Lydia has always rushed from one adventure in her life to the next.  It was only a matter of time before my little pumpkin found a suitable husband and settled down."

"I'm just happy you two aren't mad!" Lydia shouted with delight.  After a round of applause and a little more doting, the party continued as normal.  The night carried on well after dark with the last two to leave being Bertha and Prudence who were hanging onto Lydia's every detail of her current home in California and her day-to-day with Victor.  They said their goodbye's and departed a few minutes before midnight leaving just Lydia, her parents, and Vick.

"Ah!  Alone at last!" Vick sighed.  "I'm sorry your friend didn't show up, Lyddi.  Maybe I can meet him another time-"

"Of course he didn't show up.  I haven't called him yet.  I knew he wouldn't be at this party.  Why don't you go wait upstairs in my old room while I have a quick talk with my parents, okay?"

"Sure.  This will give me a chance to snoop through your stuff while you're not looking, hehe!"  She just rolled her eyes and laughed.

Marching straight to her parents' room, Lydia experienced a moment of hesitation before knocking.  Was she making the right decision?  Maybe the past was better left to rest, but she would never know until she tried.  Giving up stopped being part of her vocabulary after meeting Adam and Barbara and she wasn't about to reject that ideology now because something made her a little uncomfortable.  With renewed confidence, she knocked firmly on their door.  "Come in, dear!" Delia called.

"Hey, guys!  I have another something to tell you, but you probably won't feel as enthused about it as you did the engagement."

"You're not pregnant are you?!"

" _What?!_   No!!  No!  Totally different topic!  I was just going to let you both know that I've decided to try and reconcile with BJ."

"Really??  Why?"  Delia shook her hair loose from its tight pin and cast Lydia a confused grimace.

"Well, once upon a time we were close and I think he has a right to know I'm getting married as well as being welcomed to the wedding.  He was a  _very_ dear friend once and I kinda miss that..."

"It's your life, Lydia.  Live it how you want, but if you ask me I would say you're opening Pandora's box."

"Well, even then, hope was waiting at the bottom of her box."

"Whatever makes you feel better, child.  Speaking of that kooky bastard, I have a little welcome home gift for you in your room."

"Oh?"  With sudden intrigue, Lydia followed her mom across the hall to her old room where Vick was respectfully admiring some of her old books and things.  Memories of a time not too long ago came flooding back to her mind and she felt her heart rise up into her throat the moment she looked to her old vanity.  She sucked in a sharp breath of air at the sight of her old mirror completely restored and waiting patiently for her to use it again.  "Mother!!  You fixed it!!"

"Ta-da!!  I had a new reflective piece cut and fitted just for you.  I know you loved this mirror so I decided to make it useful again."

"Thank you so much!" Lydia's eyes welled with sentiment until she recalled why it was broke in the first place.  Heartache soon replaced her fondness as she replayed that fight with Beetlejuice over again in her mind.  She could almost hear the shattering sound her mirror made as she ripped it off the desk and slammed her crystal ball into it.  Yelling at him - telling him she never wanted to see him again - was the last memory she had of her friend.  This forced another tear from her eye on its own.  "Alright, Mom, I'm ready if you don't want to see him."  Her voice nearly choked but she managed to hide her sorrow rather well.

"Tell 'Mr Beetlman' we send our best regards."  Delia told the two goodnight and retired to her bedroom.

"Well, Vick, are you ready?"

"For what, sweetie?"

"To meet my friend, of course."

"Lyddi... are you... are you feeling well tonight?  You keep talking about a friend, one that your parents don't seem to care for, yet there's no one here nor do you have a phone to contact anyone with.  Are you trying to pull a prank on me?"

"Not in the least, my love...  Alright, Beej.  It's showtime," is all she said before lighting her old, dust covered oil lamp and closing her curtains.  After a deep cleansing breath, she chanted, " _Though I know I should be wary-"_

"Lyddi?"

 _"-still I venture someplace scary_ -"

" _Lydia??"_

_"Ghostly hauntings, I turn-."_

"Lydia, stop!!  Honey..." Vick huffed.  "Look, tarot cards, crystals, and herbs are one thing.  A seance is a whole new subject all together.  Don't you know you're supposed to let the dead rest?  I mean, I get it.  You lost a dear friend and you want to make contact, but you can't just go around invoking spirits and messing with forces beyond your realm of control."

"Trust me, Vick, it's not entirely what you think.  This is one thing that should be  _completely_ within my control...  _Ghostly hauntings I turn loose!_   Beetlejuice!-BEETLEJUICE!- _BEETLEJUICE!!"_

The last syllable was still on her tongue when a thunderous rumble shook the house, green ethereal smoke filled the room, and a maniacal cackling surrounded them on all sides.  Victor stood in fear and awe at the sudden change in atmosphere but Lydia stared at her mirror with sparkling eyes.  Next came a rough voice that she knew all too well saying, "Well, looks like someone found that ad I left in one of old Juno's manuals.  So, how can the 'ghost with the most' help...  ..."  His snaggle-toothed grin immediately disappeared the moment he met eyes with his summoner.  Beetlejuice just stood there in the same manner as Vick:  eyes wide, mouth gaped, and hands limp at his sides.  "Lydia?...  Is... is it really you?" he asked purely dumbfounded.

"Welcome back, BJ," Lydia greeted him timidly unsure how he might react.  She braced herself for the worst as her heart pounded in her stomach.  There he was after all this time as if nothing had changed.  His yellow hair was unkempt, his striped suit was perfectly adorned, and his teeth were just as she remembered.

At the same time, conflicting emotions waged war inside Beetlejuice, however, a facade of aloofness won out in the end.  He decided not to give her the satisfaction in seeing the pain she caused him.  Instead, he clenched his jaw, crossed his arms, and shifted his stance.  With an uncharacteristically cool demeanor, he asked, "Why did you call me?  It's been nearly four years and I haven't received so much as a line from you."

"I know, Beej...  That's one reason I called you.  I was actually half afraid you wouldn't come."

"Duh!  Of course I came!  Did ya forget that I'm cursed?"

"I was afraid you might have found a way to break it with all of your new found free time," she reasoned.

"Babes, ya know there's only one incredibly impossible way to break the curse and that's to pawn it off on some other chump.  But, I'd hafta remember my real name before I could do that...  Why did ya call me again??"

Lydia felt a fluttering in her stomach hearing her old pet name and nearly forgot what she was doing and why she summoned him.  "BJ, I called you to apologize for what I did to you.  I'm so sorry I just pushed you out of my life without ever giving you a chance to explain.  I was going through a time in my life where I went from being sure about everything to being _unsure_ of everything.  I didn't know who I was anymore nor where I belonged.  If you can't forgive me, then I understand.  Just know I'm owning my mistake and am here to sincerely apologize."

B.J. dropped his guard and Lydia couldn't help but notice how his expression transformed into something resembling more of himself.  She took advantage and smiled her typical sweet smile in hopes that it would sway him like it used to.  "Lyds...  Do... ya mean it?  You're actually feeling guilty for leavin' me 'hanging' like that?"  He gestured by pulling a freshly materialized noose from around the back and pretending to be dangling from a scaffold.

"Haha!  Yes, Beej!  I wish I could go back and undo it all.  I know I can't do that, but I can keep my promise, going forward, that I will always have your back.  I won't leave you again, promise."

"I can't believe it!  You're back!  Babes is actually back!"  Beetlejuice shouted as he enveloped both of his arms around her, buried his face into the crook of her neck, and squeezed as hard as he could without hurting her.

"Ugh!  _Bee-Jay!!_ You smell worse than usual!!  And... is that _smoke_ I'm picking up?  Ugh!  And alcohol too?!  What the hell have you been doing since I've been gone??  Completely regressing to your former lifestyle?"

"Heh, yeah...  I really smell that bad??  Thanks, babes!!"

"Okay!  That's enough!  Will you _please_ stop calling my woman 'babe'?" Victor, who had been too stunned for words, finally made his presence known to their third party.

"Hey, Lyds, who's the asshole and why isn't he pissin' his pants right now?"

"Beej!  Don't be rude!" Lydia chastised.  "Um, he's the _other_ reason I called you here.  Beetlejuice, this is my fiance Victor Black.  He's not going to be afraid of my all my strange and unusual antics because he's used to them by now.  Vick, this is my best friend BJ - or Beej - but whatever you do, _do not_ say his full name.  If I say it two more times, he'll go back to the Neitherworld.  Calling back and forth gets old quick, so I just call him by a nickname."

" _Engaged!?_   For real, Lyds??  You're getting married?  To some turd?"

"Hey!  I'll have you know that I graduated in the top ten percentile at my alma mater and am in partner with an esteemed law firm making-" Vick began to rant.

"Yada-yada, yeah-yeah.  Fascinatin', bub.  A polished turd is still a turd and you stink big time."

" _Beetlejuice!!_   Stop it!  I thought we just made up!?" Lydia continued to fuss.

"That's strike two, babes.  And, yeah!  I thought we just agreed that you were wrong and I was right, as always?  So, are ya gonna trust my judgement this time or not?"

"Beej...  We didn't agree that your judgements were in good sense; we agreed that I was wrong to give up on our friendship so easily.  By the way, Vick happens to be a really sweet guy.  We've already been together for two years now and I came to receive your blessing for the marriage, you big goof."

"Wait a minute.  You summoned me back here to make up with me just to get my approval on some asshat?"

"No, Beej!  I wanted to make up with you because I miss you and want you to be a part of my life again.  Don't you see how important your blessing is to me?  Above everyone else, even my own parents, your opinion is the one I hold in the highest regard," Lydia's voice became thick as if she were about to cry.  The flight was long, the party was long, her wait in anticipation had been long, and now this argument was lasting way too long.  She was tired and weary of fighting already.  Beetlejuice simply cut his eyes away and scratched the back of his neck.

'Damnit...'  "Gettin' married and ya want my approval, huh?  Well, babes, that's hard to do when I don't even know the guy."

"Honey, he has a valid point even though I hate to admit it," Vick conceded.  "Sooo, why don't we... go and grab a... drink?  You said you drink, though you're a ghost?  We could maybe get to know each other better and start off on the right foot?"

"Tch!  Not on your life, sport.  I finally have Lydia back and I'm not about to leave her so soon."  Beetlejuice wrapped his arms around her affectionately and gave Vick a sly grin behind her back.

"Oh, you dirty ba-" Victor started to mumble

"-I have an idea!" Lydia interrupted oblivious that her fiance was even talking.  "Why don't you and I hang out tonight, BJ?  Then, tomorrow, you can spend some time with Vick while Delia has me out and about Christmas shopping.  You know she'll want to drag me out on her droll escapade out to town for bonding time.  That sounds like a compromise to me."

"Nope.  I'm 'stuck' to you like glue, babes.  See?"  He pulled back but the movement dragged Lydia with him causing her to stumble.

"Beej!  Quit messing around!  Vick means a lot to me and I would appreciate it if you two could get along."  B.J.'s face dropped as he snapped his fingers to release the adhesive.

"Would it make ya that happy?  If I cooperated and had a chat with this loser you're so interested in?  Well, if it means that much to ya then I guess tomorrow I'll... ya know.  Anything to keep a smile on your face, babes."

"Stop calling my fiance 'babe'!!  She's _my_ girl!"

"Suck it, new guy!  I was here first."

"Lyddi, your friend is impossible!"

"Yeah, he's quite the mess.  Classic Beej... he's always doing everything he can to keep me at whatever demented level of 'safe' that suites him.  Don't worry, dear, he'll warm up to you sooner or later.  You just need to be patient.  To be fair, I did warn you that he was eccentric and protective."

'More like territorial...' Vick thought.

"Vick, sweetie, it's late and there is no way my parents will be approve of us sharing a bed in their house.  You can take a guest room downstairs if you like, but BJ and I have some catching up to do."

"You're not serious?!"

"Sure am!  Don't worry, BJ already promised to behave during your time with him tomorrow.  So, get some rest and prepare for anything and I do mean _anything_ because even a simple trip to the Neitherworld can turn into the adventure of a lifetime at the drop of a hat.  Goodnight, love.  Sleep well."  Lydia kissed his cheek and shoved him out the door before shutting it in his face.

"Lyds??  Did you actually just _lie_ to him with that virtuous goody-goody line about sharing a room in your parents' house?" Beetlejuice asked with a smug grin

"Hush!  I wanted to speak with just you tonight.  I love Vick, but there are things I can only talk with _you_ about.  You know?"

"I'm so proud right now!  My bad influences have rubbed off on you after all!"

Meanwhile, outside the door, Vick stood baffled at what just happened.  "Son of a bitch stole my woman..." he voice out loud to no one in particular.  "I guess there's no harm in listening in.  Maybe I can understand the guy a little better and use what information I can gather to charm him tomorrow."

"Vick, I can still hear you.  Go to bed, honey.  It was an exhausting day, so rest!"

'Well, damn...  maybe if I leave and sneak back...'  "Alright, goodnight.  Don't _you_ stay up too late either, Lyddi."  As quietly as possible, Vick went downstairs to claim a room and ready himself for sleep.  He quickly returned to eavesdrop on the conversation and overheard bemused laughter.

It wasn't long before the laughter faded and Lydia's hushed voice could be heard saying, "So, you went completely downhill without me, eh?  Did my leaving hurt you that bad, Beej?"

"Well, I guess you could say that I was the ghost with the most to lose...  Without you here to keep me on the gnarled and crooked road, I kinda fell to pieces.  Then, I needed somethin' to occupy my free time so I went back to drinkin' which led to smokin', and, of course, when I get to drinkin' I end up at Dante's every. single. time.  Eventually, I started practically livin' there just drinkin' at the bar."

"I really am sorry, BJ...  I should never have done that to you, but you have to admit you took some things too far as well."

"I apologize for nothin'.  I did what I felt was necessary at the time to keep you safe."

"What happened to that couple wasn't necessary, Beej...  It still bothers me...  And, to make matters worse, everyone thought _I_ put a curse on them sending me further back into social damnation."

"Okay, maybe that one incident was my personal vendetta, but everything else was just my attempt to keep you safe.  I was willin' to go to any length even if it meant manipulating you into spendin' most of your time with me.  Some of those kids you started pallin' around with were trouble and not the fun kind either.  I didn't want ya to throw your future out the window."

"Look, Beej, you can't always protect me.  I needed to be able to make my own mistakes so I could learn from them.  That's just how life is.  I appreciate that you were worried, but what happens when you're not around to bail me out of trouble?"

"When would _that_ ever happen?  All ya gotta do is call my name."  Beetlejuice flopped down on the floor at Lydia's feet and pulled a cigarette out of his jacket pocket.

"Could you please not do that in my room?  Vick doesn't smoke and you know I certainly don't."

Immensely frustrated, he obliged sticking the little roll back into his pocket.  'Welp, time to give it up again...  Guess I'll stop hangin' around Dante's as well,' he told himself.

Lydia sighed and flopped back into her bed with splayed arms and strands of long, black hair tumbling all around her face.  He took note that it was longer than he remembered and considerably more tame as well.  Not that it was a bad thing.  In fact, he found her quite pretty the way it framed her face.  Honestly, she hadn't changed much other than her hair and the feminine habits she had picked up over the years.  This wasn't a negative either.  He could tolerate _her_ hygienic rituals more than he could tolerate others.  His thoughts were soon interrupted when she sighed again, "You just don't understand, BJ."  What was she going on about?  "Remember when my parents and I first moved here and we tried to get rid of you?  Remember how easy it was for you to keep us from saying your name?  What if someone else did that to me?  That's why I can't always rely on calling for you."

'Oh.  The conversation... right...'  "Well, babes, just don't send me back to the Neitherworld.  Keep me with you."

"You know I can't do that.  Eventually, you run out of steam and have to go back.  You're not meant for this world the way you are now.  I could if I would though.  I've missed you so much, Beej."  Lydia slid off her bed and curled up in his lap as if she were a child again.

Though slightly taken back by it, Beetlejuice instinctively wrapped his arms around her once more and mumbled into the crown of her hair, "I missed you too, babes."  The smell of her hair was the only sweet scent he could ever stomach since being dead, and he was unaware just how much he had been missing it until now.  Closing his eyes, he sat with her just breathing calmly, in and out, hoping it wasn't another dream.  Lydia was startled out of her trance with a loud knock on her bedroom door and instantly jumped out of B.J.s lap and onto her feet.  'So much for that...'

Answering the door, Lydia found Victor on the other side smiling in his charismatic way.  "Is something wrong, Vick?" she asked casually.

"I just came to steal a proper kiss goodnight.  I can't help it, Lyddi.  I'm missing you tonight."

"Listen, pal," Beetlejuice cut in.  "You want my approval?  Butt out and fly under my radar.  Do that and we won't have any problems."

" _Beetle-!_ Beej!  That's enough!  You have been nothing but rude to Victor since your eyes met.  What's your problem?"

"I don't trust him, babes.  As a ghost who has spent his entire afterlife being scandalous and up to no good, I am able to recognize when others are scandalous and up to no good.  I'm a master of deceit and am hard to deceive."

"You can't possibly know that, Beej!"

"Something about him just seems _off_."

"Lyddi!  I don't see how you were able to maintain a friendship with this insufferable mongrel!  No wonder you ended your friendship with him!" Vick shouted.

"Now, you listen and you listen real good," Lydia hissed.  Beetlejuice took a step back in surprise.  Only once had he seen Lydia so angry; only on the night she left had he seen her rage.  "Not a single inhabitant of the Neitherworld nor those on the surface understand our relationship.  No one can fathom why I ever associated with him.  Well, I'll tell you why BJ is so special to me.  He's the only one who truly understands me; he was the only one I could count on.  Even now, considering what I've done, he stands up for me.  Until I met you, BJ was the only one who could connect with me.  And...  I have been the only one he can hold an interest in besides himself.  We complimented each other in a bizarre kind of way.  So, don't judge him until you get to know him the way I do.  And _you_ , Beej!"  Hearing his nickname being called in the form of a scolding caused the smug grin to disappear from his face.  "I am almost twenty-two years old!  I am a grown woman!  Victor Black is a kindhearted and loving individual who goes through great efforts to take care of me.  The least you could do is appreciate the fact that he tries to make me happy and respect that he will be my husband one day.  You two simply need to face the fact that neither of you are going anywhere.  _Both_ of you are important to me and both of you are acting like two children in a playground fight!  Ugh!  And now, I'm not even tired anymore.  I'm going downstairs to watch TV..."  Lydia stormed out of her room in a fit and clomped down the stairs leaving the two speechless in her bedroom.

"So..." Beetlejuice spoke never taking his eyes off the doorway, "ya wanna grab that drink now?"

"Eh, sure..." Vick replied.

"Great, thanks for treating me!  Where are we goin'?"

"What?!  I'm paying _and_ driving?!  I don't know my way around this town!"

"Alright, I know where the local pubs are, but you hafta pay since my money's no good in the over-world."

"Fine..."

"I'll take ya.  I just hope ya don't mind a little cuddlin'."

"Wait-what?!" Vick panicked before Beetlejuice grabbed him by the waist in the same manner he would have Lydia in order to use his preternatural powers to teleport them out of the house.

At that same moment, Lydia was curled up on the couch with a blanket flipping through the cable television programs trying to find something to watch.  'Welcome home indeed...' she thought curling up into a little ball and dozing off to infomercials.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little note for the future: when Lydia says his initials and it's spelled out like Bee-Jay, that means she's Enunciating the letters individually in a drawn out manner.  
> Lines of inspiration:  
> "Hello there  
> The angel from my nightmare  
> The shadow in the background of the morgue  
> The unsuspecting victim  
> Of darkness in the valley  
> We can live like Jack and Sally if we want  
> Where you can always find me  
> And we'll have Halloween on Christmas  
> And in the night we'll wish this never ends  
> We'll wish this never ends  
> I miss you, I miss you  
> I miss you I miss you  
> Where are you?  
> And I'm so sorry  
> I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
> I need somebody and always  
> This sick strange darkness  
> Comes creeping on so haunting every time  
> And as I stared I counted  
> The Webs from all the spiders  
> Catching things and eating their insides  
> Like indecision to call you  
> And hear your voice of treason  
> Will you come home and stop the pain tonight  
> Stop this pain tonight." -- I Miss You by Blink 182


	3. Tequiling Me Softly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beetlejuice is willing to do whatever he has to in order to keep Lydia happy even if it means putting up with her preppy fiance. Deciding to give conversation a chance for once, he accompanies Victor to a bar in town. The morning after, Lydia is met with couple of small surprises on her first trip back to the Neitherworld after four years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Lyds and Beej have made up.. sort of. Now, it is Vick's turn to get to know the ghost with the most because anyone important to Lydia is important to him even if he doesn't understand it. Can he win her poltergeist pal's approval? Or will B.J. continue to hold out?

Victor stumbled back and landed bottom first onto the grass median outside a small, weathered sports bar.  "Whoopsie, my bad," Beetlejuice laughed as he pulled Vick up by the back of his jacket.  "You shoved away so fast that I almost left ya in the middle of Nowhere and, believe me, it's hard to get outta there once you're stuck."

"I'm sure you would have loved that, wouldn't you?" Vick retorted.

"Look, as much as it would have pleased me and as easy as it would have been, Lydia would never forgive me if I screwed up again.  So, be grateful she's my best friend.  Anyway, how's about we continue this conversation inside where I can drown you out with beer and pool?"  Beetlejuice propped himself up on Vick's shoulder and cocked a single brow in bemusement.

"Oh my god!  What is that putrid odor?!" Vick hacked as he inhaled a scent that brought tears to his eyes.  Quickly, he moved to cover his nose with a pocket tissue.

"Why, that's me!  Thanks for the compliment, but flattery won't get ya anywhere with me, bub."

"Oh god!  It's like I have a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth!!  I think the air is actually thicker when you're around.  Dear lord, it's like wading in a shallow pool!  Just because you're dead doesn't mean you need to smell like it!"

"I know.  That's just my awesome... seepin' out of every pore.  Are ya comin' or what?"  He turned back to Vick and pulled a hat and jacket out of thin air.  Hat pulled down tight and collar popped, they headed for the door.  Vick trailed behind skeptically but relaxed once he saw it was a real pub and not some ghostly gag.  B.J. hopped up on a stool at the bar, ordered two beers, and lit up a cigarette.  "Lyds says ya don't smoke, but I gotta get rid of these.  Want one?"

"It's not going to explode on me is it?"

"Quit bein' so paranoid and 'liven' up a little.  It should be a wake-up call when a dead guy has to tell ya that.  So, Lyds wants me to get to know ya better but I've been around long enough to know your type.  What are ya _really_ wanting out of her?  What are your true intentions, amigo?"

Vick declined the cigarette and stared into his beer before answering flatly, "I want her soul to be mine."

"Pffft!  Hahaha!  And here I thought you didn't have a sense of humor!"

"Lyddi actually likes my weird sense of humor...  She'd only be the second to find it endearing though..."

"Seriously, though I hate the word almost as much as 'clean', I know ya think I'm bein' unfair and that Lyds is nuts for puttin' up with me.  But... you weren't there for the things she went through in her adolescence.  I know you're supposed to be here to understand me better, but ya can't do that without understanding Lydia better.  If she's never told ya any of what I'm about to say, then act surprise if she ever does.  I know I shouldn't talk about her behind her back but maybe you'll see things my way."

"If she finds out you told me something that she hasn't, she will be furious with you," Vick argued.

"And?  That just makes you look good, right?  Besides, if you run and tell her I told, then you hafta embarrass her which won't go over well either.  So, to begin, I gotta tell ya how we met.  Trust me, our story is a little messed up but this tells ya what kind of big heart Lydia actually has.  It all started with Adam and Barbara Maitland who owned the house she lives in.  They went out for a drive and returned home without their meat suits."

"Ah, that's what Lyddi meant by she didn't know where they went..." Vick reflected back to the car ride.

"So, she told ya about the Maitlands, huh?  Well, they continued living in the house even after Lydia's parents bought it and tried desperately to get rid of the Deetz family but just couldn't make it happen.  That's when they called yours truly to scare the bejeesus out of 'em which, if I may say so myself, I did a fantastic job except for one little detail.  Delia is just as fascinated with ghosts and bumps in the night as Lyds.  Well, my work was so exceptional that she called a friend to carry out a seance in order to contact Adam and Barb only he didn't conduct a seance.  Dumbass Otho was readin' an exorcism verse from their handbook!  Those mooks allowed their handbook to be taken by a mortal and they nearly paid the price..."

"I'm sorry.  Did you say _'handbook'?"_

"Yeah, all new residents of the Neitherworld receive a manual from Juno called the Handbook for the Recently Deceased and it contains exorcisms in it.  Real smart, Juno..."

"Why would a guide book for ghosts contain a way to get rid of them??"

"Beats the slime out of me.  She revised it after this little fiasco and removed it as if no one ever told her bad shit would come of it."

"Let me guess, you worked for this Juno once?"

"Uh-huh.  I was her assistant once and I was responsible for giving all newcomers a tour of the Neither.  That's how I got this hat.  After centuries, I was fed up with bein' 'de-pressed' and became de-'censor'-tized, ha!  Nothin'??  Okay.  Well, in order to stop the exorcism, Lyds came to me for help and I agreed to help her... for a price.  Lookin' back, that was so low of me.  I had never been prouder of myself!  It was a genius scheme!  I told her that I would stop sed exorsismus if she would marry me."

" _What?!?_   She told me you weren't an ex!-"

"Relax, kid.  I'm not.  Lyds was only thirteen when this happened.  I didn't want to marry her for any reason other than to escape the Neitherworld.  Ya see, I would have married a goat if it would have worked.  Haha!  It's sorta like a loophole between the Neitherworld and the overworld.  If a ghost or ghoul marries a human then they aren't bound to the Neither anymore and can walk freely in the overworld without consequence.  Meaning, I would have kept all of my powers as well."  Beetlejuice ordered a second beer and two shots of tequila, one for him and one for his company.

"You are a twisted individual.  How on Earth did you end up being her best friend after nearly ruining her life?"

"It's not like I would have upheld the vows.  We would have went our separate ways...  But, it didn't work out that way.  I interrupted their little party, saved the Maitlands from certain extinction, and setup a creeptastic little ceremony right there in the living room.  After that, Adam and Barb thanked me by sendin' a sandworm to eat me in order to rescue Lydia from the wedding.  I ended back up in the waiting station and was stuck there for months.  And then, a witch doctor shrunk my head.  Had to get that fixed afterwards.  Once I was free, I wanted to know why the hell Lyds didn't uphold her end of the bargain.  But then...  Then, I saw her through the mirror curled up on her bed sobbin' and somethin' inside me was compelled to ask.  I couldn't stop myself!  I actually said, 'Come on, babes, why the long face?' and I change my face into a horse's to which she practically jumped outta her skin and angrily demanded me to leave.  Reasonably so, she was mad at me.  Well, I've never been the best at takin' no for an answer, so I reply with, 'I know we got off on the wrong foot, but how's about ya tell old BJ what's 'buggin'' ya?  Let me make up for before.'  I don't know why I even cared.  I guess somethin' in me hates seein' a dame in distress especially one as young as Lyds.  Of course, she didn't buy it and told me to go away.  Soooo, I told her to at least call Adam and Barb so she wouldn't be drowning in her sorrows all alone.  Now, the next part was what surprised me.  She looked me in the face and whispered, 'They're gone.  They went to rest and I can't call them back.  I _am_ all alone...'  Damnit, I thought.  Damn the Neither and it's ridiculous rules.  That's when I told her I understood how she felt - that I've been alone most of my afterlife too.  'Don't let it get ya down,' I told her.  Then I said, 'Guess I'll leave ya alone.  I don't wanna act like a pepper and be 'jalapeno' business.'  She sat right back up and started chuckling, then right out laughing!  In that moment, it felt good to see her laugh but I left anyway because I really didn't want to stay if it would just upset her."

"So, how did you become friends if she didn't want anything to do with you?"

"She called me back the next day and started askin' me questions; questions like 'Why are you such a jerk?' and 'How did you die?' stuff like that.  She said I would be an alright guy if I wasn't such a rotten, no good, lyin', cheat to which I thanked her for such compliments.  That actually made her laugh too, so it became my thing.  I would make her laugh every chance I had until she felt comfortable givin' me another chance.  We got to know each other, we told each other dumb secrets about ourselves, we shared our lives with each other in an strange and unusual way that two living people or two dead people can't.  I was intrigued by her from the very beginning but the more I knew about her, the more I wanted to know and she didn't hafta be alone anymore.  Damn kid touched a place in my heart that I didn't know I even had and she forgave me completely for how awful I was before.  Only once did she ever bring it up and that was on the second day because she was curious.  After that, all was forgotten and we were practically inseparable.  We had some amazing adventures together too.  We were a couple of wild cards, fearless and, at times, reckless."

"What happened that was so bad it tore you two apart?"

"I was overprotective.  Lyds is an attractive girl and she really blossomed in high school.  She started datin' and not all the guys she went out with had the noblest of intentions...  Ya know... _teenagers._   So, I did what I do best!  I scared the pants off of 'em!  They'd come over and I'd turn her house into a haunted one when nobody was lookin'.  It  _is_ my profession, after all.  Unfortunately, this only gave her a reputation for bein' a witch."

"That's not inaccurate though.  Lyddi practices crystal and herbal healings, palm and tarot readings, and she's working on rune casting as well as holding seances.  Looks like she already has that last one down to an art..."

"No, she's tryin' to contact Adam and Barbara.  How much ya wanna bet?"  Beetlejuice shot his third round of tequila and flashed Vick a wad of money.

"Your money's no good here, remember?"

"Oh yeah...  this better?"  He reached into his wallet and pulled out a wad of overworld money."

"You cheat!!  You told me your money's no good here!  You didn't say you had real-world money!"

"Did I say that?  Oops!  I must have forgot about my _other_ money."  Beetlejuice flashed him a wicked grin and set it on the table.  "I'm a gamblin' man.  Wanna buy in?"

"Seriously?  No thanks...  I gamble enough with my job..."

"Alright, 'suit' yourself.  Heh," he laughed pulling out a deck of cards.  "Wanna play some poker then?  I get a few in me and the urge to occupy my mind becomes overwhelming."

"Sure, why not.  Anyway, certainly there's more to it than you scaring off some dumb guys."

"Yeah...  She started hangin' around with a different group of kids besides Burp and Prune-"

"-Who??"

"Bertha and Prudence.  She started goin' out with a group troublesome kids that would have thrown her under the bus first opportunity they had.  I know all these things thanks to my amazin' detective skills and preternatural abilities that allow me to listen in on private conversations undetected.  Ya know, invisibility, shape shiftin', spell castin', etc.  Kids talk a lot of shit when they think no one's listening.  Now, scarin' a whole group of snot-nosed rugrats would be too obvious so I started doin' anything I could to convince Lyds into stayin' with me longer and more frequently, and it saved her from quite. a bit. of. trouble.  Those kids were vandals, thieves, some were junkies already, one was a sado-maso, but Lyds saw the good in everyone and they were quick to invite her with them because they felt they could use her.  She started datin' one of the guys in that group and yours truly found out he was cheatin' on her with a girl who would 'put out', because ya know, Lyds is a good girl and all.  _This_ was the incident that costed our friendship for four years."

"What the hell did you do?"

"I'll put it this way:  _I wasn't nice._   I let Lydia call me out into the overworld and snuck out without her knowing.  I found the two, together, and I let loose all my power in its unholy glory.  I became a demon that night and hunted them down; chased 'em through the woods and everything.  I trapped 'em, psychologically tortured them, whispered maddening voices on the wind that told of their impending death.  I didn't actually hurt 'em.  I didn't want to hurt 'em.  No, I wanted to teach 'em a lesson and I took it too far letting my personal anger and rage blind me.  It had been many years since I was that kind of monster..."

"That's not all is it?  Something worse came of this?"

"Of course.  The boy ended up in a mental institution.  Not only did they think he went crazy, but he ended up actually goin' mentally crazy from the experience.  And the girl..."  A sixth shot of tequila went down accompanied by a cigarette and another beer.  Beetlejuice just stared into the bright cherry at the end holding his cards face down as his arm rested on the bar.

"What happened, BJ?" Vick asked sternly bringing his focus back to the story.

"Huh?  Oh.  She tried to commit suicide.  Parents found her in a bathtub with her wrists opened like a Christmas present.  She lived, but was never the same.  Of course, Lydia's peers blamed her for it but she hadn't a clue that guy was even cheatin' on her.  She was livid - seething mad.  She sent me back, told me to never contact her again in a not so pleasant way, called me every nasty name she could think of, and slammed her crystal ball into the mirror shattering both of 'em.  I think she was tryin' to hit _me_ but I can't be sure.  For once, those names didn't feel so good...  Days went by without her callin' me, then weeks, then years.  It wasn't long before I started drinkin' to try and forget how much I missed her.  I pushed my neighbors Jacques and Ginger away, started hangin' around Dante's Inferno for company and ended up meetin' Lana who, for reasons unbeknownst to me, decided to take it upon herself to look after me.  She turns a blind eye to my pool hustling and my copious drinkin' as long as I clear up my tab at the end of the night.  Many times I've found her curled up next to me, work clothes on, makeup smeared, and a rag and bucket by my bed.  I started paying her for doin' what she does for me and she always says I've somehow mistook her for a babysitter and that I need to pull myself together."

"Another lady, eh?  Have you two ever...?"

"Heh.  Not once...  Lana is also a good girl.  She takes too much pride in her work as a bartender for Dante's and wouldn't dare taint her reputation by sleepin' around.  She's actually a fairly classy lady.  I can't imagine why she helps me the way she does... guess it's 'cause I pay her a huge tip for it..."

"You said her name is Lana?  Heh.  Funny.  Funny how a name can bring back so many memories..."

Dousing his cigarette, B.J. exhaled, "Okay, I told ya my story.  It's your turn to share."  'He's still holdin' onto another dame.  This could be the information I need...'

"I don't know, BJ.  It's been so long ago and she's... gone..."

'Well, here was to hopin'...'  "What happened?"

"Uh, I-uh...  Her name was Elena and she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen," Vick closed his eyes and downed his second shot of tequila.  "She was kind and sweet and so full of life."

"Sounds like a real bore," Beetlejuice teased.

"Dude, she was amazing...  Well, Lydia put me in the mind of her when we first met.  Their personalities are so similar that it hurt talking to her at first.  Elena wanted to help people even at her own sacrifice and she lived by the golden rule of treat others how you wanted to be treated.  She was beautiful inside and out.  We were made for each other... but..."  Tears welled up in Victor's eyes yet he refused to let them escape.  To force the water back down, he went silent and sipped on his beer.  B.J. simply continued combing through his hand patiently waiting for him to gather himself pretending that everything was normal.  "...she was taken from me.  Murdered in cold blood.  I guess that's the price you pay for falling in love with the wrong person, an emotional scar that haunts you for the rest of your life."

"And afterlife..."

Vick cut his eyes to his company and watched as he casually sorted his cards while puffing on another tobacco stick.  "What do you mean?  Could it be possible that she's somewhere wherever you're from?  Could she be holding on to something in the afterlife?"

"I was talkin' more or less about me, moron.  Trust me, those who are trapped in the Neitherworld are damned to carry the pain of their past just as they did in life, but they ain't affected by physical pain and they can't die or put an end to their suffering.  That's why it's called the Neitherworld, because it's neither heaven nor hell.  If this gal was as angelic as you say, then she wouldn't be in the Neitherworld.  Besides, there's so many people there that I couldn't tell ya one way or another."

"Maybe you could take me one day?"

"Nope.  That's somethin' special I only do for Lyds.  So, tell me somethin'.  You said Lyds reminds you of this other ghoul.  You're not tryin' to use Lyds to replace her are ya?"  Beetjuice glanced up from his hand and cocked his eyebrow in a cold fashion.  He was waiting for any tidbit he could feel justified in incriminating this lightweight, over-moussed, self inflated, pedicured, sweater vest, pretty boy with.

"Um, I won't lie.  At first, I spent time with her because she reminded me so much of my precious Elena but, much like you, the more time I spent with her the more I _wanted_ to get to know her.  I fell in love with Lyddi and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.  That's why I'm here in this little hovel of a bar, drowning myself in alcohol that I don't even like, talking with the scuzziest creature I have ever had the displeasure of meeting, and trying to connect with him.  It's all for Lydia because it will make her happy.  So.  If there's one thing we can find common ground on tonight, then it should be her.  We both want what's best for Lydia.  It may be in different ways, however, I think we can drink to that.  A truce?  For Lydia?"  Vick raised his glass in offering.

"I don't like you, but I'll give ya enough rope to hang yourself.  For Lydia."  B.J. clinked his glass to Vick's and downed the rest of the contents.  The two spent the entire night playing poker and drinking shot after shot, beer after beer, until a little past five in the morning.  It was about then that Beetlejuice came sneaking into Lydia's room where she was bundled up all snug under her blankets.  He phased through her wall and opened the window letting the chill of the morning wind fill her room.  He stepped back out the way he came and brought back a completely wasted and passed out Victor.

"Mmnmnn, Beetlejuice..." Lydia groaned sleepily.

"Yeah, babes?" he whispered back as he tossed her fiance onto the floor.

"Where the hell have you two been?  It's after five a.m."

"We went out for a little bonding time like you said we should do.  Then, we got drunk and told each other scary stories which I won."  He placed Vick at the foot of her bed so he wouldn't be stepped on in the morning and flopped himself down on Lydia's bed for a moment.  "Heya, babes.  What's up?"

" _You_ are and now I am too.  Go home and get some rest, Beej.  I'm going to be up in a few hours anyway to go shopping with Mom.  Why don't you go crawl in bed and wear off this inevitable hangover?"

"Sure thing, babes...  Just say the magic words and I'm gone.  First, I just need a moment with ya.  I know I reek of alcohol and smoke, but I gotta tell ya that tonight is the last night.  I swear, no more."  He laid his head in her lap and curled up.  "Why is your bed spinnin' so fast?  When did I enchant it??"

"You didn't, BJ; you're drunk.  And, you don't need to feel obligated to change anything just because we're talking again.  I'm not a child anymore and can drink if I ever wanted to myself.  I just don't want to.  I would appreciate it if you didn't take my fiance to that forsaken brothel though..."

"We didn't go there, swear on my grave.  Cross my heart and hope to cry, we went to a pub in town.  That's why I'm wearin' my thick coat and hat.  Please, babes, get me off this merry-go-round...  I might lose it..."  He reached up and wrapped his arms around her waist in an attempt to anchor himself."

"Goodnight, Beetlejuice.  I'll come for you later."

"'Kay.  Love ya, babes..."

"I love you too, Beetlejuice."  In puff of green smoke, he left the overworld and landed face first on his couch where he immediately passed out.  The next morning, Lydia stretched out to silence her screaming alarm.  The clock read nine a.m. and she wasn't ready to be up yet.  She sat up, rubbed her eyes, stretched, and went to her bag to find some clothes nearly tripping on Vick in the process.  "That's right!  BJ left him right in the middle of my floor last night.  Geeze, that ghost is such a blockhead sometimes.  I guess I should check on him once I manage to wake up Vick."  Not bothering to bend down, Lydia shook her fiance with her foot while calling for him to wake up.

"Ugh!  Lyddi...  Don't... don't rock the boat," Vick whined.

"Vick, you're in my bedroom floor.  Get up.  You need to start preparing for your day out with BJ.  Though, I'm not so sure it's a good idea after seeing the results of last night's bonding experience."

"Mmnnngg...  It was just one night, dear.  I won't fall victim to his antics again..."  Vick pushed himself up and rubbed his face with both hands.  His head was thumping and the room was still spinning causing his stomach to ache and churn.  "I feel like I'm in hell...  I think I need sunglasses just to look at the ceiling light..."

"Haha!  Well, let this be a lesson to you.  It's easy to get caught up in BJ's fun sometimes, and if he can take you down the road of absolute corruption he will and laugh the entire time he's doing it.  He enjoys his fun, that's for sure.  So, what did you two talk about last night?"

"Not a whole lot of anything.  We mostly played poker and told jokes."

"Really??  Because, he told me you swapped scary stories."

"We probably did that too.  Honey, I'm so hungover that he could have told me where to find the holy grail and I wouldn't remember.  Sweetheart, would it be acceptable for me to sleep a little while longer?  Maybe in the bed you're not using?..."

"Sure, I'm going to check on BJ.  I'll be back in a little while."  Lydia helped Vick into bed kissed his cheek before chanting, "Though I know I should be wary, still I venture someplace scary.  Ghostly hauntings I turn loose, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE, _BEETLEJUICE!_ "  In a flash of smoke, she vanished before Vick's eyes as the spell whisked her to the Neitherworld.  Lydia trembled gently feeling a little antsy about her first visit to the Neitherworld in over four years.  Waves upon waves of memories hit her as she made her way down the stairs that let out in front of the Roadhouse.  However, there was no sign of Jacques, Ginger, or the monster across the street who's name Lydia never did figure out.  Poopsie was asleep in his yard, though.  Lydia decided to knock in order to be polite even though she knew it wasn't necessary.  The door swung open and she gasped a little in surprise to see a tall, slender redhead with crystal blue eyes answer B.J.'s door.  She stood just over Lydia in her black leather boots with a stiletto heel.  She wore a white bowler hat with a large pink feather pressed against the side, a powder pink ribbon choker with a white ribbon around the center and a black crystal dangling from it.  Her vest was black with thin, powder pink stripes and she wore a matching skirt with a white shirt underneath that wasn't buttoned all the way.  In the end, it was her skin that caught Lydia off guard.  It wasn't sallow or bruised or sickly green like most everyone else in the Neitherworld.  No, her skin was a soft white much like her own.  She could have mistaken the woman for living if it wasn't for the unnatural bruising around her eyes.  "He-Hello.  Is-Is BJ home?" she asked timidly.

"Yeah, he's still passed out on the couch.  I'm Lana.  I'm takin' care of him while he's incapacitated.  What does he owe ya, miss?"

"Oh gosh!!  No!  It's not like that at all!  BJ is my friend.  H-Hi, I'm Lydia Deetz-"

"Lydia?!  _The_ Miss Lydia Deetz??  BJ's 'Lyds'?  His 'babes'?" Lana asked with growing enthusiasm that shown in her wide eyes.

"Yes, that's me."

"Come in-come in!  He'll be happy to see ya once he wakes.  I can't believe I'm finally meetin' the real thing!  He used to talk about you _all_ the time and you're even prettier than he described.  Glad to see he finally took my advice and begged ya for forgiveness."

"Actually, I'm the one that asked him for forgiveness..."

"Ah!  You shouldn't let him do that to you!  He shoulda came to you on bent knees throwin' himself at your feet pledging his very soul as a puppet to your every whim!  Snake in the grass..."

Lydia couldn't help but laugh in amusement and asked, "I'm sorry, but who are you again?  Are you his... 'ghoul'-friend or something?"

"Me?  Nah!  I've been takin' care of this pathetic sap since he crawled through the doors at Dante's.  I'm the bartender there and, well, I couldn't help but notice how alone he was.  So, I decided to look after the big dummy.  I don't know...  He just has the kind of face that's great at hidin' the pain, but I could see through his guise.  He was in need of a friend so I became someone he could rely on.  I missed bein' that for someone in my previous life so I took up the responsibility here.  It comes with a perk, though.  He pays me for my trouble with the money he wins from hustlin' pool and poker.  I wash the vomit out of his hair and clothes, sit with him through the night since it's easier to sleep here than going home, and I collect a debt as well as a tip.  Pretty swell huh?"

"I'll say.  Anyone who would put up with his shenanigans like that deserves to be paid.  I hate to tell you this, but he told me last night that he's giving all of it up.  I told him not to worry about changing for my sake, but once he has his mind set on something it's hard to change it."

"That's fine by me.  That just means I won't hafta smell him anymore, haha!  I'd rather see you two make up because the way he talks about ya, I know you're special to him.  My boss will miss his patronage, no doubt.  Well, I guess you're my relief.  I gotta get home and ready myself for work tonight.  Oh, and go easy on him.  'Kay?  He had a rough night and spent most of it with his head in the toilet."

"I will.  Thank you, Lana.  Thanks for taking care of him all this time...  I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize.  He's a jerk, but he has soft spot for ya.  Maybe things will get better for him now that you're back.  That's all I can ask for.  It was great finally meetin' ya, Lydia.  For now, I'm enjoyin' my day off from BJ.  Take care, hun."

"Goodbye!"  Lydia waved the lady off and closed the door behind her.  'Oh my gosh, Beetlejuice!  I can't believe you have been such a sloth that you actually _pay_ some poor girl to take care of your drunk ass.  Poor girl...'  Lydia griped as she made her way to the back of the couch where her wayward friend lay sleeping face first into the back of the cushions.  She noticed his hair looked a lot less grungy than usual and laughed.  "Wow!  That chick wasn't joking.  She really did scrub his hair clean.  I don't think I've ever seen it quite this lustrous.  Heehee!"  She leaned over and reached down to brush his hair away from his mouth but his larger hand caught hers and pressed it flat against his face.

"Gnngnn... mornin', babes..." he groaned not even bothering to open his eyes.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Hey..." he continued with incoherent mumbling and said, "...favor?"

"Huh?  You need a favor??"

"Yeh...  Check on the kiddos, 'kay babes?"

'Pfft!!  He must be dreaming about his past life!' Lydia covered her mouth trying not to laugh out loud.  'This might be my opportunity to learn more about his life before the Neitherworld!'  "What was that, BJ?  What did you need?"  She repeated the question in hopes he would reveal more about himself that he had forgotten long ago.

"The munchkins, Lyds..." he sighed as he shifted to a more curled up position.  Panic stricken by what she just heard, Lydia tore away from him so forcefully that she shoved him off the couch in the process.  "Shit!!  What the hell was that for, Lyds?!  That hurt!!"

"S-Sorry, BJ!  You were-uh, having a pleasant dream!"

"Oh damn!  Really??  Well, nice save then, babes.  Thanks."  Beetlejuice pulled himself back up onto the couch and stretched.

"Do you remember what you were dreaming about, BJ?"

"Hmm.  Nope.  Can't recall a thing.  It must have been pretty great for you to shove me off the couch."

"Heheh, yeah..."  Lydia exhaled a breath of relief.

"So, what brings ya to the Neitherworld, babes?"  He slumped back sinking into his sofa and scratched his stomach lazily.

Lydia leaned back over the top of the couch, propped her head up, faced B.J., and said, "Well, I came to wake you up so you could get ready for your day with Vick.  You did promise you would try to get to know him better after all.  I actually have a personal question for you..."

"What's on your mind, babes?"

"BJ, what do you think about... kids?"

"Kids??  Kids in general, as a dish, or what?  What do ya mean?"

"No, goofy!  As in having kids.  You know - being a parent.  What's your opinion?  I already know what my parents are going to say.  Mom will tell me how important family is, how having a child will complete me, and what joy they bring to someone's life.  Then Dad will say, ahem!"  Lydia cleared her throat and dropped the tone of her voice in a mock interpretation of her father.  "Now pumpkin, kids are a pretty big deal.  Don't go jumping into something without a sound plan.  Okay?"

"Haha!  That was a perfect impression of ol' Chuck-wagon!  Good one, Lyds.  If ya know what your parents will say, then why are ya askin' me?"

"Well, I already told you I value your opinion more than most and I wanted your personal input."

He turned to her with a look of concern and asked in more urgent tone than he intended, "You don't have a bun in the oven, do ya?"

"No!!-No!  Why does everyone keep asking me that?  I mean, one day Vick and I might decide to have kids but I just wasn't sure so I thought I would ask someone who might have a different opinion from a parent."

"Actually, I've never given it much thought.  I guess I'm not opposed if I ever met the right ghoul that could succeed in gettin' me to hang my hat, but I'm not real sure.  I guess I can see me with a mini-me teachin' him all the best pranks and how to be a proper poltergeist!  It'd be a father and son business - scarin' mortals straight outta their meat suites!  Heh, but it's also one of those 'to each his own' kinda things, babes.  Don't let anyone else's opinion make up your mind, 'kay?"

"Absolutely not!  But, for the record, if I ever did have a child I think you would be the best uncle ever, BJ."

"Ya think?!  Oh, they'd be my little partner in crime and we'd drive everyone insane!  Just imagine, babes!  The three of us-"

"-Four, BJ."

"Four??  Ya plannin' on twins?"

" _Beej_ , you can't just leave Vick out of the equation.  Remember?"

"Oh... yeah-yeah... four then."

"I think he'll be more accepting of your antics than my parents would have been with me.  After all, he knows all about my practices and is quite interested in those aspects of my life.  He might even be excited to tag along from time to time."

"Yeah, sure, babes...  Hey, why don't ya give me thirty minutes to get ready and catch some breakfast then call me?  You don't wanna be late with Delia.  She can be a real na-a-a-ag."  Beetlejuice sprouted goat horns and a goatee for emphasis.

"Haha!  Alright.  I'll see you later, BJ.  Oh!  And be  _nice_ to Vick.  I'm not joking, Beej.  I'm trusting you with the welfare of my future husband so, wherever you go, I expect him back with the same amount of digits and limbs as I left him.  No more, no less."

"What if my jokes make him fall to pieces?  What if he dies laughin'?"

"I mean it, Beetlejuice.  Vick better come home safe or it's  _you_ I'm coming for."

"Fine-fine...  I'll see ya in a few...  But, Lyds, if he does turn out to be dangerous and has ill intent _then_ do I have your permission to hurt him?"

"No you do not!  ...  However, I would appreciate it if you made it impossible for him to face me should that be the case.  But, that's highly unlikely so don't get your hopes up.  Okay.  Home. Home! HOME!"

In an instant, Lydia was taken to the place between her world and the Neither.  The second she was gone, Beetlejuice slumped forward with a long sigh.  "Thank the Neither-gods...  Where the hell did _that_ come from?  Gotta go back to nightmares...  Yikes..."

Back on the other side, Lydia quickly readied herself for a day out with her mom while simultaneously helping Vick prepare for his day with her ghastly guardian.  'What in the Neitherworld was he dreaming about that involved us and kids??' she pondered to herself.  'Could he have been dreaming about the times we babysat together?  And, by together I mean I babysat while he convoluted everything.'

"I still don't understand why you're requiring me to spend more time in the company of that loon," Vick complained.

"It's just one afternoon with him while I'm occupied and so you won't have to be stuck at the house by your lonesome.  My Dad will be off the rest of the week after this meeting to keep you company," she answered handing him a plain T-shirt.

"Alright,  _mom_ , but don't you think I'm too old to need a babysitter?  Besides, what if he tries to send me to the gallows?"

"Relax, I already made him promise to behave.  This is for his benefit too, not just yours."

"Oh, I see!  You care more about your friend than your fiance's life."

"Would you both please stop?!  What is it with you two and this unnecessary rivalry?..."

"I was only teasing, dear.  I shouldn't be so insensitive."

"You shouldn't be so insensitively sensitive.  Haha!"  Vick rolled his eyes and kissed her goodbye as she flew out the door.  "Three times, Vick!" she reminded him before closing the passenger door to Delia's car.

Victor waved them off and returned to Lydia's old room for another look around.  On the shelf sat a book that caught his eye.  "Handbook for the Recently Deceased...  This is that manual BJ spoke of last night," Vick thought out loud.  He opened the cover and saw two scribbled names, Adam and Barbara Maitland.  "This must have been a parting gift...  Ugh!  Why do I need to hang around that vile, pompous Beetlejuice?  I'm perfectly fine entertaining myself."

"'Cause Lydia will have  _both_ our heads mounted over the fireplace," came B.J.'s voice from behind.  Vick jumped with such a start that he threw the book clear across the room.  He turned around to see his rival leaned nonchalantly against the mirror frame on the inside.

"You could give someone a heart attack, you know!  Don't do that!"

"If only...  Hey, pal, ya gonna let me outta here or do I need to tell Lydia you got 'cold' feet and decided to 'flake' on me.  Ha!  I mean, it's 'snow' big deal.  I'd love to see her chew your 'ice' out.  Pfft!"

"Oh geeze...  You're one of  _those_...  Yuck!  Guess I have no choice if I want to stay in my woman's good graces.  Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice..."

"Ah!  That's better!  Okay, remember what I said yesterday about the Neither?  Well, I changed my mind.  I'm takin' ya on a small tour.  Since I used to be a guide once, I still know all the best spots."

"Oh gosh, what's the catch?"

"What catch?  Do I look like I fish?"

"Seriously, I don't trust you for a moment.  You're plotting to get rid of me somehow.  I bet you're going to take me out there and feed me to some creature or leave me stranded somewhere to die."

"Oh, I don't need to take ya to the Neitherworld to get rid of you, pal.  Besides, Lyds will never speak to me again if I don't bring ya back to her safe and in one, sane piece.  Also, Lyds has more friends in the Neither than just me and any of those chumps wouldn't be too thrilled with me hurtin' someone she cares about if it makes ya feel any better about the trip.  Well, are we goin' or what?"

"Sure.  All I have to lose is my life..."

"Alright then.  It's showtime!"

"...um...  We're still here..."

"You gotta say my name, dum-dum."

"Oh, you're not going to grab me like you did last time, are you?"

"You prefer to hold my hand, doll?"

"You know what.  Never mind.  I'll take my chances with Lyddi's wrath when she gets home.  You are the creepiest, most absurd, loathsome being I have ever met.  I don't think I'll ever understand why my sweet Lyddi is so taken with you."

"Whatever floats your boat.  Real quick, though.  Did Lyds tell ya how to get back here from the Neither?"

"I don't think so.  Why?"

"Just curious.  Welp, if you're not gonna pal around with me then I guess you should send me back home."

"Oh, right.  Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice..."  Right as Vick rolled the last syllable off his tongue, Beetlejuice grabbed him by the forearm and dragged him through to the other side.

"Now, it's showtime!!  Welcome to the Neitherworld, buddy!  Ahahahahaha!!"  He fell to the ground laughing right in the middle of the road as Vick took in the bizarre surroundings of disconnected streets, floating yards, and strange buildings before him.  That moment, he was certain of two things.  One, he was in for the time of his life.  And two, he despised that smug son of a bitch horse laughing on the ground and rolling in the dirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like B.J. is up to no good per usual. Next chapter will be all about their day in the Neitherworld. But does Beetlejuice really have up his sleeves?... besides snakes and beetles.
> 
> Song of inspiration:  
> "Down to you  
> You're pushing and pulling me down to you  
> But I don't know what I  
> Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself  
> I'm saying something that I should have never thought  
> Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself  
> I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you  
> You're pushing and pulling me down to you  
> But I don't know what I want  
> No I don't know what I want  
> You got it, you got it  
> Some kind of magic - Hypnotic, hypnotic  
> You're leaving me breathless  
> I hate this, I hate this  
> You're not the one I believe in  
> With God as my witness  
> Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself  
> I'm saying something that I should have never thought  
> Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself  
> I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you,  
> You're pushing and pulling me down to you  
> But I don't know what I want  
> No I don't know what I want  
> Don't know what I want  
> But I know it's not you  
> Keep pushing and pulling me down  
> But I know in my heart it's not you  
> Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself  
> I'm saying something that I should have never thought  
> Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself  
> I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you  
> I knew, I know in my heart it's not you  
> I knew, but now I know what I want, I want, I want  
> Oh no, I should have never thought." -- Caught Myself - Paramore


	4. Into The Neither

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beetlejuice has dragged Vick against his will into a land of spirits where nothing makes sense. Victor is in for the time of his life in the Neitherworld and it may be his last time if he's not careful. What sights await B.J.'s mortal guest and who will they encounter along the way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Vick is stuck with the Neitherworld's most notoriously nauseating prankster. What does Beetlejuice have in mind for his first visit and why?

Vick was mortified as he looked all around taking in the golden sky and ruddy clouds.  The street was excessively sinuous and had a yo-yo effect that looked to be hazardous to one's health.  With nothing underneath to support it, Vick thought for sure the structure would collapse, but it was surprisingly sturdy.  He scanned the area in wonder as vehicles of all sorts maneuvered around and over them with supernatural ease.  Beetlejuice dusted himself off and straightened out his cuffs all while chuckling loudly.  "Welcome to the Neitherworld, meatbag.  And this gruesome abode you see in front of you is my home.  Has my initials on it and everything.  Follow me, kid," he welcomed Vick the best way he knew how.

"I'm not a damn kid!  And, are you nuts?!  You can't go around abducting people and tossing them into dimensions against their will!!"

"Hey, I don't know about you, but I made a promise to Lydia that I would look after ya today.  One thing I'm great at is breaking promises except to her.  For whatever screwed up reason, her approval means somethin' to me and I'm not about to disappoint her if I can help it."  'And, I can't get rid of you if you're not here with me.  Hehe!'

"You know, for such an insufferable buffoon, you're pretty sweet on Lyddi.  From the outside looking in, I'm tempted to say you love her."  Vick stopped halfway up the stairs leading to B.J.'s property and crossed his arms.  He looked at his host with an accusatory frown.

Without looking back, Beetlejuice casually agreed, "Duh.  Of course I love her.  She's my best and almost only friend."  He rolled his eyes at such a ridiculously obvious statement and kept moving up the steps.  But, Vick didn't follow.

"No, let me rephrase.  I think you're  _in love_ with Lydia."

Beetlejuice stopped and turned around with a groan.  "Try again, bucko.  Only those who believe in the myth of 'love everlasting' can fall into it."

"Wait, you don't believe in love??  Yet, you say you love Lyddi?  I'm confused."

"Bein' in a false state of mind and carin' about someone are two different things.  When it comes to Lyds, I would do anything for her and I mean anything.  Why, I'd rope the moon - no, Jupiter's moon- wait!  No, I'd rope  _Jupiter_ if it would make her smile.  That's how much I care about Lyds.  As far as bein' in love, it's all just a state of mind - a delusional one at that."

"Well, I disagree.  I think love is as real as you and I.  As a matter of fact, science is proving more and more that love is rather a physical state than emotional one.  People in love experience different influxes of hormones and chemicals during different stages which can be observed by scientists.  Therefore, it _is_ real."

"One word:  pheromones."

"You don't seem to understand.  The ritual of falling in love is comprised of more than just pheromones.  The beginning phase of lust, sure, but it's a process that can help determine whether or not two people are right for each other.  Ultimately, we get to choose but the driving forces that create love exist.  I mean, it's up to the individuals to keep it alive with romance and thoughtful gestures.  One thing I've learned is that women love thoughtful gestures and occasionally doing something you wouldn't normally do.  Although, a strong relationship is founded on trust, mutual respect, and attentiveness.  Women want someone who'll be attentive to their needs and listen to them..." Vick went on a tangent.

"I've got it!  I have finally figured out why I don't like you.  Finally put my finger on it.  You're one of those nice-guy beta males who use sensitivity and a false air of confidence as a way to convince women into sleepin' with ya.  You're the kind of guy I can dominate with _real_ confidence and steal your girl out from under your nose."  Beetlejuice crossed his arms and looked down at Vick with a taunting smirk.

"You are a real ass.  Do you know that?  An absolute dick."

"True as that may be, at least I'm bein' myself.  And the best part is that I can be myself _and_ I never hafta sleep alone if I so choose.  I could have a different lady in my bed every night if I wanted.  That's what real confidence and personality get ya.  A guy like me will outshine a guy like you every time."

"You know, I'll give you that.  However, at the end of the day, a guy like me doesn't have to sleep alone if he doesn't want to either.  The only difference is..." Vick tilted his head back slightly and continued in with his snide remark, "I have the _same_ woman returning to my bed every night.  That or she's begging me to come to hers."  Beetlejuice didn't utter a word.  About three seconds after Vick stopped talking, he coldcocked him with a cross hook knocking him flat out and proceeded to drag his unconscious body into the house.  He tossed him on the floor between the couch and the steps leading upstairs.  When Vick came to, he saw to his right a set of crooked steps and a hideous leather couch to his left.  He suddenly became aware that he had been sucker punched and was probably lying in the floor of B.J.'s home.  He sat up wearily and looked over to find the ghost stretched out on the sofa watching television.  Anger rushed through Vick boiling his blood to the point that the heat showed on his cheeks as he stood and confronted his host.  "Why the hell did you punch me?!  What the hell was _that_ all about?!"

Beetlejuice kept his eyes on the screen when he answered, "You disrespected Lydia which is unacceptable."

"Oh, bullshit!  You just wanted a reason to hit me!"

"Yep.  And I found one."

"What the fuck do you want from me?!?  Lyddi is about to be my _wife_ for goodness sake!!  I wasn't disrespecting her!  It's the truth!"

"All the more reason to keep it to yourself.  That's something private and personal that should stay in the relationship and not brought up in a petty squabble.  I figured 'Mr. Sensitive' would have known better."

"You are the most _insufferable_ , _deplorable_ , and _miserable_ being I have ever met.  Oh, and I forgot hypocritical too!  But, that's okay because I think I know what your problem is.  You're jealous!"

"Jealous?  Jealous of _you_?  Heh!  That's funny because in order for me to be jealous of you then you would have to actually be some sort of threat."

"You're insane.  I get it...  You're completely mental, aren't you?  Who _hurt_ you?-huh?  Who damaged you 'Mr bad-ass, don't care about nothin'' dickhead?"

Beetlejuice sighed and turned off the TV.  He sat upright propping himself on his knees, lit a cigarette, and stared across the room.  His face was calm, almost reflective, as he drew a breath and replied, "Well, ya see, it was sometime ago.  Not sure how long ago now, but there was this woman and man-oh-man what a woman.  She was _fantastic_ ; everything you could imagine in a woman.  Let me tell ya, we had some days that seemed to last forever and some nights I wish had never ended.  She was drop-dead gorgeous with legs that went straight to heaven.  I can't quite remember her name but I'll never forget her face.  I hear she has a loud-mouth kid now..."  B.J. grew real silent before puffing on his cigarette again and turning to Vick to ask, "What did ya say your mom's name was again?"

Vick didn't move, he didn't speak, he didn't breathe.  He simply planted his fist across Beetlejuice's face with a heavy right hook.  "You deserve that, fucking asshole!!"

B.J. rubbed his jaw and looked up at Vick with a grin.  "Heh!  Fiesty... just like your mom-"  Again, Vick slammed his other fist into his adversary's face and Beetlejuice merely rubbed the spot while laughing.  "Hahaha!  Maybe you're not such a pussy after all."

"What the hell even _are_ you?!  That didn't faze you?!"

"What do you expect?  I'm already dead... and you're a bitch..."

"Take me back.  Take me back _now_.  You're enough to drive the devil to drink and I'm done.  Done-done.  So done!  Doooone.  I'm dun-dudu-dun dun done."

"No, you're not done.  I've got a whole afternoon planned for us.  We're gonna take the scenic route around the area and I'll even introduce ya to some of Lydia's other friends.  Listen, kid, around here ya gotta have a bit of thick skin or you'll either die or go insane."

"You mean to tell me all of _that_ was just a test to see if I can handle it out there!?!"

"What?  No.  I don't like you.  Now, get in the car and let's go."  He opened the door and stepped around the back to where a little yellow sports car laid snoring on the ground.  "Vick, meet Dragster of Doom.  He's also known as Doomie for short."

"Oh wow!  What a nice little car," Vick admired the vehicle.

"Beep-beeeep!!" Doomie honked on hearing the compliment.

"Oh-my-god it's alive!!  I should have known..."

"Yeah, me 'n Lyds built him from a scrap frame and gave him a home.  He's technically her car, but he's my little buddy so I try to take care of 'im.  Just make sure ya put on your seat belt 'cause he has split personality and will turn into a hairy beast when he sees another dog.  It's completely random."

"Of course he does.  Why would I expect anything else?"  Vick climbed into the passenger side of cab and B.J. took the wheel.  "Where to first then?"

"Don't know yet.  But, there's plenty of neat and creepy attractions in the Neitherworld.  Just don't wander off or you might become a... tourist trapped!  Ahahaha!...  You're stuck with me."  Vick let out a deliberate groan and leaned against the car door propping his head on his fist.

The car ride was mostly quiet save for Harry Belafonte's Banana Boat song crackling out of the speakers.

"I take it you're a fan of his work?" Vick asked once the song faded.

"Sorta."

"That's funny because Lyddi will play that record over and over while she cleans or cooks.  I guess she never truly left you behind..."

"No, she never left Adam and Babs behind.  They were the ones who left that cassette in the player for her before they left.  I like his music too, but I can't take credit for her love of it."

"She was pretty close with this couple, wasn't she?  And there is absolutely no way to contact them?  I mean, the live _here_ do they not?"

"Not exactly.  A spirit condemned to the Neither that's at rest is taken off the book.  It becomes as if they never existed, only they still do in a paradise of their own.  Juno has a lot of pull, but she's far from the head honcho.  Our mayor is only a few steps above her since she received a pro-'moan'-tion three years ago and he's not the one in charge either.  No, Prince Vince is the one over the entire Neitherworld and he didn't even make that rule.  It's somethin' we accept as natural law because it's always been and no one can change or break it.  Trust me, I've tried.  If there's one thing I'm good at besides lyin', it's breakin' rules.  I've tried myself to contact the Maitlands and it just can't be done."

"I suppose if there was anyone who could do it, it would be you?"

"Damn straight.  I'm the ghost with the most for a damn good reason.  Very few have power that compares to mine and I can really give 'em hell in the overworld.  That's why I have a curse on me.  Apparently, when you cause enough trouble in both worlds ya end up gettin' stamped with a seal of disapproval."

"Was it Juno or Vince that cursed you?"

"Neither.  It was the entire Neitherworld populace.  I don't even think Vince was a resident when I was cursed...  No, this curse is too powerful to be the work of one person.  Everyone that was a resident at the time came together and put the damn thing on me, includin' Juno.  That's why it's so hard to break.  They sealed my real name away from themselves and, now, no one can remember it; not even me.  Should I ever figure out my real name, I can lift the hex and I'll have _all_ of my powers once again.  Not that I'd do anything with 'em anymore...  Lyds broke me of that..."  Beetlejuice smiled genuinely as he reached for his sunglasses and tossed an extra pair to Vick.  "The sun gets bright this time of day.  These used to by Lyds' glasses but I don't think she'll mind ya borrowing  'em."

'Maybe he's not such a bad guy...  Maybe he's just _that_ protective of Lyddi?' Victor thought to himself as he slid the black glasses over his eyes.  "Is there another way to break the curse?  Last night, you mentioned something about marrying a living person."

"It would free me of the Neitherworld and the summoning curse, but it wouldn't bring back my name, memories, or powers.  It would be like meetin' halfway and I'm okay with that.  Good luck findin' a gal who's 'in-pulse'-ive enough to marry a ghost.  Haha!!  Hey, look!  We're at our first stop!"  B.J. pulled over and jumped out of Doomie.  "Stay, Dooms.  We'll be back in a flash."  With that, he grabbed Vick and teleported to the edge of a small cliff.

"Would you please stop doing that?!  It's really freaky!"

"It's the best way to travel when ya know where you're goin'.  Look down there.  That is what we call Mount Grossmore!"

"Really?" Vick asked in a flat tone.  "You seriously have an attraction that's based on Mount Rushmore?"

"Except, the more ya look at this one the grosser it becomes!  It features presidents George Doesntwashaton, Thomas Hackerson, Teddy Oozevelt, and Abraham Stinkin'.  Four of the Neither's best leader 'heads'.  Hehe!"

"Oh my gosh, does it ever end?!"

"Wanna take any pictures?  I grabbed Lyds' camera while I was in her room."

"Ugh!  I guess.  As proof we actually spent time together..."

"Great!  Stay right here; don't wander off.  I'll go to the car and grab it."  Once he was out of earshot and line of sight, Beetlejuice transformed into an old disguise.  As a more lustful and feminine version of his form Betty, he approached Vick in an attempt to find a reason for making him disappear.  Cheating would be the perfect excuse for B.J. to dispose of him.  "Well, hello there," he greeted Vick in a feminine voice that strained his powers.

"Uh, hi," Vick replied a little off-put by the sudden appearance of a stranger.

"You're not from here are ya, big guy?"

"Um no, I'm not.  How can you tell??"

"Mortals are easy to spot.  Not sure how they tend to find their way _here_ but they stick out when they do.  Are you lost?"

"Just mentally.  I'm actually here with a guide.  You're not lost, are you... miss?  Because, if you are, we have enough room in the car for another passenger.  My-uh, friend can be a bit stubborn but I don't think he would mind helping a lady in distress."

"Who says I'm in distress?  I know exactly what I'm after.  The name's Betty.  Nice to meet you... ...?"  He stepped closer with a seductive grin trying to hide his motives.

"Oh!  I'm Vick.  Nice to meet you, Betty.  Say, my friend could probably use some female company; maybe you can help me out.  See, I have a fiance and he's her best friend and he's kind of... um... _attached_ I guess and I'd like to find him a companion.  He's not much for looks but he's not a bad guy..."

'Well damn...  That backfired quick...  Welp, time for plan-B.'  Beetlejuice crossed his arms and listened to Vick stumble over his words before shoving him down the slope into the pond below.  He quickly changed back to himself.  "Bwahaha!  Who put a bee in her bonnet?  Am I right?  Here, lemme help ya outta there!"  He used his powers to levitate a soaked Vick out of the marshy water.

"Where the hell did she go?!  I'm pissed and I want to know why she shoved me down the hill!"

"Probably because you're a dunce.  Who stands in the presence of a beautiful babe like that and talks about their gal?"

"Any respectable man!  Any _loyal_ man!  But maybe you don't have enough understanding of faithfulness to appreciate a monogamous relationship.  Funny, I thought you would be glad that I'm so devoted to Lydia to where another woman can't turn my eye?"

"Take your damn picture and get in the damn car."  B.J. stormed off with Vick close behind.  Ridding himself of Victor Black was going to be harder than he thought but the day wasn't over yet.  He had plenty more stops to try in the next few hours and he wasn't giving up without a fight.  Beetlejuice was more determined than ever for it to go back to just him and Lydia.  'But why??  Why am I so against her marrying this freak?  She deserves to be happy, right?  If only I could pin-point what unsettles me about this guy...'  He pulled out with record speed and set Doomie on course before replacing the current disc with Guns N' Roses.

"Woah!  Wait!  You like this kind of rock?"

"Yeah, sure.  Lyds was always bringin' me music from the other side.  This wasn't one of her faves though.  She was always more into folk music or softer rock like Genesis.  Personally, I love the sound of a screamin' guitar."

"Well, looks like we have something else in common!  Look at this!  We're bonding!  Eh-eh?"

"Down, boy.  Don't get too excited.  I just conditioned the leather..."

"You're such a jackass..."

"But I'm a _lovable_ jackass.  Look!  It's our next stop.  I give ya the Babbling Brooks of Nagging Falls."  He pulled off the road and leaned out over the door to watch the spring rush by.

"I'm afraid to ask, but why is it called Babbling Brooks.  I thought all brooks babbled."

"The brooks of Nagging Falls were named after the whispering gossip that can be heard as the water flows by.  If ya listen closely, you can learn somethin' real juicy on anyone.  The problem is, the brook carries so many secrets that it's hard to discern one from the other.  Just give it a listen and you'll see what I mean."

Vick stepped out of the car and sat by the embankment to listen.  Soon, hundreds of whispering voices could be heard rising out of nowhere and surrounding Vick in a whirlwind of tidbit information.  "Did you hear?... - Jacques and Ginger miss Beetle... - Did you hear? - ... I heard... - ...story of a witch... - ...Beetljuice has some skeletons in his closet...-"

"Okay, that's enough of that!  Let's move on to the next one!"

"Aw!  I was interested in that last one.  What if this brook could tell us your name?"

"I've spent years listenin' to the voices.  Even if they knew my name, I wouldn't know it was mine since they talk so fast and the voices overlap each other.  Besides, it's locked away from this world.  The likelihood of it bein' in there isn't very high."

Before they drove off, Beetljuice heard in the wind, "...she was hanged for being a witch... her husband is now immortal... - Did you hear?..."

"So where to next?  This place is really cool!  I can see why Lyddi spent a lot of time here with you."

"Thanks.  It's not all that bad if ya know what you're doin'.  We're followin' the brook to its end at Stinking Creek.  We'll let Doomie rest there and maybe go for a swim."

"I thought you hated water and anything resembling clean?"

"Hehehe.  Stinkin' Creek is an exception.  Just wait and see.  It's over this hill and around a couple of bends through Rottingham Forest.  We'll be there in no time."  A gravel pull-off was B.J.'s destination as Doomie slid into a makeshift parking spot.  With the snap of his fingers, he changed into a pair of swimming shorts and manifested a floating tube that resembled a tire.  "Do ya need one?  I think I got a 'spare'.  Haha!  Here, this will give your clothes time to dry."  With another snap, he had Vick a pair to change into as well.

"Uh, thanks.  You're not such an awful guy, I guess.  You've been pretty amiable for most of the trip... all except for punching me that is."

"Don't get used to it.  I told ya, I'm doin' this for Lyds.  I don't want her to think I'm bein' mean just because she's with someone 'cause that's not it at all.  I know it seems like it but she's had awful taste in guys over the years and I just wanna protect her.  I don't like the idea of anyone hurtin' her and I don't know you.  You could be the next Jack the Ripper for all I know."

"I suppose that's understandable but you're more protective of her than her own parents.  If anyone should be overreacting about someone, I think I have the right to be upset about _you_ trying to interfere with our relationship."

"By all means, be upset.  Just remember that I'm not takin' your feelings into account in my judgement.  I honestly don't care about you either way.  It's Lydia I'm tryin' to do right by and if that means babysittin' _you_ for a few hours, then so be it.  Doesn't mean I can't have a little fun while I'm at it."  He grinned and headed to the dock where he tossed the float over and jumped right in.

"Unng...  Are we ever going to be friends?  I'd like to live in peace with this cretin.  Heaven knows Lyddi won't keep him away now that they've reconciled...  Either way, he has another thing coming if he thinks he can drive a wedge between us.  I'll put up with his nonsense and then some if it means keeping Lyddi.  He can fuck off..."  Vick mumbled to himself all the way to the edge of the dock.  "It looks thick!  What is this?"

"I told ya!  It's Stinking Creek!  This is where the best swimmin' is!  Go ahead and jump!"

Vick sighed deeply and leapt off the little plank.  He struggled to break the surface and immediately started gagging.  "Oh my god!!  This isn't water!!  What the hell am I swimming in?!?"

"It's slime!  The best slime in all the Neitherworld!  This is where all the sludge comes to be filtered and released into the city plumbing.  Isn't it wonderful?"

"Oh god, I think I'm going to puke...  Please, don't tell me this gunk carries disease like it does on the surface."

"I wouldn't know.  I'm _dead_ , remember? - _ghost..._ " Beeltejuice pointed to himself with both hands in an exaggerated fashion.

"I see.  You're trying to kill me aren't you?  You want me to catch a bit of death so you can separate me and Lyddi.  Well, I'm leaving this sewage cesspool before it works.  You, sir, are a pox upon this Earth and may whatever god you believe in take you!"

"Don't be like that!  I don't think anything in the Neither can hurt ya like it can on the surface...  I could be wrong, but...  Hey wait!  I thought we were bonding!  Hehe..."

As Vick made his way to the bank, something brushed against his leg - something that made him freeze up and shiver because it felt huge.  "He-Hey, BJ...  What kind of creatures live in this water?"

"Not much.  Just some dogfish, crappy, cuddlefish, maybe the occasional salmon or two...  Of course, there's the legendary baragooda, but no one's seen those in the lake for centuries," he lied.  If Vick had taken time to read the plaque by the dock, he would have known that baragooda were a prominent fish in Stinking Creek and that they were carnivorous.  Another big something bumped into Vick again which sent him into a panic.  As fast as his legs could trudge through the murky bottom, he ran desperately wanting out of the goop.  "Don't do that!  They'll think you're an injured animal and drag ya-  Uh-oh.  Too late..."

"Oh gah-"  Suddenly, Vick went under and was dragged about twenty feet by large, gummy jaws before he resurfaced.  " _BJ, help-"_ he cried before something took him under again.

"Oops...  guess I'll just have to tell Lyds that her fiance was eaten.  Swallowed whole by the large mouth baragooda!  Oh the tragedy!  Hehe."

"Beetlejuice, please!!  Do someth-" Vick begged before going down one more time.

Satisfied with his success, Beetlejuice swam to the shore and was met with a disappointed Doomie.  "Beep-Beep!" he fussed.

"Yeah, I know he's Lyds' fiance.  So what?"

"Beep?"

"About that, I don't care if he dies.  Good riddance..."

"Beep-beep-beep!  Beep!"

"Babes will get over him.  I'm sure she'll find a new man; one that will be less of self-centered prick."

"Beep..."

"Damn it, Dooms...  Ah, shit!  Fine!  I can't stand the thought of seein' her cry her eyes out... even if it _is_ over some meatbag...  Damn."  With a groan, he dove back into the water and teleported to the unconscious, and nearly eaten, Victor.  He quickly transformed into a bigger and uglier fish terrifying the baragooda into spitting out poor Vick.  B.J. grabbed him and teleported back to the dock where he pumped the water out of his lungs using his own arm as the lever.  After a few pumps and a big slap on the back, Vick was gasping for air again.  "Well, look at that.  He's alive."

"You-You saved me!  Thank goodness!  I thought I was going to be fish food!  Ugh!  Aw, that water is disgusting!  Thank you, BJ, thank you.  How can I repay you?!"

"Don't tell Lyds.  Wouldn't want her to think I'm completely incompetent..."

"Done!  I won't tell her about this or the fight.  Man, you sure saved my skin.  I suppose I owe you an apology too.  Here all this time I thought you were trying to find a way to get rid of me especially after that seductive female persona and all, but I was wrong.  I'm so sorry I doubted you, man."

"You knew that was me?!"

"Yeah!  There hasn't been another soul for miles and all of a sudden there's a beautiful woman out in the middle of BFE nowhere.  Not only that, but you're a shape shifter, right?  Then, you show up and she leaves?  Come on!  I knew it was you after that.  I have to admit, though, you have some great disguises!  How much practice did it take in order to be that good?"

"Well, let's get changed and back on the road; then I'll tell ya a few things."  In the blink of an eye, Beetlejuice was back in his suite and ready to go.  'Damnit, Doomie, why'd ya hafta bring up an image of Lyds bein' all sad over this loser?  I could've had him gone outta my afterlife for good.'  "Ya ready?  I've got another stop in mind."

"Yeah!  Let's go!"  Vick buckled up with a renewed excitement finally feeling safe in the company of his ghost host.  "Can I pick the next disc?"

"Whatever.  Just don't touch any in the purple case.  Those are Lyds' and I don't wanna listen to 'em without her...  I mostly don't wanna listen to 'em.  Heh!  I love that girl, but I don't love all of her music."

"How about some Metallica?"

"Now you're talkin'!  You have pretty good taste in music at least."  Vick smirked and faced out towards his side watching as they passed crooked, gnarled tree after tree and strange plants that looked as hungry as the fish that nearly ate him.  They must have passed an hour just listening to music and pointing out weird structures.

"Where are we going, anyway?  I know I keep asking, but I'm curious."

"We're goin' to see somethin' gross."

"I've come to expect that, honestly.  I figured if it's disgusting, then you're going to share it with someone.  Today, that would be me."

Beetlejuice chuckled and said, "It's right up here.  Welcome to the 'Foot Heels' of the Smoggy Mountains!"  Over the horizon sat row upon row of mountainous feet with warts and fungus growing all over and around them.

"Ah!  Gross!  They look like my grandma's feet!  Ew!  Man, this place is weird!"

"Here looks like a good place to park and walk around.  Stay Doomie.  I'll get ya somethin' to eat after this, 'kay?  I might find me a bite here if it don't bite me first.  Ha!"

"This place smells almost as bad as you do, BJ."  Vick covered his nose as he walked around to admire the strange mushrooms growing.

"That's because we're near the Grand Bunyon.  It's that way."  He pointed left which led further down the road.  "The famous 'corn' fields are this way."  He gestured straight into the forest of dismembered feet.

"I think I'll pass...  This place reeks."

"Well, I brought ya here with all these plants to show ya that even though I can be pretty 'corny', I can still be a 'fungi'.  Hahaha!"

"I'm starting to regret not being eaten by that fish..."

"Oh, lighten up, sour-pus.  Heh!  I'm just _itching_ to show ya Scarizona.  Or maybe you would like to go to Boo York for Helloween Fest?"

"Halloween was almost two months ago.  Christmas is right around the corner."

"Not in Boo York.  There, Helloween Fest is all year long and it just so happens to be startin' right about now.  For a flat price of admission, we could hit the bars, drink all we want, you'll be scared outta your skin suit, meet some pretty ladies, maybe catch the parade.  Whaddya say?"

"The idea of alcohol is making my stomach churn...  ooph..."

"Yeah... mine too...  Ready to go!?"

"No!  No.  Let's grab some food and you can take me to visit some of Lydia's other friends like you said earlier.  I've had quite enough adventure for now and enough alcohol to last a lifetime, thanks."

"As you wish...  Let's go then."  Disappointed, Beetlejuice climbed into the car only to look back and see Vick half eaten by a giant pitcher plant.  "That guy _cannot_ keep outta trouble, can he?  Huu...  Guess I gotta save him one more time..."  He sauntered over to the huge flower that had Vick swallowed up to his knees and punched it square in the bell.  Up came Vick along with a spew of digestive fluids.  "Carnivorous plants... ya know I hate 'em.  C'mon.  Let's get ya back to civilization where everything isn't tryin' to eat ya."

"Thanks again...  I owe you double now."

"Don't mention it.  Lyds would find a way to bring me back to life just to kill me again if somethin' happened to ya.  I wouldn't want to upset the little lady."  Vick buckled up again as the car headed back to town.  The trip back didn't seem half as long as the trip out but it could have just been Vick's enthusiasm at seeing some resemblance of civilization.  Beetlejuice parked Doomie and fed him a tank of gas.  "There ya go, pal.  Get some rest while we visit.  I'm gonna need ya to take us to see Vince in a while, 'kay?"  Doomie answered with a chirpy 'Beep' and shut down.  "Ready to meet some of my neighbors?  I hafta warn you first.  I haven't really socialized with my neighbors in a few years so don't expect the warmest of welcomes once they see my gruesome face.  Vince will probably be the friendliest."

"Sure, I understand."

With a deep breath, B.J. knocked on Jacques' door and waited with his hands in his pockets.  "Bonjour!  Who is it?" Jacque's thick french accent permeated the air as he opened the door.  "Why!  It es Betelgeuse!  It has been quite a while since I had a visit from you, no?  Who are you in debt to now?"

"It's not like that, Jackie-boy.  I actually just wanted to introduce ya to someone.  Jacques, this is Victor - Lydia's fiance.  Lyds is back and I thought you should know."

"Ooh la-la!  Mademoiselle Lydia has come home!?!  C'es magnifique!!  Where is she?!"

"Hi, I'm Victor Black.  Please, call me Vick.  Lyddi is out with her mom right now but I'm sure BJ here will bring her by sometime.  It's nice to meet you," Vick replied extending his hand for a shake.

Jacques extended his spindly hand and shook Vick's.  "Fiance you say?  _Incroyable_ _!_   And you are fine with this, Betelgeuse??  I know you both were so close."

"Well, it's not as if I can stop her.  She's a grown woman who can make her own decisions.  I'm just glad she's talkin' to me again," Beetlejuice shrugged.

"Well, come in-come in!  Have a seat, pull your shoes off-not you, Betelgeuse.  S'il vous plait... keep yours on."

"Sorry, Bones, but we're actually in a bit of a pinch for time.  Sight seeing took longer than I expected and Vick still has others to meet."

"Well, it so happens that Ginger is visiting too!  I know how much she misses Madame Lydia.  Come and introduce yourself," Jacques offered.

"Fine.  One cup of tea for him, a beer for me, and we gotta go."

"Pardon, but I only have wine at ze moment."

"Sure, a glass of wine then.  Anything with alcohol right now 'cause this guy would be killin' me if I weren't already dead."

"Talk with me while I fetch ze drinks.  Tell me, Betelgeuse, what is wrong with le garcon?"

He could hear Ginger and Vick conversing in the next room.  With the guy distracted by Ginger's random nonsensical chat, he answered the question as honestly as he could telling Jacques, "Somethin' about him doesn't seem right.  Somethin' is _off_ , but I just can't place it.  He's different somehow."

"Maybe you are simply threatened because he might finally be ze one.  He may be ze one to take Lydia away from you for good, no?"

"No, babes is adamant that both of us are to get along 'cause she wants both of us in her life.  I'm not threatened by that tulip anyway.  It's somethin' else, Jack, and it's drivin' me up the wall that I can't figure it out."  Jacques handed him a glass filled appropriately with a dark red liquid.

"Maybe you are just looking too hard into it?  He seems like a nice enough person to me.  Look, he's even dancing with Ginger.  If only you two could get along that well."

"Tch!  Ginger is too perky for my taste.  Rubs me the wrong way...  You're almost outta my tolerance, Jackie-boy.  But even with that, I can handle Ginger a lot better than I can Vick and I don't understand why.  Somethin' in me is screamin' to get Lyds away from this guy and I didn't even have these kinds of feelings when she was datin' bad boys in high school.  This is different.  This is unsettling."  He gulped down the entire glass in three swallows and set it aside.

"Sacreblue!  Betelgeuse, you really must go easier on ze alcohol.  You don't wish to do something stupid that will cause Mademoiselle Lydia to run away again."

"I know!  I promised her I would stop but one drink ain't nothin'.  I'm not actually driving either.  Everyone knows Dooms can drive himself.  Well, if ya see Lana, tell her I said hey.  Also, let her know that she left her earrings on my nightstand again and that my 'skeleton key' is under the mat.  I gotta get goin', Bones.  Thanks for the wine.  See ya."

"Au revoir, Betelgeuse."

"C'mon, kid, we need to get goin'.  Lyds will be home soon and we have one more place to visit."

"Aw, do ya hafta leave so soon?  We just started dancin' and I wanted to show him my new routine," Ginger pouted.

"Sorry, Gingie...  Maybe another time.  I don't want Lyds to think we abandoned her.  I'll bring her by sometime before she leaves for Cali, promise."

"You're promises are worth their weight in hot air, Beetlejuice.  Why should I believe you?"

"How about if I promise?  I won't let him forget and I'm sure my sweet Lyddi won't either.  You can trust a promise on Lydia's behalf, right?" Vick intervened.

"Of course!  Lydia always keeps her promises!"  These words cut B.J. right down the middle.  Yes, Lydia keeps her promises except for one very important one to him.  And, as soon as she says her vows to Vick, she will have separated herself even further from that promise, the promise to always have his back no matter what.  Soon, it would be her having _his_ back instead and B.J. would be the odd one out.  But, what did it really matter?  As long as Lydia was happy and thriving then he would be happy for her.  He just wished that he was the one who could still make her happy.

'Wait, what am I thinkin'?  Lydia's never seen me like that.  We're best friends...  I just don't wanna lose that...' he reminded himself.  Jacques and Ginger waved them off as Beetlejuice headed down the road in the opposite direction from where they came.  "Ready to meet Prince Vince?  I gotta warn ya about him too.  He's kind of a drag with his gloom and doom attitude.  I think knowin' Lyds has returned will cheer him up a bit, but I'm not sure how he'll take the news of her engagement.  He was smitten with her when they met and kinda held that spot for years.  Don't be surprised if he tries to lock ya in the dungeon or somethin'.  Heheh!"

"You didn't tell me this before!  Is he going to try and kill me?!"

"Nah, I wouldn't let him.  He likes me enough to let me have that request.  I tried to be his jester once in exchange for tips on how to impress Lyds.  That was a mistake on my end because I thought she was gonna dump me for him...  I mean as her best friend.  Guess I've always been a little competitive for her attention..."

"Um, 'little' is not the appropriate word, BJ."

"Anyway, he's a hospitable guy.  Not much on personality but we get along enough.  Hey, would ya look at that?  His castle isn't drowning under rain clouds.  I wonder what has him entertained?"  Vick didn't understand but had come to take the Neitherworld as literal as possible by now so he assumed a lack of stormy weather was a direct result of the prince's mood.  "You are correct, sir.  When Vince is sad, his castle becomes a sopping mess with all the rain he brings.  I guess you could say he's a 'dead wringer'!  Haha!"

"Something tells me the only sound of laughter you hear from your jokes is you."

"Alright, smartass, outta the car.  Wise guy, I ought to-"

"Halt!" an authorative voice interrupted at the gate.  "State your business!"

"Tell Vince it's BJ here to see him and he has company!  No, it's not Lyds!" Beetlejuice shouted back.  In less than a minute the doors opened and the guards ushered them inside.

"Beetlejuice!!  My dear friend, where have you been?!  Come in and have a seat in the parlor room with me.  Won't you introduce me to your friend?"

"Hey, Vince.  How's it goin'?-Good to see ya.  This is Vick, Lydia's fiance.  Did I mention she's back?  I need to speak with you in  _private_ for a bit.  Huh?"  Beetlejuice pursed his mouth together and shot a look down the hallway signaling an urgent need of private conversation.

"Certainly, but first, Miss Lydia is speaking to you again?  Oh what joyous news!!  And she's to wed this young man??  Oh how delightful!  We must get to know each other!  I am Prince Vince of the Neitherworld.  It is an honor to meet you Victor."  Vince bowed in politeness.

"Good-good, everyone's familiar.  Now can we please talk?"

"Oh!  You meant now.  I suppose I can have one of my butlers give Victor a tour of the castle."

"What's wrong, BJ?  Is there something you can't say in front of me?" Vick asked in an accussing manner.

"You might be my best friend's fiance but some matters are still private.  Now, go tour the place.  Put a lizard up a maid's skirts or somethin'.  I won't be long."  The butler escorted Vick down the hall while Vince opened the doors to the parlor for drinks and a bite to eat.  The Prince ordered the fireplace to be lit and tea to be poured.

"Thank you, gentlemen.  You may leave us now.  So, Beetlejuice, what is it you needed to speak with me about?  What can I do for you that you can't do yourself?"

"I have a couple of things buzzin' around in my head.  First thing's first.  What do ya think about Vick?  I took him to see Jack and Ginger before bringin' him here, and they loved him.  Of course, I only listened to Jackie's opinion because Ginger practically fell in love with the guy.  What about you?"

"He seems like a nice fellow, but there is definitely something out of place.  I can't quite put my finger on it yet it's almost palpable."

"I knew it!!  I knew I wasn't losin' my mind!"

"Oh, my dear friend, you've always been insane.  This time, you happen to be correct in your instinctual suspicions.  I could sense it too the moment he walked into my throne room."

"I don't understand why Lyds can't sense it, whatever _it_ is."

"Maybe it's something she isn't attuned to like you and I are.  Or, maybe it's overworld magic conflicting with you 'Juice' as you put it.  You know you have a natural aversion to witchcraft and overworld paraphernalia related to witchcraft being a spectre and all.  Miss Lydia could have put a protection spell of some sort on the gent."

"I doubt it.  Lyds doesn't mess with a lot of spells and brews.  She's more a medium than a caster.  And Vick himself doesn't practice anything that I'm aware of, however, he's pretty interested in it."

"Really?  That's odd.  How did he react when you brought him here?  Usually mortals experiencing the oddities of the Neitherworld panic at first...  Not that we ever have mortals entering the Neither..."

"Yeah, and Lyds was an exception.  She embraced it with open arms.  Which is weird that this mook is also interested in the place.  I mean, he screamed like a little girl when a baragooda tried to eat him, which was hilarious by the way!  But, other than that, he's been excited most of the time."

"Odd indeed... yet, it's not necessarily a bad thing.  Maybe it makes him a suitable match for Miss Lydia.  You know, Beetlejuice, I'm surprised that you're taking such an arrangement so well."  Vince sipped his tea and waited for the predictable response.

"What are ya talkin' about?"  There it was; the denial.  "Why wouldn't I be alright with my closest friend marryin' someone who'll make her happy?  Someone who'll take care of her?  What's wrong with that?"

"Funny, I always thought you would be the one to make her happy and take care of her.  Why, with the way you tried to drive a wedge between us, I thought for sure you would try to kill anyone else Miss Lydia became romantically involved with.  You always were jealous when it came to the lady.  But... I guess that's how it is when you're in love with someone."

"In love?  Why does everyone keep sayin' that?  I ain't in love with my best friend!  That's ridiculous, Vince.  Besides, I thought _you_ would be upset and ready to throw Vicky in the dungeon."

"Oh!  Haven't you heard?  I'm courting a lovely maiden who I fancy to be my wife.  I find that it would be thrilling to see my friend marry and have a wonderful family."  Beetlejuice sighed and slumped back in the antique chair with a cup of spider cider in his hands.  "My friend, when will you come out of this denial?  Your feelings for Miss Lydia are written all over your face when you talk about her, when you think about her, even when you look at her.  When she's involved, you are the cheeriest I have ever seen you and It's not only me who notices.  Your feelings for her shine like the sun and therefore you shine.  The time she has been gone is the worst I've known you to be.  You all but disappeared from the Neitherworld and, to be honest, your practical jokes and pranks have been missed.  Everyone has noticed how you changed these past four years.  Now, here you are having a drink with me and visiting others the moment she steps back into your life?  And you mean to tell me you're not in love??  The only one you are deceiving is yourself, good sir."

"Oh, pu-lease.  Things just weren't as much fun without her is all.  She was my partner in 'slime' and there wasn't a point anymore without her by my side."

"Sounds like love to me."  Vince flashed B.J. a smug grin to which he rolled his eyes in return.  "Anyway, I'll not tease you further.  Do tell, what is the other manner of business?"

"I need a favor and it's a pretty large one.  Text book size even, hehe!  I need ya to comb through the book of names and find this one."  Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and pulled a bit of paper out of the air with the name 'Elena Black' written on it.  "This Elena was Vick's former lady and I think he may be tryin' to replace her with Lyds.  I don't think she's here but on the off chance she is, I would like to know a little more about this guy.  I assume they were married the way he spoke about her.  If there's no Elena Black, then try to find any Elena that fits the bill.  Let's see, what did he say last night at the bar??  Long, black hair, topaz blue eyes, slender and curvy bod, a real babe it sounds like.  She's young, real young like Lyds and is sweet tempered with the patience of a saint.  Also sounds like a real bore."

"I will try, B.J.  I can't make any promises that I'll find her name, but I will have all eyes searching the book for a name and a face to go with it.  Is that all you wanted, my friend?"

"Yeah, I can't be askin' too much after keepin' my pretty face hidden in the bottom of a bottle for over four years."

"Haha!  Anytime, Beetlejuice, you're more than welcome here.  Please, don't wait so long to visit again.  Oh!  And _do_ bring Miss Lydia to see me!  She is deeply missed."

"Don't worry, Vince.  Lyds won't let me forget.  She misses everyone else too, so she's just 'dyin'' to come by!  Ha!  Thanks for the cider, Vince.  I'll see ya later.  Oh, and don't tell the chef but his rump roast is about to be a roasted rump courtesy of yours truly.  Hehe!"

"Oh, Beetlejuice, what are we ever to do with you?"

"Beetlejerk!!" came a voice from down the corridor.  "I'm going to put _you_ in this stew as soon as I get my hands on you!  There is a _butt_ floating in my broth!!"

"Bwahaha!  C'mon, Vick!!  Let's get outta here before they tan my hide!!"  B.J. ran past Vick yanking him by the arm and flying out one of the windows.  "Smell ya later, Vince!!  I'm back, baby!!  Woohoo!"  He saluted the staff with a lewd gesture of his middle finger as he revved up Doomie and sped off.  "How about _that_ for a royal 'gesture', haha!"

"Why did you do that??  Prince Vince was nice enough to have a private sitting with you and he gave me a tour of the place.  What was to be gained in all of this?"

"Vince is my pal, but his staff are a bunch of dicks...  lame, limp headed dicks..."

"Geeze... it's always something with you.  Well, did you find what you came for?"

"Sure, I guess.  Did _you_ _?_ "

"You're the one that took me there!  I wasn't looking for anything!  I would have liked to chat with him some more, though.  Maybe we can come back sometime?"

"Maybe, but for now we need to get home to Lyds.  She'll be waitin' for us soon."

"Actually, I was thinking...  We have a little time.  Perhaps you could let me search for Elena - at least _see_ if she's a resident in the Neitherworld because this totally looks like the kind of place she would want to stay in."

"It doesn't work that way.  Besides, I already told ya.  Pure souls either go to heaven or they go to rest if they weren't pure enough for heaven but not evil enough for hell.  Your babe won't be here if she's as pure as ya say, and if she's not then that means you've been lyin' to me.  So, either way it's best if we don't look."

"You don't understand, BJ!!  If I have a chance to see her again then I have a chance to-"

"To do _what_ , exactly?-Hmm?  To tell her how happy you are without her?  To tell her how ya moved on and are marrying another gal?  Really??  Say you do find her name in the registry.  Then what?  Why make the gal sad just to appease your curiosity?  What would be the point in that?"  Vick didn't say anything.  He hung his head as all of his features drooped into a melancholy expression.  "See?  Ya know I'm right."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to be such an ass about it," Vick pouted.

"I would rather hurt your fragile little feelin's than watch some dame fall to pieces over you bein' some kinda jerk.  Anyway, ready to go home?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, soon as I get Doomie put up, all ya gotta do is say 'home' three times and we can leave.  Sayin' my name three times releases the juice and seals it away but sayin' home three times takes ya home without sealin' my juice away.  Alright, ready?"  He put Doomie back in the garage and leaned on Vick's shoulder.

"Okay, home-home-home!" Vick shouted.  The magic words brought them to the place between worlds where Lydia so often crossed into the Neither.  Vick opened the door and was in the basement.  "Wow!  How bizarre...  Hey, man, thanks for taking me everywhere today and showing me your home.  In spite of all the attitude and your rude demeanor, you're not half bad."

"You're not so terrible yourself, I guess.  Ooh!  I think I hear Lyds!"  Beetlejuice crept up the stairs and flung open the door in Lydia's face shouting, "Welcome home, babes!!"

" _Beetlejuice!_ " Lydia gasped.  "You nearly frightened me out of my skin!!  Don't do that, you big goof!"  She swatted him playfully with a magazine she had rolled up in her hand.

"Ya shoulda seen the look on your face, babes!!  It was priceless!"

"I'll get you, Beej.  Just you wait.  What was it you used to say?  I have not yet begun to 'fright'!"

"Haha!  Perfect, Lyds, perfect.  Boy, I can't wait to tell ya all about today!  I took Vick to the Neitherworld and-"

"Oh my gosh!!  Vick, your eyes!!  Beej, your nose!!  What happened to you boys?  You both look as if you got into a fight!"

"Oh, yeah, I had a run-in with Scuzzo and Fuzzo...  They weren't too happy about me hustlin' 'em out of some money a couple of weeks ago.  So, they saw me out and jumped me in order to get their money back, but what they weren't 'banking' on was _this_ guy havin' a mean jab and right hook!  Hey, what's wrong with my nose?"

"It's crooked, and I mean more crooked than usual.  Beej, you really should quit cheating others out of their money.  It's not fair to have such an upper hand and be nearly undetectable with it.  Hold still and let me fix the your nose."  He winced a little as Lydia realigned his bridge.  "And you!  Follow me and I'll doctor that black eye of yours."  She beckoned Vick to the bedroom where all of her things were splayed out across the entire room.  She found her first aid kit and pulled out an ointment.

"Nice save," Vick whispered.  "But, who's Scuzzo and Fuzzo?"

"A couple of damn clowns.  They're awful, so don't worry about usin' 'em as a scapegoat."

"I didn't think you were capable of lying like that to Lyddi."

"I'm capable of anything.  Don't forget it."

"Well, well, look at you two running rampant in the Neitherworld and getting into fights together.  I knew you would be good friends if you just got to know each other a little better.  I'm glad to see you're playing nice, heehee!" Lydia doted as she applied ointment to Vick's swollen eye.  "By the way, Beej, I bought your Christmas present while I was out.  Now, don't you go snooping around trying to figure out what it is.  I'll give it to you at Christmas."

"Aw, but where's the fun in that?"

"Behave, BJ.  I think you'll like it.  I saw it and immediately thought of you."

"Thanks, babes.  I know I'll love it because you picked it."  He pulled up the vanity chair and wrapped his arms around her waist as she dabbed cream on Vick's eye.

"Careful, Beej!  This stuff will burn if poke Vick in the eyeball with it.  Does that feel any better, dear?"

"Yes, my love.  Thank you," Vick replied pecking Lydia on her blood red lips.

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes and buried himself in Lydia's side.  He felt a sudden inexplicable tightness in his chest.  "BJ??  Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a little worn out from all the fun we had today.  Apparently my nose was out of place and it must have drained my juice.  If I had known, I woulda fixed it a lot earlier.  Babes, I think I'm gonna retire for the night.  Call me if ya need me."

"Okay, BJ.  Sleep well.  Tap on my mirror if _you_ need _me_."  She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him close.

"Absolutely, babes."  He returned her hug with his own embrace and a genuine smile that he rarely showed.  He ruffled her hair and turned to Vick.  "Nice ridin' with ya.  We'll do it again sometime before ya leave."

"I had fun, BJ.  Thanks again for introducing me to some of Lyddi's friends."  He just nodded and disappeared once Lydia sent him back home.

"Well, are you going to tell me about your trip or what?" Lydia asked Vick with a look of excitement.  Vick smiled and pulled her close to him for a big kiss.

"How about I tell you _after_ I receive a little attention?  I've missed you all day and now you're here and you're beautiful and all I want to do is hold you and-"

"Vick!  Not while my parents are still awake.  As a matter of fact, you need to wash up and ready for dinner.  Goodness!  You sure _smell_ like you've been hanging around, BJ.  Haha!  Mom's cooking dinner so you better hurry before she's done."  Vick complied and gathered his things for a shower while Lydia picked him an outfit.  Suddenly a thump in her chest rose when she realized she was already missing Beetlejuice and wished he hadn't left so soon.  She was truly looking forward to hearing about all the mischief they had been up to today from him.  'Get a hold of yourself, Lydia.  He's just tired.  You know his powers don't work properly if hes not fully intact.  Even his nose being out of line had an effect on him.  He'll probably come wake you in the middle of the night to go on some weird adventure just the two of you.'  With renewed optimism, she dropped Victor's clothes off and went to work setting the table for dinner all while fighting the butterflies in her stomach from seeing Beetlejuice again.  She now regretted leaving her poncho and nervously fussed over what she should wear.  "What is wrong with me?  It's like I've never spent time with him before.  All I need is my PJ's.  Beej doesn't care if I come over in my sleep clothes, so why do I all of sudden?"  She shook off weird feeling in her chest and tummy and finished helping Delia in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it, crappie are pronounce like croppy (poppy, hoppy, etc.) but I changed the spelling so they would be pronounced like crap - crappy. lol!  
> Song of inspiration:  
> "I'm on a sentimental journey  
> Into sight and sound  
> Of no return and no looking back or down  
> A conscientious objector to the  
> War that's in my mind  
> Leaving in the lurch and I'm  
> Taking back what's mine  
> I'm on a mission  
> Into destination unknown  
> An expedition  
> Onto desolation road  
> (where I'm a...)  
> Castaway-going at it alone  
> Castaway-now I'm on my own  
> Castaway-going at it alone  
> Castaway-now I'm on my own  
> Lost and found, trouble bound,  
> Castaway  
> I'm riding on the night train and  
> Driving stolen cars  
> Testing my nerves out on the blvd.  
> Spontaneous combustion in the  
> Corners of my mind  
> Leaving in the lurch  
> And I'm taking back what's mine  
> I'm on a mission  
> Into destination unknown  
> An expedition  
> Onto desolation road  
> (where I'm a...)  
> Castaway-going at it alone  
> Castaway-now I'm on my own  
> Castaway-going at it alone  
> Castaway-now I'm on my own  
> Lost and found, trouble bound,  
> Castaway." -- Castaway - Green Day


	5. These Small Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Lydia predicted, B.J. pays her a late night visit to drag her to the Neitherworld. He couldn't even wait until the following morning to whisk her away. With much needed conversation and laughter, the two reconnect with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for a little fluff to balance out B.J.'s attempted murder. Nothing exciting but important for the story plot.

Just as Lydia predicted, a light tapping sounded from her mirror a little past midnight.  It wasn't loud enough to stir her from her deep slumber, so Beetlejuice called in a loud whisper, "Babes.  Hey, Lyds!  Wake up.  C'mon, let me out!"

"Hmm?...  Beej?...  What are you doing?" Lydia yawned.

"I came to see ya for a moment.  Ya gonna open the door or do ya need to 'reflect' on it?"

"Oh, Beetlejuice.  It's too early for your jokes."

"Is it too late to grab some grub?  A big, fat, juicy one at that?"

"Ew, Beetlejuice!"

"One more, babes!  C'mon..."

"Hee!  Alright, Beetlejuice..."  Green smoke filled the room as he appeared on the side of her bed stretched out with one knee propped up and his other leg crossed on top of it.

"Much better.  Thanks, babes."

Lydia squirmed closer to him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and said, "Vick told me what you did; how you saved his life twice yesterday.  Thank you, BJ, for taking care of him.  I know you don't like him but it means so much to see you try."

"As I said, anything to make ya happy.  I failed once and I don't intend on havin' a repeat.  I can't believe he told ya after I asked him not to.  Kinda irks me a bit..." Beetlejuice grumbled as he curled an arm around her still so small frame.

"Don't be upset with him.  He told me so I would know how hard you tried today.  He also told me you replaced Vince's dinner with a dismembered, uh, rear-end.  Haha!  Good one, BJ!  Was Vince mad?"

"Nah, he thought it was just 'cheeky'!"

"Oh, BJ.  You're hopeless."

"Say, wanna grab a bite?"

"Only if it will turn me into a vampire," Lydia enunciated dramatically as she stretched.  "I'm stuffed from dinner still.  But, I'll go with you if you're looking for company.  Let me write a note for Vick in case he wakes up and can't find me.  Should I change out of my night clothes??"

"I didn't.  Besides we're just goin' to the Night Howl diner."

"But, BJ, you're wearing your suit, not your pajamas."

"Yeah, and?"

"You said you were in your night clothes..."

"Correct.  Day clothes, night clothes, swim 'suit', heh, I wear it all the time."

"That's so gross, Beej.  I would feel better if I could change."

"Fine, I'll turn around."  Beetlejuice closed his eyes and faced the bedroom door.

"I'm not changing with you in the room!  Go outside!"

"And walk into open temptation to scare everyone awake?  As fun as that would be, I really don't want to stir Vicky-boy if ya catch my drift.  I have a better idea.  Here."  With a snap of his fingers Lydia went from fuzzy pajamas to her red poncho in no time.

"Deadly-vu!  Thanks, BJ!  Let's go!  Though I know I should be weary, still I venture some place scary.  Ghostly hauntings I turn loose.  Beetlejuice-Beetlejuice-BEETLEJUICE."  In an instant, they were sent to the Neitherworld and spat out in front of the Roadhouse.

"Well, shall we walk, my fair babes?"

"How about we take Doomie!  It's been too long!"  Lydia raced up the steps and sprinted around to the garage where Doomie slept.  "Doomie!  I've missed you so much!"  The moment he heard her voice, Dragster of Doom started honking and beeping with uncontainable excitement.

"Quiet, Dooms!!  You'll wake the dead!- _literally._   Sure would be a real 'drag' to be kicked out of my house again.  Heh."

"No more horn, okay Doomie?  BJ is right.  Are you ready to go for a little drive, boy?"

"Beep-Beeep!!" Doomie honked enthusiastically.

"Betelgeuse!!  What are you doing up this late honking the horn on your car?!  Have you finally lost all of your senses?!"  Jacques stepped out of his house in a large, blue robe with white bones all over it.

"Yeah!  What's the big idea?  I'm trying to catch some cutie sleep!" Ginger also stepped out to complain.

"Sacrebleu!!  Can it be?!  Mademoiselle Lydia has returned!!"

"Ah!!  Lydia!!  Welcome home, dear!!"  They both swarmed her about the same time Poopsie and Poopette started barking.

"What I'm tarhooties is goin' on out there?!  Beetlejuice!!  What are ya tryina do?  Wake the neighborhood?!"

"Too late for that.  I've succeeded apparently," he answered sarcastically as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"What's with all the racket, hun?" Monstress asked coming to the window to check out the commotion.

"I be darned!  Lydia's here!"  Monster and Monstress both looked at each other and raced for their matching house coats to welcome their estranged friend.  "Oh!  Hun, the baby!  Grab him real quick, would ya?" Monster asked before running out the door.  Monstress obliged and gently picked up their sleeping toddler.

"Oh!!  Monster!  How are you and Monstress?!" Lydia greeted him.

"We're doin' great!  Got hitched and started a family since you last visited.  How have ya been, little darlin'?"  Monster patted her on the head ruffling her hair much to B.J.'s exasperation.  Now, ditching everyone would take forever since Lydia hadn't seen her other friends in so long.

"Oui!  _Where_ have you been as well?!" Jacques chimed in.

"Well, I- Oh my gosh!  Monster, is that your baby?  He's so cute!" Lydia bounced around trying to keep up with several conversations at once.

"Yeah, cute...  We'll go with that..." Beetlejuice griped.

"He just turned two years old in October.  His birthday is Halloween of all days," Monstress told her proudly.  She passed him to Lydia who wanted badly to hold him.  "His name is Scamp and he is a handful, let me tell ya."

"Congratulations you two!  I'm very happy for you.  Oh, Jacques, I didn't answer your question!  Yes, well, I've been attending school in California while learning what it means to be independent.  I'm hoping to graduate in the spring and start working on my Master's degree."

"Oh wow!  Our little Lydia has been busy.  College, travel, engagement, and now she's back to adventuring again.  How exciting!" Ginger noted.

"Gosh, I'm so happy to see everyone tonight.  I'm so sorry that Doomie woke you all."

"I'll say..." Beetlejuice continued to sulk.

"Quit being a child, BJ.  We'll leave in a moment.  This is my first time seeing everyone since I've been back.  I'm sorry, guys.  I promise I'll come by again but Beej is getting 'antsy' for something to eat.  I'll see all of you soon!"

Everyone waved goodbye as Doomie pulled out and headed for town.  "Finally!  I didn't think we were ever gonna leave!" Beetlejuice sighed.

"Must you be so rude?  They only wanted to say hello."

"This is my time with ya!  They can wait."

" _Your_ time?!  You don't own a timeshare on me, Beetlejuice."

"That's strike one, babes.  And is that like a real thing?  Maybe draw up some paperwork and tell Vick to bite me?"

" _Bee Jay..._   Stop it.  There's room in my life for both of you and that's how it shall be.  I told him the same thing.  You don't have to compete for my attention."

"I'm not competing for your attention.  That's no contest!  I'm always the winner in that race!  I'm lookin' out for ya, babes.  I just wanna protect you.  I know I haven't done the best job but I meant well.  I know I went overboard that one night, but I'm not sorry for doin' it.  I'm only sorry for goin' as far as I did 'cause it cost me _you_.  Bein' honest, I had a lot of fun."  A chilling smile slowly curled across his face as he recalled the chase, the capture, the-  "Hey!  We're here.  Get whatever ya want, babes.  I'm buyin' tonight."

"I think I change my mind.  I might have some 'boo'-berry pancakes...  Or should I have poisonberry?!"

"Get both!  Like I said, whatever ya want, babes."

"How do you afford all of this without a job, BJ?"

"Heh, how easy you forget that I'm the champ of cheat, the sultan of sabatoge, the potentate of poker, the count of counting cards, and the honcho of hustling!"

"Don't forget the sovereign of screwing people out of their money..."

"Now ya get it!"

"Oh brother...  It wasn't a compliment, Beej.  By the way, I still stand by the claim that your escapade of revenge on my behalf was completely unnecessary and cruel.  But, I should have talked to you - fought with you even...  Not just completely walked out on you like I did.  I still can't believe you forgave me so easily.  I've been meaning to ask you, why??  Why were you so quick to forgive me?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked with genuine confusion as he pulled out her chair using a little magic.

"First off, you're a notorious grudge holder.  Second, I abandoned you.  You were my only friend at one point and I walked away like it was nothing in my anger.  Aren't you afraid to trust me again?  Even a little?"

"Are you afraid I'm plotting some kind of revenge?"  He cast her a devious smirk taking a seat on the opposite side of the table.  He leaned in halfway across waiting for her response.

"I  _wasn't_ , but it will keep me up tonight.  Thanks."

"Haha!!  Lyds, if I wanted revenge, I wouldn't have waited as I have previously 'demon'-strated.  Actually, I've been waitin' on ya to finally call me."

Lydia's mouth dropped open in surprise but the waitress came by before she had a chance to speak.  "What can I get for ya tonight?" she greeted them with a staleness in her voice that screamed of a desire to be anywhere else.  The reason was pretty obvious as she glowered at Beetlejuice then gave Lydia a look of bewilderment as her eyes slowly looked her over.

"Oh, can I get a stack of 'boo'-berry pancakes, please?" Lydia ordered first in an attempt to break the awkwardness.

"And I'll take a beetleburger with a large side of french flies,"  Beetlejuice cut in immediately passing the menu back to their server.

"Coming right up...  Good luck keeping those pancakes down with  _him_ as dinner company, hun..." the jaded and wrinkled woman sighed as she scratched the order down.

"Teehee, same old BJ.  You're still a mess and causing others grief.  I'm not sure I even want to know what you do to that poor woman when you come here.  Anyway, about what you just said.  Were you truly _that_ confident I would call you back??"

"Nope, just hopeful."

" _Why??_ "

"All I have is time, babes.  It's not like I sat around day in and day out.  I took up my former job as a bio-exercist to pass some time and make some cash, I partied, got into some fights, broke out the chemistry set, watched A LOT of television..."

"What would you have done if I never did come back??"

Beetlejuice cast her a smirk and said proudly, "I knew it was just a matter of time before ya came back.  No one can resist my devilish charms."

"Harty-har-har...  You think you're cute, don't you?"

"Babes, I'm adorable."  Lydia hung her head down on the table and laughed.

"You're such a cad, BJ!  You always know how to make me laugh even if I don't want to.  You always had that gift."  She looked up with her chin still resting on the rickety table and smiled sweetly at him.  He swallowed hard and felt a little heat rush to his face.

"Hey, babes, you asked me a question earlier.  Well, I gotta personal question for _you_ this time."

"What's up, Beej?"  Lydia sat back up to engage in conversation.  It wasn't often Beetlejuice had anything serious to talk about and she didn't want to miss it.

"Well, ya asked my opinion on kids, so I want your personal opinion on love."

"Do you mean love in general?  Puppy love?  Romantic love?  Which one?"

"True love.  Do ya believe in it?  Do ya believe it can last an eternity like everyone says, even beyond the grave?"

"BJ, you don't believe in true love..."

"Humor me.  I answered your question, now you get to answer mine in return."  The waitress returned with their order, glanced at Lydia, looked back at B.J., and shook her head in disbelief as she moved on to the next table.

"Hmm..." Lydia began tapping the smooth end of her fork to her lips in thought.  "Well, I have to say that I actually do believe in true love.  I believe that people can fall out of passion and the fire can die down, but I don't believe it can ever be completely snuffed out.  Once you've loved someone, they stay in your heart forever because you gave a piece of yourself to that person.  The feeling might change, but you don't stop loving someone.  I think it's easy to fall out of the fires of romance because people are so quick to rush into a relationship and they're all too willing to declare it love when it's simply infatuation or lust.  They're in love with the _idea_ of someone they're with rather than the person themself.  However, when love is right, couples stay together until they leave this world and sometimes after.  There are those who lose their significant other and never remarry because it hurts too much.  So, yes, I believe in true love and I think it could conquer the world."

"Hmph.  Such an optimistic view.  Same old Lyds.  Always lookin' on the bright side of things."

"I have to question why you're interested in my point of view on love.  Ah!  Is there a particular someone special, BJ?  I bet I know who!  It's Lana, isn't it?!  Oh, tell me, Beej!"

"What?!  No, nothin' like that.  Besides, I'm not exactly marriage material, Lyds.  Too much of me to go around to confine myself to one woman... don't think I could commit, ya know?  Heheh!"  He cut his eyes to the burger too embarrassed at the moment to look Lydia in the face.  He poked around his flies pretending to look for the crunchiest one.

"Does it have anything to do with the argument you and Vick had earlier?"

"He told ya about that too?!  Grrr...  I'll kill 'im..."

"BJ, you need to understand that Vick is the one I'm about to spend the rest of my life with.  He's not going to keep secrets from me.  I'm just glad you two didn't wind up in a fist fight or something.  Hehe!"

'Phew!  He didn't tell her about that at least...'  "Well, not really.  I just realized I never knew how ya felt about the subject.  Guess I'm just tryin'a figure out why you're marrying that dope."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think you would make a great husband and any woman would be extremely lucky to have you."  Lydia stared into her half eaten pancakes and stirred the Neitherworld fruit around on her plate.  While she teased the berries around with her fork, she asked in almost a whisper, "BJ... can... can I tell you something and you keep it to yourself, especially from Vick?"

Beetlejuice looked up with a rush of excitement.  He felt a grin start to form in the corner of his mouth at the idea of Lydia confiding something private in _him_ over her fiance.  If it's a secret to be kept from Vick, then he would take it to oblivion.  "I'll keep any secret ya want from _him,_ babes.  Go ahead!  Lay it on me!"  He shoved his chair around to her side and pulled her head to his shoulder.  "I'm all ears, babes!"  Suddenly, he sprouted ears all over his face making Lydia laugh hard.  "I'll keep it all under wraps!"  Beetlejuice made her laugh harder as he turned into a mummy for emphasis.  "Consider my lips sealed," he said zipping his mouth shut.  " _And_ , ya know I'll take it to my grave 'cause...  _I'm already here!!_   HAHAHA!"

"Beetlejuice!  Stop it!-Before I die laughing and join you!  Hahaha!"

"That's strike two, babes.  The bright side of that is, you would be with me all the time.  We would have a new adventure everyday!  A new scam-new prank _everyday_!  You would have a room at my place - no need to worry about a place to stay - and I'd let ya keep it as clean as ya wanted.  We would never be bored."

"As amazing as that would be, I'm not quite done with my current life.  Plus, Mom and Dad would miss me too much if I checked out now.  Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is... well...  I'm starting to wonder if maybe I rushed into this engagement with Vick.  I mean, I'm not even through school yet, all I have is a part-time job as a waitress at the cafe down the road from my apartment, and I'm already committing my life to someone.  What if I'm making a big mistake, BJ?"

Over-stuffing his mouth with beetleburger, Beetlejuice contemplated his next words more carefully than usual.  He didn't want to alienate her in this moment with his truest of thoughts, so he cushioned them a bit.  "Well, ya have a few different options.  There's always breakin' it off and tellin' him you're not ready.  Or, ya could just stay engaged for an indefinite amount of time until ya figure it out.  Also, I could still scare him away like I used to do.  But, I know ya better than that.  You wouldn't go for it."

"You're right; I wouldn't.  Although, I appreciate your approach in bringing it up.  I'm proud of you, Beej.  You actually gave me some sensible advice for once and you're surprisingly correct on some of it.  I guess there's no rush in having the wedding.  We could just live together for a while and stay engaged while I make it through school."

"No prob, babes.  And, I promise it will stay between us.  'Course, if ya ever did wanna leave him, I'll help ya.  That offer will always be on the table."

"Thanks, BJ.  I do appreciate it."  She leaned over and kissed his cheek making him turn slightly red in the face.  He threw his arms around her to hold her close so she wouldn't notice his fluster.  "Haha!  I love you, BJ."  She told him returning his embrace.

"I love you too, Lyds."  It was this moment, this simple moment, that he understood exactly how he meant it and how _much_ he meant it.  If there was ever a person he could love, if there was ever such a thing as true, pure, undying love, then he felt it for only one person.  The one who accepted him for all his flaws and faults, the one who forgave him unconditionally, the one who's heart he patched up countless times each time another so-called friend or boyfriend turned out to be a disappointment was the one he loved.  Everything he ever wanted was wrapped up in his arms that very moment.  He was in love with his best friend.  He was in love with her and she was about to marry some other creep.  'Talk about your bad plots in romantic comedies...  yeeesh...  Damnit!  Prick-Vick was right!  I _am_ in love with Lyds!  Shit!  When did this happen?!  _How_ did this happen??  She was just a kid!  Not anymore... but still!  This wasn't supposed to happen!  I gotta talk to Vince!  Or Jacques!  Maybe one of 'em will know what to do.  I can't just ruin Lydia's life like this.  I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with _me_.  She's _my_ babes.  I gotta figure out a way to get Vick outta this picture...'

"Is something wrong, Beej?"  Lydia pulled back seeing the confounded look on his face.

"Huh!?  I'm fine, babes!  No need to be a worry-wart over me.  I got plenty of 'em already!"

"You're hopeless, BJ.  What am I to do with you?"

"Finish your pancakes, babes, and we'll hit the road!  Light up the sky!  We'll paint the town red again!"

"Hah!  I would love to, but I need to go back and rest.  Mom is wanting to start planning for her annual Christmas Eve party and has requested my presence.  She needs help.  You _are_ coming, right?  To the party, I mean?  Mom told me to invite you since you're my best friend and all.  You're not her favorite person, but she appreciates all the work you have done on the house and all the other oddities you brought to our lives, 'Mr. Beetleman'.  Heehee!  What do you say, Beej?"

"Absolutely!  I wouldn't pass up a chance to party.  I'm a party animal after all.  Ahooo!!"  With a howl, Beetlejuice turned his face into a wolf's and disturbed everyone around causing a rise out of the staff and customers.

"You also put the howl in the Night Howl diner...  Let's go before we're kicked out!"  Laughing obnoxiously, he threw enough cash on the table to cover the bill plus tip and bolted out the door with Lydia's hand in his.  Once they were speeding out of the parking lot, she continued.  "I'm going to ask a huge favor of you and you're not going to want to do it."

"What's that, babes?"

"Please, BJ, take a bath and brush your teeth.  Maybe change your clothes too.  For the party, that is!  Just for one night, look and smell decent for me?  You're going to be around a bunch of people who won't know you're dead and I want to keep it that way.  This and my wedding are the only occasions I'll ever request this of you."

"Sure.  I'll do it for ya.  But, you must do somethin' for me in return."

"Oh?  What would that be?"  Lydia eyed him from the corner of her lids as she raced Doomie up the loops and hills of the twisted road.

"Have some food there for me.  Make, like, some guaca-'moldy' with tortilla chips-the ones with a hint of slime, or have some 'finger' foods, preferably lady fingers made from genuine 16th century ladies with 'limb'berger cheese or casu marzu.  Oh!-and let me drink as much as I want."

"Don't make me throw up my pancakes...  I haven't been around your type of food in so long that it makes me queasy.  The beetleburger and flies were okay because they cook them beyond recognition.  I don't think  _anyone_ in the house could handle casu marzu cheese either, _but_ I can definitely make the guaca-'moldy' and grab some chips."

"Fair enough.  Thanks, Lyds!  Just tell me when to show up.  I warn ya, though, I might be fashionably late."

"You're not going to put on that New-U cologne monstrosity, are you?"

"I didn't think of that!  I could do that so ya wouldn't need to worry about fixin' me somethin' special to eat.  In that altered state of mind, I don't care.  I also don't mind takin' a bath and brushin' my teeth..."

"But it's not really _you_.  I want _you_ to come to this party, not one of your personas.  I don't want Betty, Beatrice, Beetleman, or anyone else, just you.  Okay?"

Beetlejuice put his hands behind his head and leaned back in the seat with a bemused grin.  "As you wish, babes."  He meant it when he said anything to make her happy and he was more than willing to prove it.  Never had he been so committed to someone; none that he could remember anyway.  They parked Doomie and Lydia told him goodnight receiving a sloppy, wet lick of affection in the process.  She took her and B.J. both back to her room in the overworld.  "Whelp, guess this is where we say goodnight, babes.  Will I be seein' ya tomorrow or are ya busy?"

"You wouldn't want to entertain Vick again, would you?"

"If I must..."

"I'm teasing, Beej.  You were courteous enough to keep him busy for a day.  I wouldn't ask you to do it again so soon.  Dad will be home for the rest of the week anyway.  Maybe we can all three go out tomorrow and do something together after mother is done siphoning my creative juices and twisting them into something beyond recognition.  Ooh!  I can invite Bertha and Prudence to come along too!  What would you like to do?  As a big 'thank you' for taking such good care of my fiance, we'll do whatever you want.  It will be our treat too.  How does that sound?"

"Sounds like you're askin' for trouble lettin' me plan a night out 'cause I attract mischief and mayhem."

"I don't think you'll burn the city down in a single night."

"Oh, you're wantin' to hang out up here?  I suppose I could be the afterlife of the party for a night.  Heheh."

"Great!  I'll call you when I'm through helping mom so be ready.  Be thinking about what you want to do as well."

"Oh, I already know what I wanna do.  If I hafta play nice with Vick plus entertain Burp and Prune, then I wanna hit the pub, shoot pool, and drink a little."

"I'm okay with that-"

"Uh-uh.  I wasn't finished, babes.  I _also_ wanna see you let loose and get a little tipsy with me," Beetlejuice smirked mischievously at her.  "It's no fun drinkin' alone and I've been doin' it for years now.  Drink with me!  I'll teach ya how to down shots and funnel a beer.  What do ya say?"

"BJ, I don't care for drinking.  I tried when I first started college and it just wasn't fun."

"Alright, I won't pressure ya then.  I just thought it would be fun to have a drinkin' buddy.  Guess I'll hafta get Vicky-boy wasted again, heh."

"Wait, I change my mind...  Maybe drinking with you will be different than drinking with a bunch of strangers.  No beer though.  It's so gross."

"Trust me, babes, your choice of company doesn't change the taste of alcohol.  However, I'm experience enough to help you find somethin' accommodating to your taste... and I know when to cut ya off."

"Fine, I trust you.  And, it's not like I have anywhere to be or anything to do the next day if I screw up and tank myself.  I'm only hurting myself, right?"

"I won't let that happen, babes.  You're safe with me.  I'll see ya tomorrow evenin'.  Get some sleep."  B.J. snapped his fingers and changed her clothes back to the purple, fuzzy pants and t-shirt as before.

"Goodnight, Beej.  Thanks for the pancakes and letting me see everyone for a few minutes."  Lydia threw her arms around his neck and he reflexively wrapped his arms around her to brace the weight.  So many times she flung herself into his arms and he shied away unsure how to react to such displays of warmth and kindness.  It took a while for him to finally grow used to someone actually caring about him.  Over a year of consistent friendship passed before he was comfortable with her random need for affection and protection.  Now, it was as natural as anything else and even wanted.

"Anytime, babes.  Goodnight.  Bad nightmares," he teased.

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice," Lydia chanted to send him home.  Green mist filled the room as he disappeared leaving just a green outline where he stood with that goofy smile of his.  'Drinking with Beetlejuice, huh?  I guess it could be fun if I don't end up carrying it too far.  It will sure make playing billiards difficult, but it will make BJ happy and he's really been good...  I think I can manage living through one night of debauchery with the big guy.'  As she laid her head on the pillow, the thoughts of spending time with B.J. in a more adult way that she was incapable of previously doing caused her heart to pound rapidly and her stomach to do flips.  "What's the deal with my nerves?  I almost feel like I'm back in high school and I'm about to go on a date.  It's starting to become ridiculous," she groaned turning over to go to sleep.

Meanwhile, Beetlejuice paced his living room floor anxiously.  "I'm a fool!-A jackass!  I don't stand a chance against that pretty-boy Victor Black.  I'm outta my league here!  Yeah, I'm the ghost with the most but he's a frickin' lawyer with perfect teeth and perfect hair and I'm just...  I'm just a-a schmuck who hasn't got a prayer in hell.  _Love_...  Tch!  I didn't even believe in it and I went and found it... and it's only gonna lead to more heartbreak and disappointment.  How fuckin' cliche...  Guess I'll make a trip out to see Vince tomorrow.  Hopefully his chef won't put me on the butcher block, heh!  Congrats, BJ.  Ya went and found yourself a fine kettle of fish.  It's a 'reel' mess and now ya gotta try and not screw up this oper-'tuna'-ty!  Ha!  I'm kraken myself up right now.  I gotta stop makin' fish puns just for the... halibut!  Haha!"  He stretched and scratched his stomach as he crawled into bed.  For the first time since Lydia left, he was eager to start a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know what casu marzu cheese is, I'm not telling. Look it up!... or don't... *shivers* Just know that B.J. would keep it in his refrigerator. Also, a lot of artists doing fan art, comics, etc seem to forget that Beetlejuice doesn't actually need the mirror to enter into the world of the living and that he can be summoned anywhere by anyone who knows his name. They also forget that he can use partial powers without being summoned and does frequently throughout the series. One artist who does a great job of not falling into this is addatheripper in her comic Cobwebs and Stripes. Lovely artist and her work is amazing. Just throwing that out there.  
> Song of inspiration:  
> "Let it go  
> Let it roll right off your shoulder  
> Don't you know  
> The hardest part is over  
> Let it in  
> Let your clarity define you  
> In the end  
> We will only just remember how it feels
> 
> Our lives are made  
> In these small hours  
> These little wonders  
> These twists & turns of fate  
> Time falls away  
> But these small hours  
> These small hours still remain
> 
> Let it slide  
> Let your troubles fall behind you  
> Let it shine  
> Until you feel it all around you  
> And I don't mind  
> If it's me you need to turn to  
> We'll get by  
> It's the heart that really matters in the end
> 
> Our lives are made  
> In these small hours  
> These little wonders  
> These twists & turns of fate  
> Time falls away  
> But these small hours  
> These small hours still remain
> 
> All of my regret  
> Will wash away some how  
> But I can not forget  
> The way I feel right now
> 
> In these small hours  
> These little wonders  
> These twists & turns of fate  
> These twists & turns of fate  
> Time falls away but these small hours  
> These small hours, still remain  
> Still remain  
> These little wonders  
> These twists & turns of fate  
> Time falls away  
> But these small hours  
> These little wonders still remain" -- Little Wonders - Rob Thomas (from Matchbox Twenty)


	6. A Friend Indeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia takes time to actually enjoy some of her vacation with Vick and her friends. Things get a little rocky as Vick's tries to contain his jealousy as the evening progresses. Lydia has a run-in with some trouble during a night out with her fiance and friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now, Beetlejuice is finally being honest with himself. But, when will he be honest with Lydia? How will he react to the predicament Lydia finds herself in? Let's see how the night turns out, shall we?

The morning sun peeked between the cracks of the flowing curtains shedding just enough light to inform Lydia morning had arrived.  Not a few moments later, she heard a knock at the door and beckoned the caller to enter.  "Come in!" she yawned still groggy from last night's visitor keeping her out later than she intended.  Without hesitation, Vick opened the door and latched it shut behind him.  The first thing she noticed was the pensive look he wore as he faced her directly.  His brows were furrowed and his mouth slightly pursed.  "Is something the matter, dear?" she asked in mild concern.  
  
In a stern voice that was out of the norm for Vick, he asked, "Where were you last night?"  He crossed his arms and stared her in the eyes.  
  
"I went out with BJ last night and we grabbed a bite to eat is all.  I left a note for you.  Didn't you see it on the mirror?"  
  
"You shouldn't have taken off like that without telling me first.  Not with _him_ anyway...  I didn't have a clue where you were or when you would be back."  
  
"I didn't want to wake you up while you were sleeping, especially not over pancakes.  Rest assured that no matter what we're doing, I'm safe in the Neitherworld.  Actually, I'm probably safer there than out here."  
  
"It's not just about that, Lyddi!  You snuck out like a-uh-a _teenager_ in the middle of the night with another guy, dead or not.  You left without any consideration for me.  You went out alone with him to an alternate dimension.  I thought since you are to be my wife sometime in the, hopefully, near future that you would be more... _wifely_."  
  
"Wifely?  I don't know what else you want from me.  It's not like I went out with some other guy.  I went out with BJ.  He's like my brother if I ever had one."  
  
Vick let out a little sigh and cupped both of his hands gently around Lydia's shoulders.  "Honey, I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say.  I'm going to be your husband.  You, as a wife, cannot just go gallivanting off like that.  At least, not without me and I can't just take off with a female friend of the same caliber.  Do you see what I mean?  What if I did the same thing and just left you a note?  How would that make you feel?"  
  
"But, you go off with your mom all the time without me..."  
  
"Lyddi, it's not the same thing."  
  
"How is it not the same thing?  Your mother is family and BJ is family.  I fail to see the difference."  
  
"The difference is that my mother actually is my blood family.  Your friend is nowhere related to you and he's extremely close to you in a way that makes me a little uncomfortable."  
  
"Don't you trust me then?"  Her tone grew more and more confused as the conversation went.  In her mind, she merely went out with someone she put on par with her father and failed to see the error in spending time alone with him.  
  
"Of course I trust you, honey!  It's not _you_ I don't trust."  
  
"It's BJ you don't trust?  Oh my gosh.  Trust me, Vick, BJ is the last person, alive or dead, that you have to worry about with me.  He might be a lecherous scoundrel but he would never-"  
  
"Lyddi..."  
  
"-ever, _EVER_ -"  
  
"Lydia, please..."  
  
"NEVER!  He would never do anything to hurt me and he never has.  If there is anyone in existence that I'm a thousand percent safe with, it would be BJ.  Why, I could be shit-faced drunk, black out from it, stripped to nothing, and do you know what he would do??  Do you have a clue?  He would put his jacket around me, put me to bed, cover me up, and stand watch outside my door all night to make sure no one came in.  Not even you would slip past him.  That's how much he respects me.  I might be the only damn one he respects, but it's true."  
  
"Lydia, please, listen!  You might think of him as family, but I highly doubt he's thinking of you in the same manner.  As a man myself, I know how other men think.  Honey, he-"  
  
"Yes, you know how men think and Beetlejuice is no exception.  I know he can be a sleazy perv, but only because he doesn't hold much regard for anyone else.  I am an exception to that.  He's a true friend to me and would never betray my trust.  Because of that, he would never betray your trust either due to the fact that you mean so much to me.  He respects the things I respect and I respect you.  If I didn't, I wouldn't have left a note and the address of where to find me.  Besides, it wasn't just us.  I was able to see most of my friends last night and found out that two of them are married with a baby!  Can you imagine how excited I was to reunite with my old friends and ride Doomie for a while?  I mean, you had the opportunity to do that _all day_!  I had two hours..."  
  
"Okay!  I'm sorry for coming in all grouchy.  I'm just a little insecure.  But, Lyddi, you need to understand that your obligation to me as a wife doesn't just end with the new friends you made back home.  It applies to your old ones as well.  And, the same goes for me!  It's not just you, trust me.  I mean, you two have known each other for a long time and to see how special you and you alone are to another guy is a little scary.  I wasn't expecting you to be as close to this guy as you are, and it all came out of nowhere.  Now, reverse that and put yourself in my shoes.  Could you possibly see why I worry?"  
  
"Vick, I'm not wearing his ring.  I'm wearing yours."  'Not anymore anyway because his ring is tucked away in a box on the low hanging shelf in my closet...'  Lydia shook her head a little.  'Where did that thought come from??'  "Alright, I-I understand your concerns.  From now on, I'll make sure to let you know when I'm leaving and where I'm going, but you're not going to be happy with me waking you up at two or three in the morning when he wants to grab a late night dinner.  I love you and I would never hurt you, but you need to relax a little and understand that I'm not going to stop spending time in the Neither with or without you.  I'm not going to quit seeing my other friends in the Neitherworld because you're uncomfortable with Beej.  That's not fair to them either.  Besides, all you have to do is chant the magic words if you want into the Neither.  It's not limited to me; I just so happened to have found it in Adam and Barbara's handbook.  I'm also not going to quit hanging out with BJ.  As a matter of fact, we're going out with him tonight and I'm inviting Bertha and Prudence as well.  BJ wants to play billiards at the pub in town and have some drinks with us.  See?  He wants to include you too, so what do you say?"  
  
"I say he would be more than willing to continue as planned if it were only you and him..."  
  
"He absolutely would.  I won't lie about that.  He's needy and jealous and well, he's used to spending time with just me.  A lot of the time it was just the two of us goofing off, watching movies, working on school projects, or whatever trouble we felt like getting into.  So, yes, we're perfectly comfortable being alone in each other's company."  
  
"And that doesn't strike you as weird?"  
  
Lydia paused and thought hard on this question.  She found the question itself odd since she hadn't thought of Beetlejuice as that kind of weird in such a long time.  However, the truth was she actually did think it strange in the beginning.  "It used to...," she answered earnestly, "but I grew accustomed to it.  I don't know... after a year his friendship just felt natural.  'Super'-natural!  Hahaha!"  
  
"Now he has you doing it too!  Geeze..." Vick groaned.  It was clear to him that he had lost the overall war but the claimed victory in the battle.  'At least she understands that it's disrespectful to take off the way she did...' the thought rolled in his head.  "Yeah, I'm coming with you tonight.  I just hope he doesn't end up in the bathroom singing praises to the porcelain gods.  I don't feel like babysitting tonight."  
  
"No need to fret about that.  He has to keep sober enough to cut _me_ off."  
  
"You're not drinking, are you?!  Seriously?!  You don't even drink wine with dinner!"  
  
"What's the harm?  We're on vacation after all.  Maybe it will get me fired up and we can have a little fun tonight."  Lydia changed the mood as she grabbed Vick's collar and pulled him close to her.  She wore a seductive grin as she stretched up to plant a sultry kiss on his lips.  "I could sneak you into the room, throw a blanket on the floor..."  
  
"Keep going," Vick grinned as he wrapped his arms around her and slid his hands down her back slowly.  
  
"We'll make out a little, maybe even talk dirty to you..."  Vick cut her off with a kiss as his hands continued down her back.  
  
"Oh gross!  I would say, 'get a room' but it seems as if ya already have one and it's not doin' ya any favors," came a low voice from the mirror.  
  
"Uuuggghhh!!!  Do you have anything better to do than to ruin my day?!" Vick groaned in exasperation.  
  
"Beetlejuice!  What the hell are you doing spying on me from the mirror!?!"  Lydia squealed.  
  
"Well, I heard ya call my name.  I came to check on ya and apparently walked into somethin' freaky since my name came up in this rather lewd conversation.  I haven't been this confused and excited since that time I was summoned between two hookers' asses starin' at a tiny black man whose face resembled that of a can-opener.  I didn't know what the fuck was goin' on, but they were chanting my name.  Then, as quickly as I was summoned, I was sent back."  
  
"Oh my God!  You are the worst!" Vick scoffed.  "If you don't mind, we're trying to have a private moment!"  While he fussed, Lydia was doing everything she could to stifle her laughter.  "I can't believe you're encouraging him!"  
  
"Not my fault.  I heard Lyds call me and I came runnin'.  I'm not gonna ignore her."  
  
"That's strange, BJ.  Since when can you sense only being called once?" Lydia questioned.  
  
"I'm not sure.  It started happening recently.  I can sense it the first time, hear it the second, and well, third time's a charm.  So, what's up, babes?"  
  
"Uh, we were just having a conversation about later tonight and that you wanted to chill with us in town.  I'm glad you came by.  I wanted to ask if you would invite Lana to come with.  She's pretty cool and I would like to hang out with her some."  
  
"I'll try, but it's hard to pry her away from work.  She's at Dante's almost every night.  Does this mean ya don't need me at the moment?"  
  
"No, Beej.  You're free to go back to bed if you like.  From now on, will you only come if I call you twice?  This way we can avoid any awkward situations.  I'll also be careful not to call you unless I actually need you."  
  
"Fair enough.  Carry on, I guess?  Catch ya later, babes."  In a flash, he disappeared from the mirror.  
  
"Stop-  Ugh.  I wish he'd stop calling you 'babe'.  You're my fiance," Vick continued his complaints.  
  
"It's just an endearment.  Come on.  I'm sure Mom has breakfast ready downstairs.  I smell something similar to what I'd find in the Neitherworld so it must be done."  Lydia crinkled her nose and led Vick downstairs.  After breakfast, she set to work right away helping Delia with invitations, catering reservations, picking out decorations, and organizing bouquet ideas for the tables and counter.  The day seemed relentless in the ceaseless toil of party organizing.  Once sufficiently drained of creative aspect, Delia finally set her daughter free.  Lydia almost felt as if her mom would hold her as an artistic prisoner for the entire night until she threw her hands up in exacerbation and called it quitting time.  
  
"Well, I suppose we're done for the day, Lydia-dear.  I haven't the least bit of tenacity to continue licking envelopes and comparing swatches.  I set you free for the night, my indentured servant."  
  
"Gee, thanks, Mom.  Servant, huh?" Lydia feigned offense as she began to clean up the mess.  
  
"Well, I'm certainly not paying you, haha!  So, Lydia-dear, do you have any plans for the night?"  
  
"Actually, Vick, Bertha, Prude, BJ, and I are going out for a few rounds of billiards in town."  
  
"You're going out to a tavern?!  But, you don't drink.  Why on Earth would you desire to visit such a rough establishment?"  
  
"It was BJ's pick.  Besides, I enjoy playing pool every now and then when Vick takes me."  
  
"Well, be safe and leave me the number in case I need to contact you.  Oh!  Speaking of 'Mr Beetleman' did you invite him to the Christmas party?  I need to know so I can brace myself."  
  
"I did.  He will be attending and I'm going to try and convince him into bringing Lana if that's alright?"  
  
"Who's Lana?"  Delia turned to Lydia with genuine interest.  
  
"She's a friend and such a lovely girl.  I think she's been good for him these past few years.  He says they're not together, but he never holds company for more than a few minutes tops unless it's me and he's been spending time with her since I've been gone.  I'm actually happy he has another friend besides me for once."  'Then why does the thought of it make my chest feel tight?'  
  
"If you like her, then she's welcome to come.  Just make sure he doesn't intend on turning my party into one of his traditional shebangs like he tends to do.  I can't imagine anyone _willing_ to hang around that weird ghost on their own accord, besides you of course.  Even then, I can't fathom why."  
  
"He understands me," Lydia told her with a smile and a shrug.  "Don't worry, Mom.  I already made him promise to behave."  
  
"That's not very reassuring.  Although, I must say he sure knows how to coordinate an amazing Halloween party.  They're simply to 'die' for!  Ahahaha!"  
  
" _Mother!_   That pun was neither necessary nor wanted," Lydia teased.  
  
"Well, I hope you have fun and be safe.  Don't leave your drink unattended, don't go to the bathroom alone, and don't make eye contact with any of the local bikers."  
  
"Haha!  Don't worry, Mom.  I'm never safer than when I'm with BJ.  He wouldn't let anyone hurt me in a million years and then some."  
  
"Hmm, true... but I'm still going to worry until you come home.  I can't help it; has something to do with being your parent.  And, I won't tell your father else I'll be forced to slip a Valium in his tea so he's not pacing the floors all night.  Go!-Go get ready!  Shoo!  Have a good time."  
  
"Thanks, Mom."  The first order of business was calling Bertha and Prudence to let them know when to meet her.  "Hey, Prudence!  It's Lydia.  ...  Yeah, we're still going out tonight.  Are you sure you're okay hitting the bar?  It's just for a few hours but if you're not comfortable then I understand.  ...  Okay!  ...  BJ is coming with us so we won't have anything to worry about.  He's the best body guard considering he lacks a physical body.  ...  Meet us there in about an hour.  Tell Bertha too!  ...  Alright, see ya there!"  The receiver clicked with aggression as she darted up the stairs to grab a quick shower and dress.  Halfway up, she ran right into Vick and nearly fell back when he caught her.  
  
"Whoa!  Where's the fire, Lyddi?" he asked in amusement.  
  
"We're meeting Bertha and Prude at the bar in an hour and I need to get ready.  You're not wearing _that_ , are you?"  She looked her fiance up and down with arched brows of skepticism.  
  
"What's wrong with my sweater-vest, plaid button-up, and khakis?  You love this sweater-vest."  
  
"We're going to a bar, honey.  Go back and change into a dark pair of pants and a plain sweater.  It's extremely cold out so find a thick coat too.  Go!"  Lydia prodded him up the stairs playfully as she made her way to her room to pick her evening attire.  After her shower she slid into a plum sweater-dress with black trim and black leggings.  She zipped her patent leather boots that reached her knees and checked the mirror to make sure her favorite purple eyeshadow and crimson lipstick was perfectly set.  Next, she tied a blush colored sash around her waist letting the tail hang just a little under the knot.  The realization hit her that the outfit was in resemblance of her favorite dress from high school.  It was remarkably close to the one she always wore when her and Beetlejuice were at their closest.  Something about this sudden awareness caused a nervous shiver to run up and down her spine.  As she gave herself a final look over, she took a deep breath and called, "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"  
  
In a puff of green smoke, he appeared in the middle of her room wrapped in his favorite brown coat and matching 'Guide' hat.  "Heheh!  I guess it's showtime, eh Lyds?  Holy shit!!" Beetlejuice exclaimed on seeing her dressed up for the first time.  The dress she wore accentuated her every curve with the cow neck hanging low enough for it to still cover her clavicle.  It took him a few seconds longer than it should to form words as he stood gawking in silence.  
  
"Is something the matter?  Does it look bad??"  
  
"No!-No!  You look fantastic!  I-uh, I think I left my oven on!  Send me back-send me back!"  
  
"Were you in the middle of cooking dinner??"  
  
"No, just finished eating, but send me back in case I forgot to turn it off!"  Lydia obliged sending him to the Neitherworld at his urgent request.  In the privacy of his home, B.J. walked a literal hole in his living room floor from pacing back and forth while ranting.  "Oh my God!!  Babes looks like a-a... total _babe!!_   Damn!  Wasn't expectin' that...  What's she tryin' to do to me anyway?!  What am I gonna do with me!?  I got it!  I'll switch things up a bit...  Not a big change, so it's sure to squeeze by ol' Prick-Vick."  He quickly tossed his favorite suit and undershirt onto the floor and fished his black suit with the white pinstripes out of his closet, adorned a purple tie to match Lydia's dress, gave his hair a quick comb through, and straightened his tie.  "Damn.  Since when do I care about lookin' nice??"  Reaching into his chest, he pulled out his black and red striped heart and yelled, "Knock it off!  I don't like groomin'!  It's almost as bad as bein' cl...cle... ugh...  _clean_.  Groomin' is the gateway to bathin'...  Yuck!  Love... it's the pits.  And, in my case, a 'pit fall'!"  Beetlejuice inhaled deeply and teleported back into Lydia's mirror with his eyes closed and a hand covering them this time.  "'Kay, babes!  I'm back!"  
  
"I see you didn't burn your house down since you took the time to change," she commented.  "Haha!  BJ, you don't have to cover your eyes.  It's just us in here at the moment."  
  
"Phew.  Well?  Whaddya think?  Like the new threads, babes?"  
  
"I think it 'suits' you just fine.  But, why did you change?  There was nothing wrong with your other one and you'll need to cover up anyway or people might notice that you're not one of them."  
  
"Didn't wanna be 'tied' down to one fashion choice, babes.  There's a big chance someone might... 'jacket'!  Ahahaha!!"  
  
"Believe me, Beej, the last thing you have to worry about is someone stealing your sense of style... or should I say lack thereof?"  Lydia giggled while Beetlejuice lowered his eyelids into a glare and turned down the corners of his mouth.  
  
"Just get me outta here..."  She called him out of the mirror one more time causing the green smoke to fill her room again.  "Ahem!" he cleared his throat to feign a proper dialect.  "I must say, dear Lydia, that you look absolutely stunning tonight.  Why??"  His voice turned back to normal on the last part.  
  
"I enjoy dressing up when I go out.  I used to do this even when we had our movie nights and stayed in.  Don't you remember?"  He most certainly did remember.  Her idea of "dressing up" then was to put on a black skirt and a some top that would hang loose on her body enough to be considered comfortable.  This was most definitely not that.  This was something different altogether and B.J. was loving and hating it all at once.  It would just happen to be an appropriate time for someone to knock on her bedroom door.  Lydia opened it immediately and found Vick on the other side dressed in a loose fitting pair of dark denim jeans with a faded wash and a black and grey striped sweater.  "Much better!  BJ just arrived so I think we're ready to go!"  
  
"Oh, Lyddi!  You look beautiful!  Is that the dress Mom bought you for your birthday?  It looks amazing on you!" Vick doted kissing her cheek.  "So, who's driving?"  
  
"I figured it would be easier if BJ took us with his magic.  It beats driving and we don't run the risk of being late."  
  
"Ugh.  I'd rather walk...  Something about his teleportation is unsettling to say the least.  Why don't I drive us?"  
  
"We have to pay for every mile and tank of gas put on the rental.  This will save us in the end and BJ doesn't mind.  Right, Beej?"  
  
"Not at all, but if he's not comfortable with it then I can always bring Doomster.  This way you're not spendin' extra and we can be there in no time since he can fly and all.  Oh, wait...  I can't...  Dooms has a date with Pinky tonight.  Woops!  Forgot.  Oh, I'll just take us there.  It'll be over and done with before ya know it!"  Beetlejuice slid between them, draped his arms over both of their shoulders, and had them at the door of the pub in one fluid motion.  "See?!  No time."  
  
"I don't think there's a way to get used to that..." Vick's timbre wobbled as he tried to balance himself.  Before them stood the doors of the only club in the whole town; a little shanty bar with all walks of life coming and going throughout most nights.  The music was predictably loud and gruff compared to what Lydia typically listened to.  Not that she disliked rock and roll, but was more of an easy listener in comparison.  It was only a minute or two before Bertha and Prudence rolled into a parking space and met them at the door.  Beetlejuice held it open playing the gentleman and motioned for the women to enter first.  Vick lingered behind and gestured his company to proceed giving a sly chuckle as he did so.  "Age before beauty when it comes to men, good sir."  
  
"My sentiments exactly," B.J. replied as his eyebrows bounced.  Vick rolled his eyes and continued through the door.  'One point for me,' he thought as he let the door swing shut behind him.  Inside, the quaint establishment comfortably held nearly half of the Peaceful Pines population along with three billiard tables, a bar, a jukebox, several little tables, and a couple of corner booths.  Lydia had never been inside in all the years she lived there and could see why once she made her way in.  A greasy feel saturated the air as kitchen staff pumped out cheese fries, potato skins, and bacon burgers by the basket.  The irrepressible aroma of cigars and liquor mingled together filling their nostrils in a very unpleasant way for everyone except B.J.  Peanut and walnut shells littered the floor causing every step to be followed by a distinct crunching sound.  Beetlejuice inhaled and released a sigh expressing his satisfaction.  Vick had already visited the place once and knew what to expect while Lydia felt it was comparable to many areas of the Neitherworld.  Bertha and Prudence were not impressed.  
  
"Are we really about to spend an evening in here?" Prudence spoke in Lydia's ear as quietly as the music would allow.  
  
"I agree.  This isn't one of your normal areas of interest, Lydia," Bertha second her friend's sentiment.  
  
"I told you it was BJ's pick tonight.  We're just here to play a few rounds of pool and listen to music.  Give it a chance, girls!  You might have fun!" Lydia reassured them.  
  
"Look, babes!  An open table!" Beetlejuice shouted with giddy as he grabbed Lydia's wrist dragging her with him to claim the billiard table.  Something fluttered inside her chest at the whimsical touch of his hand and his tone.  It all elicited a cheery smile from her.  "Mwahahaha!  Now ya get to see me in action!  I'm gonna teach ya how a professional shoots a game of pool!"  The others followed in mild reserve.  They were a bit concerned with the other company around them.  
  
'He needs to stop calling my woman "babe",' Vick growled in his mind's voice as he approached the green felt covered table.  
  
Lydia placed the quarters in the slot on the side to reserve it while Beetlejuice grabbed two beers, three shots of tequila, three lime wedges, and something in a bright pink hue she couldn't make out.  "Alriiiight!  Let the party begin!  A beer and a shot for Vick, a beer and a shot for me, a shot for Burp and Prune, and a daiquiri for Lyds.  Told ya I'd start ya off easy," he assured her with a little wink passing her the frozen concoction.  
  
"N-No thanks, BJ.  We're not ones for d-drinking," Prudence declined the offering.  
  
"Oh, live a little, Prudence.  One drink never killed anyone," Bertha encouraged her friend and accepted the drink.  
  
"Eh, no harm no foul... except my odor that is.  I'll take it if she doesn't want it," Beetlejuice shrugged knocking one drink back.  
  
"I'm not so sure I want mine either," Vick expressed a look of hesitation as he stared into the clear liquor.  He clearly wasn't over the first night he visited the bar.  
  
"Fine, be a spoiled sport.  Lyds, ya want it?  You _are_ my drinking buddy tonight."  
  
"I'll pass until this monstrosity is gone.  Thanks anyway, Beej," Lydia turned him down.  
  
"Tsk, tsk!  We're not gonna get anywhere with that attitude."  She gave him a sassy eye roll but took the shot from his hand anyway.  
  
"Alright, dear odious one, teach me the ways of shooting in both pool and drinking."  Vick rolled his eyes next while he put the balls in the triangle rack and prepped the game.  
  
"Now you're talkin', babes!  First, have your chaser ready if ya want.  Mine's a beer and a salted lime wedge!  Next, depress your tongue to the bottom of your mouth, and force the liquid down the food tube.  Then, ya suck on the salted wedge until the salt's gone.  On three!  One... two..."  Down his glass of alcohol went in a single gulp demonstrating how to perform the shot properly, but Lydia just stared at hers with a pensive look.  "What's the matter, Lyds?" he asked making a face over the sour lime.  
  
"This is going to burn, isn't it?"  
  
"Not like rotgut.  Higher quality alcohols don't burn as much spite bein' more potent.  Plus the more ya drink, the less ya feel it.  Go ahead, give it a 'shot'.  Heh!"  Lydia giggled and turned to Bertha holding out her tiny glass to her.  
  
"Cheers!"  The crystallic sound of glass clinking together rang out as they followed their friend's steps and swallowed the liquor.  Both started hacking instantly as they popped the citrus chaser into their mouths.  "Ugh!  Beej!  How can you drink this stuff all the time?!"  
  
"Ya get used to it.  That's why I suggested havin' another chaser ready.  Who's turn is it at the table, Vicky-boy?  You broke already, right?"  
  
"Yes, and it's still my turn.  I sunk one.  I'm solids, so I suppose that makes you stripes," Vick replied lining up his next shot.  
  
"Heh, stripes eh?  Fine by me."  They all watched patiently as Vick knocked another ball into a pocket.  "Not bad, kid.  You got skill, I'll give ya that."  
  
"Thanks.  I've been playing for quite a while.  I even taught Lyddi how to play on some of our first dates."  A confident air overtook him until he missed his third shot.  With a little grumble, he stepped back and relinquished the table to his opponent.  The girls watched intensely at the boys going back and forth in their respective turns.  Lydia was proud of B.J. for not cheating so far.  For once, he was playing straight without needing to be chastised.  Was he doing this for her as well?  Or did he desire a challenge once he saw Victor had skill?  Either way, it didn't really matter to her as long as he played nice.  She couldn't help but appreciate the effort Victor was putting in throughout the night as well.  If B.J. took a mouthy jab, he simply gave it right back with one of his own.  The game eventually switched and all agreed the next challenger played the winner of the match.  Lydia was still sipping on her daiquiri so she passed her turn on to Bertha who was going head to head with Beetlejuice.  
  
"Ya might say I'm the 'Victor' tonight."  Vick let out an irritated moan and left to grab another couple of beers and a two more shots at the winner's request.  Bertha's form was on spot but her aim left a lot to be desired.  B.J. and Vick did their best to hold their laughter, Vick successfully more so than Beetlejuice, when she caused the cue ball to bounce off the table.  Those two were definitely the more formidable players in this group so far and Lydia knew she would have a difficult time besting either.  Next up was Prudence who proved herself to be quite the challenge with her exceptional mathematical skills and precise calculations of angles and projection.  Taking the upper hand, she became the incumbent of the night's challenge and Lydia was next.  "You can take her, babes.  But before ya do, one shot?" Beetlejuice offered up another small glass accompanied with a bottle of soda once he sat down on the bench next to her.  "I even brought ya another chaser.  No alcohol in this one but it's still 'soda'-licious.  Heheh!"  
  
"Ha!  Sure, one more and I'm done.  Everyone in the room is starting to move in slow motion and my tongue is numb.  Hey, Beej, I'm proud of you tonight.  You both are actually doing a fantastic job tolerating each other.  That sounds awful but I know you have a short fuse sometimes and I'm glad to be out with everyone not worrying about a scene.  Thank you."  
  
"Am I really that big of a walkin' 'disasterpiece', Lyds?"  
  
"As if you were painted by Vincent Van Ghoul himself!  You're too much sometimes!" she laughed throwing the shot down the back of her throat and wiping the excess from corner of her mouth.  "But, even when you're too much, sometimes I can't get enough... just depends."  Uh-oh, drunk talk was coming.  Maybe Lydia was a bigger light-weight than he had given her credit for.  He just smiled and wrapped an arm over her and squeazed before shoving her off to her match.  
  
Vick quickly took her spot downing his third beer while B.J. had his fourth shot.  Beetlejuice was only looking for a place between tipsy and drunk, not wasted, and therefore paced himself all night.  "Dude," Vick whispered as softly as he could with the blaring music, "for the love of God, stop calling my wife 'babe'.  She's _my_ woman."  
  
Beetlejuice arched a single brow in the midst of downing his third beer.  Without even looking at him, he told Vick, "She's not your wife yet, bub.  She was my babes first and will always be no matter what anyone says.  That's a guarantee.  Take it or leave it, that's my pet name for her and it ain't gonna change."  Vick fumed as he regulated his breathing to calm himself.  The last thing he wanted was to make a scene in a bar and incite a bar fight.  After a few minutes Beetlejuice hopped up from the bench and said, "Whelp, poor Lyds lost.  Looks like I'm up against Prune again.  Be a pal and hold this?  Thanks."  Without another word, he nonchalantly handed Vick his half empty bottle and took up a cue.  Lydia nearly fell back into Vick's lap giggling at how awful she was at pool.  
  
"I need more practice apparently.  Hey, babe, can I have a few quarters for the jukebox?!  I wanna dance with ya!" she asked throwing her arms around his neck.  
  
'Oh lord!  She's starting to sound like him!'  "Yeah, here, go pick yourself a few songs, honey."  She pressed a drunk kiss on his lips before sliding off and marching up to the jukebox.  A few deafening moments of quiet chat filled the room until the beat of "I Love Rock 'N Roll" boomed over the speakers.  A sultry pout spread across Lydia's face as she beckoned Vick to the middle of the floor where few others were previously dancing to whatever tune emerged from the speakers.  B.J. even started tapping his foot until he caught a glimpse of them dancing completely separated from the rest of the group.  He was caught entirely off guard as his mouth gaped slightly.  She had been doing this quite a bit to him recently.  He never dreamed she was capable of swinging her hips and swaying the way she did as they danced together in the low light.  They were so close together on the floor he thought they could be mistaken as a single person if not for the height difference.  Swiftly, he turned his attention back to the eight-ball he was about to sink and take the game back.  However, in his distraction he miscalculated and the ball fell short of the pocket.  
  
"Looks like ya bested me again, Prudie!" he congratulated her.  
  
"Hey!  You actually called me Prude instead of Prune!" she said jubilantly.  
  
"Yeah, guess I'm further gone than I thought.  Heh.  I think I need to sit and have another drink..."  He caught a server carrying around a tray and grabbed three shots of tequila.  
  
Bertha and Prudence picked up on the subtle change in his demeanor and sandwiched him on the bench.  "What gives?  I thought you were trying not to get drunk tonight?" Bertha questioned his motives stealing one of the shots for herself.  
  
"I wasn't...  I _did_ promise Lyds I wouldn't...  But I'm already here, so what the hell?  Right?"  
  
"No.  Something is wrong and we know it.  We've known you long enough to tell when something is off, and we hope you can trust us enough to tell us," Prudence insisted taking another shot from him and handing it to Bertha.  
  
He arched his eyebrow at the petite red-head as she passed his drink over.  These two really hadn't changed all that much over the few years he'd been gone.  Prudence was still a tiny thing with bobbed red hair but he just noticed that she wasn't wearing her glasses.  That's right!  Lydia had mentioned in one of their recent conversations that she started wearing contacts.  He looked back to Bertha with the same expression and saw her teeth were in alignment.  Oh yeah!  Lydia also told him Bertha had reconstruction done to fix her overbite.  It didn't help that schnauze of hers though.  He leaned back, sighed heavily, and drank his fifth shot before they had a chance to take _it_ as well.  "Here's the thing.  I too have known ya gals long enough to know that whatever I say will go in one ear and straight into Lydia's, so thanks but no thanks."  
  
Both girls turned their bodies to face him with crossed arms.  "Just because Lydia is one of our best friends doesn't mean you're not a friend too.  Yeah, sure, you made things complicated growing up but you also made our lives interesting.  We had some great times together and you've always been supportive of us.  Albeit a little unorthodox in your methods, but you never abandoned us.  So, spill it, mister," Bertha demanded.  
  
"You're not gonna like what I have to say..." he continued to stare forlornly at the couple smashed together swaying to the drums and screaming guitar.  "Lyds is my best friend, right?  Well, since she's been back it's like everything about her is different but in a _good_ way.  She's grown up and she's still my Lydia... except she's not...  She's..."  
  
"Oh my gosh!!  BJ, you're not!  Tell us you're not!" they squealed.  
  
"Not what?" he asked scowling in annoyance at the two and their theatrics.  
  
"You're actually in love with Lydia, aren't you?" Prudence finished Bertha's thoughts.  Beetlejuice didn't confirm nor deny the accusation.  He merely sighed and reached for a bottle only to find it empty.  "You are in love with Lydia!  It's written all over your face!  Have you told her yet?"  
  
"Are ya nuts!?  Like I have a chance with Lyds.  Not only is she with Mr. Prince Charmin' but I'm way too proud to go to her on bended knee.  Nah, she'd never see me as anything more than her repulsive and awesome best friend."  
  
"Lydia deserves to know how you feel.  After everything you two have been through together, she deserves to know how much you actually care about her even if she doesn't feel the same.  The other side of that coin is the chance that she does but she's settling because she doesn't think _you_ would requite her feelings!  You should consider telling her how much you love her."  
  
"Prudence is right.  You and Lydia have a history unlike any other.  You never know.  She might just be waiting for you to say something."  
  
"I appreciate the vote of confidence, but she's in love with that prick.  She's gonna marry him and live happily ever after and I have no right to interfere with that."  
  
"That doesn't sound like you at all.  Meddling in other people's affair is, like, your thing.  It's one of your favorite things," Bertha commented.  
  
"Oh yes!  You're right about that, but I want to make Lyds happy.  I'm also terrified of pushin' her outta my life again and I couldn't live with myself if I succeeded.  For once, I'm concerned with someone else's happiness over my own and I'm not sure how to handle that.  I've been lookin' out for numero uno for nearly seven hundred years without a second thought for anyone else until she came to turn that right side up.  Now, she's with another man and I'm left out in the 'mold', hung up to 'fry', straight outta 'muck', all in with no hand to play."  His hands departed from him as he completed the last expression.  
  
"Don't talk like that.  Until you tell her, you don't know that for sure," Prudence tried to cheer him up while placing his hands back on his forearms.  "I know!  W-We'll help!  We can distract Vick while you steal Lydia away from the crowd at Delia's Christmas party.  Tell her then, this way she can't cause an uproar until everyone leaves giving her time to dwell on it."  
  
"That's a good idea, Prudence!  I am more than happy to help too!  Wow, what a weird love triangle!  When Lydia does something, she makes it as strange as she can..." stated Bertha.  B.J. grinned at the overall truth of the statement.  She always had knack for the all out weird and peculiar and their relationship was no different.  
  
Once the song came to its end, he hatched an idea.  One of Lydia's favorite things was indeed dancing and he wanted to pull her away from Vick even for a moment to have his own time with her.  The next song fired up and out came the melodic guitar rift to "Sweet Child O' Mine" much to his surprise.  "I didn't think you liked Guns 'N Roses!" Beetlejuice exclaimed meeting Lydia halfway to the table cutting her off from Vick.  
  
"I like t _his_ song," Lydia shrugged.  
  
"Here!  Take this and dance with me!"  He passed her a shot glass and took her hand leading her back to the middle of the floor.  Normally, their dances consisted of Salsa, Calypso, or them messing around being silly but this was his chance to have a more intimate moment and show his gentler side laying dormant.  Lydia knocked back the drink and rested the empty glass on the bar table in passing.  B.J. took the lead resting his hand on the lower middle of her back and holding her hand out formally.  He was careful to leave space between them so it seemed innocent enough while deep down he longed to hold her closer like she and Vick were a few minutes ago.  
  
"So, whazz on yer mind, Beej?"  Great, she was slurring already.  
  
"Sounds like you've had enough tonight, babes.  I may have let ya drink a little too much.  Can ya feel your face?"  He reached with his leading hand and rubbed her cheek using his thumb.  
  
"I feel how cold ya are... but no touch...  Is that bad?"  
  
"Nah.  Just means ya need to stop.  Told ya I'd look out for ya!"  He gave her a cheeky smile in pride of how good a friend he was proving himself to be tonight.  "So, ya havin' a good time?  Is this what ya expect of me?"  
  
"Beej, da only thing I ever 'xpect of ya is ta behave when is appropriut... an' ta be supportive uh me.  I like you for you-no...  I _love_ ya because you's the greatest!-the ghostest with da mostest!-the best friend I ever had!  Sorry, Imma little drunk.  But, I'm havin' fun 'cause you're bein' you and still behavin'.  See, ya can do it."  
  
Beetlejuice gave her a little chuckle before whispering, "Lyds, babe, you're drunk.  I think it's about time I take ya home.  We've been here for a couple of hours now and I'm sure your tab is through the roof.  Oh!  Real quick though!  Three vampires walk into a bar.  One vampire orders a pint of blood and the second says he'll have the same.  The third then orders a pint of plasma and the bartender says, 'So that will be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"  
  
"Pffft!!  Bee Jay!  Oh gosh!  That's great!"  Lydia dropped her head onto his shoulder in a fit of laughter.  This closed the distance between them as they continued to slowly rotate to the music.  He clasped his free hand over the one already resting across her back and held her close laughing with her.  "I gots one!  Past and Present walked into a bar.  It was two tense!"  
  
"Good god, Lyds!  I taught ya well I suppose."  He pondered on whether he should use his next joke or not.  With lowered inhibitions, he chose to go for it in hopes she wouldn't remember in the morning.  "Hey, know what else is 'in tents'?  ...  Fuckin' in the woods."  
  
"Beetlejuice!  Bwahahahaha!!  Oh gosh!!  Sorry, Beej, I don't mean ta stop the dance, but I gots ta go to da bathroom.  Ya made me laugh so hard I nearly peed!  Sorry, I'll give ya another dance when I get back."  
  
"No worries, babes.  I got nothin' but time."  He let her go and stepped back to the bench where Vick was helping Bertha develop her technique.  
  
"Where's Lyddi?" he asked in confusion.  
  
"She had to make a pit stop, if ya catch my 'drift'.  Heh!"  Vick growled and inhaled deep.  The puns were becoming too much for him to bare.  He continued ignoring the tiresome puns by refocusing on his demonstrations for Bertha.  
  
In the meantime, Lydia was finishing up in the bathroom when she heard the door swing open.  Not giving it a second thought, she stepped out to find a burly man who looked to be on the exit of his middle-age years.  Her heart sank into her feet acting as an anchor to keep her frozen in place.  She tried to make herself sound fierce and demanding but only managed to speak as trepidation strangled it all out of her.  "Wh-What are ya do-doin' in the ladies' r-r-room?" she choked.  
  
The man had a sinister grin painted across his face and a dead look in his eye as he spoke, "Saw ya dancin' with all those other fellas and thought maybe the little lady would like to share a 'dance' with a real man.  Whaddya say, sweetheart?"  He reeked of whiskey and cigars even worse than Beetlejuice when they first arrived.  She tried to back up into a stall and lock it but the man forced her against the wall pulling a knife.  "Now, now... don't do anything rash or we might have a little accident."  
  
Quickly, she thought on her next move.  This wasn't a situation she had ever had the misfortune of finding herself in.  If only she had listened to Delia and not went to the bathroom alone!  But what to do?  This pungent man was greasy just like the bar and reeked in a way that made her actually miss B.J.'s weird odors.  'That's it!'  She thought as the man's free hand started to wander up her thigh.  Normally, Lydia would have fought back.  She never really needed anyone to rescue her from her predicaments except she was far too gone from the alcohol to put up any kind of fight and he had a weapon to top it all.  Had she not been cornered, she could have easily gained distance from the knife.  No, the man had her on all angles so she did the only thing she could think to do.  "Beetlejuice-" she whispered.  
  
The man hastily moved his hand from her leg to her mouth and snarled, "Either keep that pretty mouth of yours quiet or I'll shut it up."  He pressed the blade to her throat to imply how serious his threat was.  
  
Back at the pool table, Beetlejuice's every muscle suddenly stiffened.  His hackles were on end and everyone could see his instantaneous change.  "What's up?" Vick questioned nervously.  
  
"Lyds has been in the bathroom too long," he said in a low rumble.  
  
"Don't be a helicopter, BJ.  She's probably just fixing her makeup."  
  
B.J. shook his head in protest saying, "Somethin' isn't right - I can feel it.  Go check on her, _now_."  
  
"We can go find her," Prudence spoke up.  
  
"No!  It's dangerous.  Vick, _go get her_."  His eyes had a bright green glow as he turned to the women's bathroom.  
  
Vick gave him a curious look and asked skeptically, "Why aren't _you_ rushing off to get her if you think she's in real danger?  No, you're going to let me walk in there and then have management kick me out for entering the ladies' bathroom.  I'm not dumb enough to fall for it."  
  
"It's not like that!  You're her fiance, remember?  If you insist on taking too long, then I _will_ intervene.  NOW GO!"  Vick went to leave before he was pulled back by the upset ghost.  "Take this with ya."  He placed a beer bottle in Vick's hand and shoved him off.  Vick swiftly marched to the other side of the bar where the restroom facilities were and discreetly entered the girls' bathroom.  As he peeked around the corner, he nearly dropped the empty bottle.  Beetlejuice had been correct in his suspicions much to Vick's surprise.  He was seething mad on seeing Lydia pinned against the wall with a knife to her throat while some drunk pervert licked on her neck and ear.  He rounded the corner, red faced, and held a finger to his mouth signaling her to remain quiet.  On tiptoes, he crept up behind the guy and bashed the beer bottle over his head like he had seen so many times in movies.  Only, the burly man didn't go down.  Instead, he turned to face his assailant with rage in his glazed eyes but wobbled backwards and fell right into one of the stalls.  Vick took the opportunity to grab Lydia and take her back to the rest of the party.  
  
"Oh my God!!  Thank you, Vick!  You saved me!  Oh my-" she threw her arms around him and started to sob.  "I'm so sorry - I tried to call for help but his hand suffocated my mouth and-"  
  
"Shh, shh!  It's okay, Lyddi!  It's okay.  I'm here now.  Don't worry.  I'm just glad B.J. gave me the heads up!  If he hadn't said anything, then I never would have even known...  I'm the one who should be sorry because I thought he was only trying to play a prank at first.  Honey, calm down.  Everything's okay," Vick reassured her as they rejoined the others.  
  
"Babes, are you okay!?  What the hell happened?!" Beetlejuice exclaimed seeing the terrified look on her face and the mascara bleeding down her cheeks.  
  
She broke away from Vick and threw her arms around him still crying.  "Thank you, Beej!  Thank you for telling Vick to come for me!!  There was a guy-and he-he was in the bathroom-and-"  
  
"Calm down, babes.  Breathe.  One thought at a time, 'kay?  Now, what happened?"  
  
"Nothing really, except he would have-he was gonna-" she busted into tears and buried her face into B.J.'s coat.  
  
"What the hell do you mean 'nothing'?!  He pulled a knife on you and pinned you against the wall!" Vick cried in outrage.  
  
"I know!  It's over and I just don't want to think about it right now..."  Lydia clung to Beetlejuice as she sobbed.  As Vick left to seek aid, Lydia recounted what happened to through sniffles and hiccups.  She continued clinging to B.J., but even in her intoxicated and frenzied state, she secretly hoped he couldn't feel her heart pounding out of control through the other layers of clothes.  
  
Her fear was realized when he spoke, "It's alright, Lyds.  Calm down.  I'm gonna take care of this asshole, 'kay babes?"  He had both arms locked tight around her and his head resting on top of hers as he gritted his teeth to hold back the rage for her sake.  
  
"Stop!" Vick barked returning to their spot.  "Stop calling my fiance 'babes'!  I've been asking and I'm not going ask again.  It's disrespectful and I don't appreciate it.  I feel I've been far more tolerant of him invading your personal space than any man in my position should be.  With all that's happened tonight, I've had enough."  
  
Beetlejuice went to speak but was halted by Lydia saying, "Zip it, Beetlejuice."  The classic zipper closed his mouth shut while she marched over to Vick and looked him straight in the eye with a hard scowl.  "Now, you listen and listen well, Victor Black.  I don't need this after what almost happened in the bathroom!  That man in the bathroom almost...  I was nearly-ugh!  And you're concerned with a pet name?!  BJ has called me babes since the day we met and it's not gonna change.  But that's not what's even important right now!"  
  
"Get 'im, babes!  There are far more important things to contend with at the moment," B.J. taunted.  
  
"And you!  Quit antagonizing him!  Can't you see it only makes things worse?  Seriously, you two are acting like children over these petty, ridiculous nuances!  Even if you two can't stand each other and will never be friends, can't you just despise each other in silence and not fight?  Not right now... please..."  She began tearing up again with the alcohol going to her head.  
  
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, babes.  I'm sorry.  You're right.  Look, Lyds, this is me swallowin' my ego for a moment and sayin' I'm sorry for upsettin' ya.  C'mere!  No more water works, please.  I can't stand to see the water works."  He was sincere in his words as a little panic rose in his chest.  He truly hated to see Lydia cry.  Both arms immediately wrapped around her once more as she leaned against his chest.  
  
"Seriously?!" Vick cried out in disbelief.  B.J. cut off his next words with two glowing eyes and a chilling glare that dared him to open his mouth again.  
  
"I'm an ass, okay?  I'm the south end of a northbound goat.  I'm real good at 'lousing' things up, babes.  It makes everything more delicious that way.  Now, tell me who did this and where he is."  
  
"No, Beej.  You're just gonna cause trouble like you always do."  
  
"Damn right!  I'm gonna juice the bastard real good.  No one threatens you especially not with me around."  
  
"No, you're not going to juice anyone tonight.  All I want to do is go home and forget about this.  Bertha, Prudence, I'm sorry I ruined the night.  I shouldn't have went into a bathroom alone in dark bar full of intoxicated men.  I should have used better judgement."  
  
"Don't say that!" all four of them fussed in unison.  
  
"You didn't do anything wrong and I had the manager on duty contact the police right away," Vick continued.  
  
"Won't be anything left to pick up when I'm done," Beetlejuice growled.  
  
"No, I agree with Lyddi.  We should let the proper authorities handle this."  
  
"I'm the only authority needed.  I might only have a license to get under people's skin, but it can be taken as literal as I want."  
  
"Both of you, stop!  Stop arguing.  I can't deal with this right now!  Please, both of you, stop..." she teared up again still tucked under her phantom friend's arms.  
  
"Alright!  I'll stop agging him on if ya stop cryin', please?  The sound is absolutely 'tear'-able!  Didn't mean for ya to have this type of 'bawl' tonight.  Although, I like the nice additional stains to my coat.  'Snot' bad, 'snot' bad at all!"  
  
"Ew, Beej!  Why do you have to be such a goofball?" Lydia smiled through her watery eyes and wiped them with the back of her hand causing her makeup to smear even more.  
  
"That's better!  I thought I was gonna need my dandy handy man tools for a minute.  Break out the old 'monkey' wrench and 'ham'-mer for that leak ya sprang, ya know?"  Lydia chuckled a little bit and dried her eyes.  Vick watched in pure astonishment at how fast he was able to make her go from sobbing to smiling in no time.  
  
"Guys, I think you two should go home.  It's already late and I'll need to give the police a statement," Lydia spoke as she struggled to sound a little more sober than she actually was.  
  
"I was about to drive Bertha home, but we don't want to leave you like this," Prudence offered.

"It's okay, I swear.  You two go home and rest.  I'll clean my own mess up."  
  
"If you insist, Lydia.  I did have fun, though.  Thank you for inviting us to come along.  Maybe next time we'll do mini golf or catch a movie," Prudence whispered as she bid everyone farewell.  
  
"Yeah!  All things considered, I had a great time!  We should do this again before you and Prude leave," Bertha agreed.  "BJ, it was good to see you again...  I think...  Later guys!"  Lydia and Vick walked the girls to the car for safety yet Beetlejuice lagged behind until they were out the door.  This gave him the chance to clear up the tab and other business without any push from Lydia over it.  Ultimately, it was he who ran up the bill and she paid for every game of pool throughout the night plus the songs on the jukebox she didn't even have a chance to enjoy.  Normally, he would have stuck his host with the bill no problem, just not Lydia.  He could have swindled it out of anyone but her.  Plus he had a bone to pick with the unconscious man in the girl's restroom, preferably one from the guy's own body.  Once he cleared the bill, he turned invisible and entered the latrine.  Security had it roped off for the police which made it all the easier for Beetlejuice to do his stuff.  He stirred the man from his slumber, pulled a cigarette and lighter from the guy's pocket, lit it, and proceeded to lift him out of the floor.  
  
"Wha... what the...?  'Ey!  Those are mine!" the stranger mumbled as he clumsily staggered towards the only other person in the stalls.  
  
"Save it, meatbag.  Do ya hear that?  It's the sound of no one givin' a fuck."  
  
"Oh...woah...  I'm gonna have fun with you two fanboys."  
  
"Fanboy-ees??"  
  
"Yeah, the two of ya are dressed like 'Batman's' Joker, right?"  
  
"Not this shit again...  Damn Jack Nicholson... always stealin' my lime light.  I was here first, damnit.  Sorry, pal, it's just the one me and, believe me, I ain't jokin' around.  Nah, I'm you're worst nightmare."  The man charged and took a clumsy swing at B.J. only to pass right through him.  "Ya see, chum, you made a very crucial mistake earlier.  You, my tubby friend, threatened my favorite mortal and that's unacceptable.  So now-"  The man reared his fist back to swing again and fazed right through.  
  
"Hold still and fight me like a man, fuckin' bastard!"  
  
"Well, that's kinda difficult seein' as how I'm not really a man, not anymore at least, and apparently _neither are you_.  Ya see, I'm a bit of a demon these days and a real nasty one at that.  Ya fucked up when ya tried to hurt that little lady in the purple dress earlier.  Her fiance left ya with one doozy of a headache for tomorrow, but me?  I have somethin' different in mind."  With a toothy grin, Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and the lights went black.  The broad man bolted for the door only to find it locked.  He was trapped inside with a furious poltergeist.  
  
"What the fuck is goin' on?!  What is this?!" the stranger demanded.  
  
"This, pal, is your worst nightmare come to life.  Thing is, I have a ragin' boner for revenge and your about to get fucked hard."  Furiously, the man yanked on the door screaming as one light flickered off and on revealing Beetlejuice's face transforming into the face of an enraged spirit.  B.J.'s teeth grew sharp, his eyes cast a sickly green hue, his finger nails became claws, and his tong became snake like as it coiled around the man's throat.  "I'm so hungry," he hissed in a sinister voice.  "I haven't eaten a soul in centuries...  Maybe it's that time...  And you smell delicious."  He dragged the stranger kicking and screaming bloody murder towards his face as he elongated it into something twisted with rows upon rows of jagged teeth.  He ignored the pleas and whimpers for release as he chomped his wide jaws closed on the man's head.  But, before he made contact, the lights came back on and the guy was unharmed but left shaking and crying like a little child.  He sat up in hysteria and tried to open the door again to no avail.  It still wouldn't budge.  "Oh hey, amigo.  Looks like ya had one gruesome nightmare."  Beetlejuice stood in the exact same spot as he exhaled a gust of smoke in the man's face.  "I'm tellin' ya, though.  The next time you decide to try and hurt another dame, believe me when I say I'll be there and it won't just be a bad dream.  Capiche?  Good!  Smell ya later, bozo."  With a flick of his wrist, the cigarette landed in one of the toilets and he strolled out the door with both hands in his pockets humming, "Dum-de-scum-dum..."  'Damn, Lydia's made me soft.  There was a time I would have offed that guy without hesitation.  But, she's worth every bit of restraint...' he groused to himself stepping outside to join the rest of the party.  "Ya ready for me to take ya home, Lyds?"  
  
"Yes, please!" she beamed at him with rosy cheeks and frosted lips as the snow collected on her long eyelashes and loose tendrils of pitch hair.  She was a sight bundled up in her purple faux fur-lined coat dusted in snow.  He was quite surprised to see it still fit, but he'd be lying if he said she wasn't just as lovely in it as she used to be.  "I gave my statement and they're going to arrest the man.  I'll need to testify and Vick is my witness.  I guess it's a good thing you didn't come charging in, Beej.  It would have been difficult to explain who you are and why no one could say your name often."  
  
"Dodged a bullet on that one then, huh?!" he said pretending to be excited.  "Alright then!  Let's go home!"  B.J. draped an arm over both Lydia and Vick and transported them directly Lydia's old bedroom.  
  
"Augh...  I might hurl..." Vick stumbled forward groping for the door.  "I'll be right back..."  He cupped his hand over his mouth as if to force down whatever threatened to bubble over and out.  
  
Lydia closed the door and pulled out a pair of red and black snowflake pajamas with skulls and crossbones on them and another over-sized shirt.  "Turn around, BJ, and don't ya dare peek!" she demanded.  
  
"What the-?  Oh!  I'll just step out...  No one's gonna be asleep after Vick is done sacrificing his lunch to the porcelain gods.  Heheh!"  His heart raced inside his rib cage as he closed the door behind him and locked it on the inside with his magic.  "Yikes!  Lead me not into temptation.  Apparently I'm pretty damn knowledgeable on where to find it on my own!  I sure hope I'm scorin' some brownie points with _someone_ bein' this damn nice tonight.  I'm the frickin' golden child in comparison to how I usually am..."  Quickly, he materialized a chair and sat it in front of Lydia's door for him to plop down in.  Beetlejuice leaned the two back legs against the frame, put his hands behind his head, and crossed one leg over the opposite knee.  It wasn't long before the sound of rushing water echoed through the hallway as Vick flushed and brushed his teeth.  
  
Vick's footsteps could be heard padding down the hall towards Lydia's room where B.J. had set up post for the night.  "What do you think you're doing?" he asked in an authoritative tone.  
  
"What does it look like?  I'm keepin' watch over Lyds," Beetlejuice answered calmly.  
  
"From who??  It's just her parents, you, and me in the house."  B.J. didn't answer with words.  Instead, he flashed Vick a clever smile and folded his arms across his chest.  "Oh, you must be joking.  _Me??_   Why would you be guarding her from me?-Hmm?"  
  
"For starters, she's drunk.  Second, you're drunk still.  Third of all-"  
  
"Wait one damn minute!  We are not children here.  Lydia and I are two consenting adults who are engaged.  You seem to forget this important piece of information."  
  
"No, I remember 'cause ya can't go an hour without sayin' it...  Nevertheless, I don't remember hearin' her consent to anything.  Sooo... off to bed with ya.  Nighty-night, sleep tight, make sure the bedbugs bite.  They tastier and more filling when they've gut-loaded.  Now, shoo!"  
  
"Now you listen here!...  Ah, who am I kidding?  I want to be furious except I already saw this coming.  Lyddi already warned me you would do something of this nature.  After what happened in the bathroom, I can't even blame you.  I wasn't even going to try anything tonight regardless.  I just wanted to tell her goodnight."  
  
"She said I'd do this??"  
  
"Yeah, she said that if she were to pass out drunk, then you would put her to bed and stand guard outside her door.  She said you wouldn't even let me in out of respect for her and I be damned if she wasn't spot on.  I can't even will myself to be upset.  The best part is that I'm convinced you wouldn't be like this if it were any other beautiful woman in there."  
  
"Hell no!  Ya kiddin'?  I'd be chasin' tail from here to Kathmandu!  And I honestly can't blame a guy for tryin' his own luck, but I have more respect for Lyds than that.  I guess she knows me better than I thought.  Heh, clever gal.  Look, I know ya hate me and I don't particularly care for you-"  
  
"Hate you?  On the contrary!  I don't hate you, man.  I just don't like how you're always trying to come between me and Lyddi.  As a matter of fact, I admire you and how well you can handle her at times.  She's easy going most of the time except when she's in a mood.  If she's mad at me, she'll stay mad at me sometimes but you.  You can piss her right off and recover with a jest and she's talking to you the next minute.  I could never pull that off!"  
  
"Well, yeah!  Of course I can do that!  I've known Lyds long enough to pull the moves that tickle her funny bone.  I don't always have the right words, but I also know if a joke doesn't work than it's time to move on to something a little more serious.  She doesn't always forgive me so easily.  She's given me the cold shoulder plenty of times.  I mean, she quit speakin' to me for years until now.  Don't forget that...  I might know her inside and out, but I only have her past.  You, sir... you have her future."  Beetlejuice gave Vick a smile that didn't reach his eyes.  It was empty but he put on a good face anyway.  
  
"Hmm... suppose you're right...  By the way, I still stand by what I said yesterday about you being in love with Lydia.  I think that's why I'm so jealous.  I can inherently pick up on it and, since you're jealous of me, I naturally become competitive with you.  I just can't explain this to her or I risk coming up the fool on the off-chance I'm wrong.  I don't think I am, but one can never tell.  At this rate, we're both going to lose her so I propose a truce.  We'll do as she suggested earlier.  We shall take the piss at each other in secret but play nice on the surface.  How does that sound?"  
  
"I don't play well with others.  And, ya have a point at the same time.  Fine, but don't expect much outta me.  Breakin' promises is what I do best besides hustlin'.  Anyway, I guess I'll let ya say goodnight and all..."  The cantankerous poltergeist removed himself from his seat and tapped on the door.  
  
"C'm-in..." Lydia slurred in half dazed voice.  B.J. unlocked the door and entered to find her curled up on top of her bed with her hair still half up.  With a snap of his fingers, all the bobbin pins and clasps untwined from her hair and fell into place on her nightstand.  He shook his head with a half smirk and covered her up.  
  
"Goodnight, Lyddi.  I love you, dear," Vick whispered in her ear before giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek.  
  
"'Night, hun..." she replied back pulling his collar to her for a better kiss.  
  
"Well, I suppose I'll give you this, BJ.  If it makes you feel better about the situation, I'll sleep in another room.  I bid you adieu."  
  
"Later..." Beetlejuice grunted as Vick strolled back to his temporary room.  The ghost with the most was about to take leave as well when he heard a soft voice beckon him.  
  
"BJ...  C'mere," Lydia called softly.  
  
"Yeah, babes?  What's wrong?"  
  
She rolled over to face him and rubbed one eye sleepily before reaching up and yanking his purple tie to her.  With such unexpected force he toppled over onto the bed next to her and soon found himself wrapped up in her small embrace.  "Don't leave me yet...  I still miss you... and... ya never told me ya love me back."  
  
"Huh??"  
  
"At the bar, durin' our dance, I said I love ya but ya never told me ya love me back."  
  
"Oh.  Of course I love ya!  Don't worry, babes, I'm not goin' anywhere.  I'm right here.  I'll always be right here, promise.  Nothin' like that will ever happen to ya again, ya have my word... whatever it's worth."  He stroked her hair for a moment listening to the gentle sound of her breathing when all of a sudden, Lydia sat up on her knees to face him.  She had a distant and sparkling look in her eyes as she reached over and took his face with both of her delicate hands.  As she leaned in a little closer, she studied the features of the ashen face she once thought she had memorized, her thumbs running back and forth across his cheeks.  She leaned in a little closer; her eyes roaming his face as if she was looking for something in particular.  Finally, Beetlejuice found words asking nervously, "Uh, whatcha doin', Lyds?"  
  
"I dunno," she answered honestly in her drunken stupor.  "Your smile is so wide yet your eyes are so sad.  What can I do to cheer ya up, my friend?  Ya've always been there for me...  And ya _do_ love me right?"  
  
Was now his chance?  Was this the moment to tell her everything he had locked away in his heart.  He felt as if his little black heart would burst at the speed it pumped as it was.  No.  She was far too intoxicated for anything he might say to stick.  By morning, it would be another lost conversation like all the others he had with Lana.  He didn't want that with Lydia.  If he told her, he wanted her to remember - to know beyond doubt how much he truly loved her.  So, he gave his typical answer, "Absolutely, babes.  I love ya like no other.  Now, what's wrong?"  He gently pried her hands away from his face and held them between his.  
  
"Beej, I-" she closed the distance between them leaving no more space.  With a light thud, she passed out on top of his stomach.  
  
"Thank goodness I got a little cushion down there or ya might've slid off into the floor, babes.  Phew...  G'night, Lydia.  Sleep well,"  Beetlejuice sighed as he tucked her back in bed and placed a small kiss on her forehead.  Back to the chair he went.  Propping himself back up, he had a feeling tonight would be a long one sleeping in the chair he stole from the kitchen.  It was a Delia Deetz original after all and that woman had more screws loose than her furniture.  'Yes, Lyds, I love ya more than I love myself.  How's that for true love?  Hmph!'  B.J. pulled his cap over his face and cushioned his head with his hands and attempted to catch some shut eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, who got the Batman reference? ^.^ Also, sorry this chapter is so long but I had so much to write about on this one consistent event. Hope you all like it and thank you to my readers! Songs of inspiration:  
> "She's got a smile it seems to me  
> Reminds me of childhood memories  
> Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky  
> Now and then when I see her face  
> She takes me away to that special place  
> And if I'd stare too long I'd probably break down and cry  
> Oh, oh, oh  
> Sweet child o' mine  
> Oh, oh, oh, oh  
> Sweet love of mine  
> She's got eyes of the bluest skies  
> As if they thought of rain  
> I hate to look into those eyes  
> And see an ounce of pain  
> Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place  
> Where as a child I'd hide  
> And pray for the thunder  
> And the rain  
> To quietly pass me by  
> Oh, oh, oh  
> Sweet child o' mine  
> Oh, oh, oh, oh  
> Sweet love of mine." -- Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns 'N Roses (surprise, surprise...)


	7. Gummy Worm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More adventures in the Neitherworld! Vick starts something that B.J. is determined to finish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lydia nearly escaped certain tragedy thanks to Beetlejuice's developing ability. She is definitely not thrilled about being rescued, but she's about to dust it off and finish the rest of her holiday in good spirits. (sorry for the pun! XD) Not that she'll ever really forget, but I really don't see her as the kind to dwell on it and let it bring her down. I've always viewed Lydia as a strong woman who could conquer any obstacle thrown at her. Unfortunately, I also believe a person is either the complete opposite of themself when drunk or even more themself in an obnoxious way thus why she felt so helpless. Feel free to disagree. XD So, they're moving on to brighter things in this chapter with some of B.J.'s antics and a little more rivalry.

Lydia awoke the following morning with a painful throbbing behind her eyes that had her convinced her cerebellum might explode any moment.  She tried to recall last night's events yet they were nothing more than a mangled conglomerate of emotions at first.  What had stirred her though?  Oh yes, a dream.  Remembering the dream was futile as it faded into the recesses of her memory giving way to more recollection of the previous night's outing.  "That's right," she moaned, her voice thick with sleep as she rubbed her temples.  "We went out and played billiards at the pub.  BJ had me drinking and both him and Vick are total green eyed monsters.  Something else happened... Right, I nearly forgot...  I hope they arrested that man before he could do something worse to another unsuspecting girl.  Well, today's a new day and I refuse to be a victim.  Damsel in distress never was flattering on me.  I'll need to be more careful."  Stepping to her mirror she noticed her clothes were the same ones she had left the house in and her face was covered in smeared makeup.  "Add some frizzy red hair and I'm ready for my circus act!" she laughed rubbing off the excess smudges.  Deciding she needed the help of something more powerful than her hand, Lydia opened the door to exit and was met with the sound of Beetlejuice crashing backwards onto the floor.  "Beetlejuice!!  What are you doing in a chair outside my door??"

He looked up at her with a cheerful smile and said, "Oh-hey, babes.  How's it goin'?  Uh, ya know, just layin' back, kickin' up my feet...  What's up?"

"So, you held watch by my door last night.  Why??"

"Actually, I held four," he replied pulling back his sleeve to reveal his time pieces.

"BJ.  Talk."

"Just to be safe.  I wanted to keep a eye on ya after what happened."  As he explained his reason, his eye bounced up out of its socket and landed on Lydia's shoulder.

"And, do tell, who in the world were you keeping me safe from?  The only ones here are my parents and Vick?" she asked rhetorically leaning down to push his eye back into his head.

"Ya never know.  One of that disgusting creep's buddies could have followed us home?"

" _You_ took us home.  Beej, help me understand why you're so jealous of Vick.  Maybe I can help you two get along better."  She leaned down to pick B.J. up out of the floor.

"Gee, Lyds, ya really know how to pick me up when I feel down!  Ha!" he laughed as he rose to his feet.

"I'm serious, Beej.  Talk to me."  Lydia sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned her elbows on her knees.

"Ew, there's that word again.  Don'tcha think last night was serious enough?"  Lydia didn't respond.  She leaned back, crossed her legs and arms, and maintained her cool expression patiently waiting for him to continue.  "Fine.  I dunno, babes.  Somethin' about him crawls over me worse than the beetles I keep in my pockets.  I feel like he's hiding somethin'.  I can't explain it, but somethin' isn't right and that's  _me_ sayin' it.  I don't trust him, Lydia."

A flush of color heated her cheeks hearing B.J. say her full name.  He never called her Lydia unless he was in distress or desperately wanted her attention.  His tone was neither in this case, but it did catch her attention nonetheless.  "Well, Beej, he's never given me a reason not to trust him.  I can't live my life based on your intuition as I've previously stated.  Speaking of people not being themselves, I think you broke me of ever drinking again.  I did  _not_ appreciate who I became last night."

"You _were_ a bit of a cry-babes last night.  Not that ya didn't have a reason to be!  I'm just not used to it.  But hey, don't be hard on yourself," he told her taking a seat on the bed.  "That was a tough ordeal to go through and it could have been so much worse.  But, it wasn't-"

"Yeah, because you and Vick rescued me.  I don't know how to handle that.  I rescue you, not the other way."  She turned her eyes to the floor.

Beetlejuice stretched his arms out to pull her closer and said, "Consider this payback for all the times ya had to save my sorry behind.  Besides, it's not the first time I've rescued you, remember?"

"I still don't like it.  But, I came out unscathed so I should be grateful.  Thanks again, BJ.  Now, I'm going to send you home so you can get some proper rest.  I'm going to spend some time with Mom and Dad."

"Guess I do feel like I've been runnin' circles around Doomie... tired and exhausted.  When should I expect your call, babes?"

Lydia was chuckling at his joke when she answered, "Not for a couple of days."

" ** _WHAT?!_** "

"Beetlejuice-Beetlejuice-Beetlejuice," Lydia hastily chanted.  "Sorry, BJ, but I'm here to spend time with my parents as well.  Believe me, if I could spend my whole vacation in the Neitherworld then I would.  Go have some personal time.  You deserve it after last night."

"But  _babes_!  How could ya just turn me away like this?!  You've only been back a couple of days!"

"Calm down, Beej.  I will only be gone another couple, promise.  I'm sure you have better things to do than babysit me all day anyway."  Lydia gave him a friendly wink before wiggling herself out of the leggings and replacing them with jeans knowing the dress would cover everything.  "Goodbye, BJ," she emphasized with a little wave.  Defeated, he mumbled goodbye and vanished from her mirror.  "Love that ghost..."  As the muttered words left her tongue, Lydia's pulse started to race.  She gasped a little at the suddenness of it and placed her hand over her chest as if she could subdue the tension with a mere touch.  "What  _is_ this sensation I feel when it comes to him.  It strikes from nowhere and I've never felt it before...  Maybe I had too much to drink last night..."  Quickly, Lydia slipped into the bathroom to shower off the night before.  Try as she might, the unclean feeling of that intoxicated pervert's hands on her refused to wash away.  Her optimistic resolve on how it could have been so much worse waned for a few minutes as she silently broke into tears.  Never again would she be made to feel helpless.  Delia was given a handicap back in New York since she was completely new to the whole parenting scene and didn't really know what she was doing.  Beetlejuice was pardoned easily because his intent was never to hurt her.  But this...  This was completely different.

Delia had been controlling and overly demanding of her at such a young age yet Delia too was quite young and still finding herself.  Even at such a small age, Lydia had some understanding of that and did her best to put on a good face for her father's sake.  Moving to Peaceful Pines actually did them both a favor in their relationship (especially after B.J.'s little stunt).  It wasn't long after moving that Beetlejuice pulled his trick and tried to force her to marry him.  The need to be rescued by made her feel even smaller but she was eternally grateful for Adam and Barbara, nevertheless.  But  _this_.  All Lydia could think was, 'Never again.'  She dried her eyes and toweled off before dressing and joining the rest of her family downstairs.

Three days flew by without much word from Lydia.  Beetlejuice just couldn't stay away for too long popping in and out of various household items such as Delia's strange kitchen clock and the downstairs television.  He couldn't stay for long since Lydia was sincere in her attempt to spend a part of her vacation with her parents.  "C'mon, babes!" he pleaded from her mirror Thursday afternoon.  "I'm dyin' of boredom over here!  I feel like I'm gettin' 'stiffed'."

"Haha!  You're already dead, BJ.  Don't be such a baby.  Remember what happens when you act like one?  Tell you what.  Let me have the rest of today _in peace_ , and we'll come visit you tomorrow.  Vick and I will come to the Neither and have a picnic somewhere creepy; maybe even toss the 'foot'-ball around."

B.J. crossed his arms and leaned against the frame while never taking his eyes off Lydia.  She was busy rolling film and preparing her camera for the evening.  "Alright, you win.  Just don't forget else I'll be 'buggin'' ya.  Haha!"  He then let loose a giant black widow spider on her floor for emphasis.

"Augh!  Beetlejuice, that's not an insect!  I won't forget, Beej.  Stop worrying so much.  I'm not about to disappear like last time, I swear."  She leaned down and allowed the spider to crawl onto her open hand.

"Worried?  Who's worried??  I just miss your face is all.  I'm ready to get back to abnormal!  I want campin' in the Scarewood Forest, swimmin' at Blackwater Beach, road trips to the five corners of the Neitherworld, and 'Fright'-day night movies with popcorn and 'scream'-soda!"

"Heehee!  I'm ready to have fun too, BJ, but I have certain obligations at the moment.  Don't forget that it won't be just us anymore either.  You might not like it, but Vick will be joining us for these things.  I can't just leave him out of the fun!" she reminded him handing back the widow.  "Here, I can't set her loose outside or she'll freeze.  Don't eat her either..."

"Grrr... party pooper...  Fine...  Call me tomorrow then.  Later, babes."  He disappeared in an instant leaving Lydia to her work.  Beetlejuice teleported out of the mirror frame but he didn't go home.  Instead, he put himself in front of Prince Vince's castle door.

"Halt!" cried one guard.  "What business do you have with the prince,  _Beetlejerk?"_

"Can't a guy pop in and say hi to an old friend?" B.J. put up his facade of innocence.

"No.  You're not welcome here, dickhead... by the staff of course.  His majesty would be delighted to see you.  The last time you darkened our doors you ruined the chef's culinary masterpiece he had slaved for all afternoon.  Go away, you pestilence!"

"Fellas, please, it was a harmless joke and one Vince found amusing at that.  Curious though, what happens to you two if he finds out ya turned down an honored guest?"

"Who says he'll find out?" the other guard growled lurching closer.

"Well, ya see, when Lyds finds out from me ya wouldn't lemme in then she'll be the one callin' at Vincent's door.  And, I  _know_ there's not a big enough pair between you two numb-nuts to turn  _her_ away.  So, what will it be, fellas?"

The guards exchanged glances from the corners of their eyes and the first one huffed, "You play dirty, Beetlebrain.  We'll have the doorman see you to the tea room where Prince Vince is currently relaxing.  He'll receive you there.  Just keep your hands and your mojo-hoodoo powers to yourself!  Shame on you for using Miss Lydia like that!"

"Hey, it works.  Now, if you'll excuse me, gents..." Beetlejuice gave a mock bow before strutting off with Vince's doorman.  He showed B.J. to the tea parlor where Prince Vince was indeed sitting by a calm fire sipping on cup of nightshade blend and indulging in a book.

Immediately on Beetlejuice's entrance, Vince rose from his chair with a smile to greet him.  "Ah!  Beetlejuice, my dear friend!  To what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?"

"Hey, Vince, buddy, pal...  I need to speak with ya about somethin'...  _personal._ "  B.J. scratched the back of his head with jittery hands as he took the chair opposite of Vince.

"Yes, yes, of course!  First, might I offer you a cup of tea?  A friend put together this lovely belladonna-worm's wort blend and it's simply divine."

"No thanks.  I'm not interested in a nap just yet.  Got anymore of that spider cider?  It's pretty great."

Vince nodded and sent the doorman to fetch his guest a jug of cider and a cup.  "Pray tell, BJ, what brings you to my abode this evening?"

"Well, I've talked with a couple of others about this and I'm gettin' the same answer each time.  I'm hopin' you might have some different advice for me.  See, I've recently came to the realization that I've fallen head first in love with... a certain someone... someone who is very special to me... someone..."

"Ah!!  So you finally admit that you're in love with Miss Lydia?!  I tried to tell you how obvious it is, Beetlejuice.  If only you would listen to your friends more often rather than that psychotic brain of yours, then your afterlife might be something worth dying for.  So, have you told her yet?  Or are you still harboring it in the pit of your gut like you always do?"

"Why the hell would I tell her?!  Damnit, Vince.  Ya sound like everyone else.  I came here for ya to tell me that I need to lock it away with all the other skeletons in my closet!"

"Why would I do that?  If everyone is telling you the same thing, then perhaps it's a bit of sound advice.  Did that ever occur to you, BJ?  Besides, I think Miss Lydia deserves to know all about your deepest feelings of love and devotion for her."  Vince leaned back in his chair and sipped his warm tea.

"You mean tell her the  _truth_ _?_   Don't use such clean language with me!!  Honesty, ya  _know_ I hate it.  Besides, I can't...  I can't just drop somethin' like this on her and ruin everything she's worked for."  The doorman returned with silver tray containing a small, empty cup and a jug of fermented cider.  Beetlejuice shoved the tiny cup aside and grabbed the jug turning it upside down for a hearty swig.

"You don't mean to tell me that you intend on lying to the lady forever?  _You_ lying to _Lydia??_   Really??"

"Until she departs for that mansion waitin' for her in the great beyond and I never see her again.  I mean, look at who you're talkin' to, Vince."

"Surely you don't mean that!  You can't keep it hidden forever, BJ.  The truth will come out eventually; it always does.  Why, that skeleton might grow until it explodes through that tiny closet of yours.  One way or another, Miss Lydia will find out so it might as well be through your own words.  Plus, there happens to be another reason I feel it only right to confess your love."

"Oh?  What's that?"

"I shall drop you a hint.  She's your soulmate in a sense."

"Ya think she's my other half??"

"I feel she's your _better_ half if I'm being completely transparent with you.  I think she completes you, mind and spirit... yours more than hers.  Haha!  I also feel it explains why she's so special to you in a way no one else has been in nearly seven hundred years.  You see her as a part of you rather than just an individual.  That would explain why you would never cheat or steal from her and why you hold her in such high regard over literally everyone else."

"But, I tried to cheat her parents all the time.  That was never in her best interest."

"Yet, you still did handiwork for them, 'Mr Beetleman'.  You learned how to be a general handyman practically overnight just for her and you never tried to scam them in a way that would be a direct harm to Miss Lydia, at least, not in a way that you couldn't fill a need for.  As far as any other, you wouldn't have given it a second thought.  Yes, I think it's as clear as the misery in your eyes.  Lydia is your missing half."

"That's a bit difficult seein' as how she's with another guy and all..."

"Maybe she wouldn't be if she only knew your feelings for her.  You'll never know until you talk with her."

"Fat chance on that one...  Anyway, that wasn't the only reason I dropped in."  Beetlejuice changed the topic since he grew tired of hearing the same advice from everyone.  "I was checking in to see if ya learned anything about the mysterious Elena Black."

"No yet, I'm afraid.  The team I have in charge couldn't find that specific name in the database and they searched the book just to make sure a name wasn't omitted in error.  They have already shifted their efforts into finding other maidens by your description by first and last names individually just in case they were either unmarried or Elena wasn't her first name.  Rest assured, if she is a resident then we shall find her for you."

"Cool.  Thanks, Vince-arino.  Guess it's time for me to make like mucus and run.  But before I do..."  An impish smirk formed on the corner of B.J.'s face as he rubbed his hands together.  His intentions were fairly readable.

"Please don't harrass my staff today.  They're already petitioning for me to throw you to the sandworms.  Don't make it worse on yourself if you can help from it."  Vince pleaded with his mischievous friend to no avail.

"Don't worry.  They're gonna go 'hog wild' for what I'm about to do!"  With a snap of his finger, squeals of various pitches could be heard throughout the castle quickly followed by squealing of another kind.

"What did you just do, Beetlejuice?"

"Let's just say that your place is a pig sty and I ain't cleanin' it!  Hahahaaa!  Looks like it's gonna be 'swine' dining tonight, Vince!"

Just then, a loud chorus of bellows echoed from all parts of the castle.  Every resident screamed, " ** _BEETLEJUICE!!_** " in accusation.

"Was that necessary, BJ?  Are we still in highs-ghoul or something?  Uh-oh.  Looks like you better take leave before it's _your_ bacon that's fried," Vince advised with a bemused grin.

"I was just about to go.  It's gettin' a little 'boar'-ing around here anyway.  Heheh!"

"Especially since you're not much of a people 'porcine'!  Heehee!  Oh no!  I hear angry footsteps clamoring about.  I'll send for you if I find anything before Christmas.  Take care, Beetlejuice."

"Hey!  That pun was des-'pig'-able!  Bwahahaha!  Smell ya later, Vince!  By the way, I'm takin' this cider!"  In a flash of green smoke, B.J. departed back to the Roadhouse leaving Prince Vince to contend with his mess once again.

"Let's see now... what am I to do with all these pigs he let loose?  On the bright side, he did just pay me back for that roast he destroyed last time."  With a heavy sigh, Vince exited to the main chambers to address the issue at hand.

Back at the Roadhouse, Beetlejuice flung open his door, unknotted his tie, removed his striped jacket discarding both into the floor, and flopped back in his green chair.  Mechanically scratching at his stomach, he turned the stolen jug of cider upside down and practically inhaled the remaining contents before chucking it across the room with the rest of his empty beer cans.  "I dunno where the hell he gets it, but that's the best damn spider cider around.  What to do, what to do.  Tell her how ya feel, tell her how ya feel!  That's what everyone keeps sayin'.  I was hopin' Vince would have some alternative advice.  Lana, Vince, even Burp and Prune all have the same advice:  tell her how ya feel.  But, it's not that easy...  I mean, if she was my soulmate then why is she on the other side gettin' _handsy_ with that creep?"  B.J. leaned forward and propped his chin on his arm in a manner reminiscent of The Thinker and allowed his mind to wander.

"Beep Beep!" came a familiar honk from the garage.  Concerned, he stepped out the conjoined door to check on his beloved monster car.

"What's up, Doomster?" he asked patting Doomie's hood and climbing into the cab.  A series of purrs and grunted beeps reverberated as Doomie gave his friend some of his own advice.  B.J. listened patiently as he was reminded of a time when he first met Pinky and how Lydia's personal guidance was to follow his heart.  "Yeah, I remember all that.  I know it helped _you_ in the end.  ...  Look, Dooms, followin' my heart only leads to the wrong kind of trouble.  ...  No, I will not 'just hear it out'.  It makes me feel things... _weird_ things that I don't particularly enjoy sometimes.  At least with my head, I know I'm playin' it safe."  Doomie growled and honked curtly at his stubborn owner.  "Dooms, I'm glad it all worked out for ya, really, and I appreciate the sentiment.  I just don't see my situation unfolding quite the same way.  Know what I mean?"  Sliding out of the cab, Beetlejuice patted him on the hood again and told him goodnight.

"Beep..." Dragster of Doom managed to call out grabbing his master's attention.

"Whaddya mean 'what if I'm wrong'?!  When am I ever _wrong_?!?"  A little snort escaped his grill as Doomie tried not to laugh which only fueled B.J. further.  "Seriously?  When have I ever given a bad piece of advice?!  When has anything turned out a complete disaster when based on my amazing judgement!?  I don't understand where this is coming from.  I'm the ghost with the most!"

"Beep-beep."

"Aw, shit!  You're right!!  How do you always do this??  It's like you can see right through me or somethin'!"  This elicited a headlight roll from the patient vehicle.  "The past week I've been fairly... n...n... _nice._   Gah!-yuck!  Hate that word..."  Beetlejuice cringed at the taste of it.  "I guess this is one time bein' selfish could work in my favor.  I don't wanna upset Lyds but I don't wanna see her marry that jackass.

"Honk!"

"I know I can't  _stop_ her, Dooms.  And no, before you say it, I won't kill 'im... As much as I'd like to...  Nah, killin' the guy won't do me any favors.  I guess I need to tell her.  Damnit... now my head is startin' to agree with my heart.  What the hell's goin' on with me?  There seems to be a mutiny afoot, Doomie.  And, a shoulder, a back, all over!"  Doomie nudge into Beetlejuice to comfort him sensing his distress.  "Hey!  Easy, boy!  Heel!... just not on mine.  I appreciate ya tryin' to help and all, but I think I'll manage from here, 'kay pal?  It's gettin' late and I bet Lana's workin' tonight.  Time to go knock a few back and irritate her for a while.  Gotta put this 'lice'-ense to good use.  Heh!"  In an instant he was gone leaving Doomie to his own devices.

The following morning, Lydia and Vick arrived at Beetlejuice's side of the Roadhouse ready for an exciting picnic in the woods.  She had to admit that she was starting to miss sunny California after being home in three-foot snow.  Approaching the door, Lydia knocked once but he didn't answer.  On the second knock, she called his name and still received no answer.  After the third knock and continued silence, she lifted the doormat to find B.J.'s skeleton key made from authentic Neitherworld voodoo bones.  "Wait, Lyddi.  Are you sure we should enter without his permission?  _You_ might be exempt from the brunt of his shenanigans but he'll roast me like a Christmas goose for invading his personal space!" Vick broke the silence with his concerns.

"You sound more like a chicken than a goose," Lydia teased.  "Relax, dear.  BJ would never be upset at me for letting myself in.  That's why he keeps a key under his mat.  It certainly isn't for himself!  Now, you might be a sitting duck if you tried this on your own.  Heehee!"

"Funny..."

"Come, let's take a 'gander' and see if he's 'nesting'.  Haha!"

"Please stop..."

"I thought you liked my jokes."

"I liked them when they were random and sparse.  Now, you just sound like _him_."

"What can I say?  He really brings out my 'fowl' side!  Oh, don't be so 'grouse'.  I know these jokes are hard to 'swallow' but I have no 'egrets'."

"Going to drench you in holy water to exercise whatever demon has its grip on you if you don't stop.  Hmmm...  speaking of drenching demons..."  Vick wandered off while Lydia searched the entire house for a sign of her friend.  He had a genius plan if the ghastly guy wasn't home.  "Did you find him yet?!" he hollered from the bathroom while filling a bucket full of warm, soapy water.  He was nearly taken by a tentacle or two for the bar, but he sure found one in a forgotten corner under the bathroom sink.

"No!  He's not home!  Doomie isn't in the garage either so he must be out!"

'Perfect,' he grinned maniacally filling the bucket to the brim with suds.  "Time to clean up his act.  Hee!"  Carefully, Vick balanced the bucket on top of the coat rack by the front door and tied a string to the opposite door handle.

"What are you doing, Vick?" Lydia asked in flat tone.

"I'm exacting vengeance for all the low down, dirty things he's done to me all week and for all the snarky jokes on my behalf."

"Am I missing something??  I thought you two were cooperating rather well spite being insanely jealous of each other.  What's in that bucket anyway?"

"Soap and warm water was all I needed for the perfect revenge.  When he opens the door, the string will pull tight.  When he steps into the doorway, it will pull the string even tighter causing the bath in a bucket to drown him enough that it might actually be-rid us of that God-awful stench for a while."

"And you wonder why he doesn't like you?"

"He hasn't been fond of me from the get-go.  Maybe a lighthearted prank is what I need to warm up his frosty heart.  Not that I want or even  _need_ his approval, however, it would make life easier if he'd just accept the fact that I'm a decent man."

"Good luck...  I wonder where he could be at this hour.  Normally, he sleeps as late as he can stand to unless I call him out of bed."

"Knowing what I know, he's probably passed out in the bathroom at that bar you two talk about or in some trolip's budoir."

"I doubt it.  If BJ knows we have plans, he's careful not to break them.  I'm calling him out if he doesn't arrive soon."  Before Lydia could finish her thought, she heard the roar of Doomie's engine as he pulled into the garage.  She sighed in relief as the sound of Beetlejuice's familiar whistle approached the front door.

"Stand back, Lyddi, so you're not splashed," Vick whispered.  He waited by the couch in giddy anticipation as the front door flew open and the ghost with the most tripped the string.  In one flail swoop the bucket came crashing down on B.J.'s head water first soaking him thoroughly.

"What the hell's this!?!" Beetlejuice shouted, caught off guard by the wetness.

"It's soapy water.  Vick decided that you're all washed up!" Lydia laughed until she cried.  "I can't believe you actually fell for it, Beej!"

" _Soap!?!_   And _clean_ water?!  Gross!!  Gah!-Yuck!  I can't believe he actually pulled it off.  What a way to dampen one's _spirits._   Haha!  Guess I need to commend ya for your efforts 'cause it's not often someone gets the upper hand against _this_ prank master."

"You mean... you're... you're not _mad_?" Vick questioned in surprise.

"Mad?  Nah.  Even I hafta appreciate the cunning that went into this simple, yet effective, joke.  It's 'dripping' with class!  Well, my kind anyway.  Hey, babes, 'water' ya waitin' for?  Come gimme a hug!"

"No thanks, Beej.  I'll 'towel' you what.  Dry off and _then_ I'll give you a hug.  Haha!" Lydia joked.

"Aw, don't be such a 'wet blanket', babes.  C'mere!"  Beetlejuice inched forward at her pace as she backed away with her arms out unwilling to be soaked.

"Don't be such a 'crab', Lyddi!  Give the guy a hug!" Vick laughed.  He had slipped behind her while her attention was on B.J. and gently shoved her to him laughing the entire time.

"Vick!!  BJ-no!"  She had been betrayed.  Vick had pushed her into prime position for Beetlejuice to quickly wrap his arms around her soaking the entire front of her clothes and the back where he rubbed his arms up and down in an attempt to transfer as much dampness as he could.  "Beej, if you weren't already dead, I might just kill you.  This water might have been clean before it soaked into your clothes, but you have a knack for making everything you touch stink and that now includes me.  You, sir, are a real Moby Dickhead."

"Ahahaha!  That's one 'whale' of an accusation, babes.  Especially 'sea'-ing as how Vick 'orca'-strated this with me." Beetlejuice grinned impishly still squishing her to him and rubbing his hair onto hers trying to wet it too.

"BJ!  Stop!  I'll need another shower at this rate!"

"But, babes, I'm already 'showering' ya with affection!"

"Too bad your love stinks, Beej!" Lydia giggled finally managing to shove him off of her before he could do any more water damage.  "I can't believe you stood there and let him do this!" she turned to Vick with her hands gesturing to herself.  She was more or less surprised that he allowed Beetlejuice to hold onto her so long.

"I couldn't help it myself.  The thought of hitting two birds with one stone was irresistible!  Forgive me, dear, but the look on your face when the water touched you was priceless," Vick explained trying to contain his amusement.  "I see now that even _you_ are not above canidacy for his japes."

"Are ya kiddin'?!  Lyds is the best one to pull a prank on!  She can take a joke as well as dish it.  Don't worry, pal, she'll get us both good before the day's over with.  Just you watch.  Guess I better be on my toes," he thought out loud rocking to the tips of his shoes and walking upstairs to change into dry clothes.  Lydia giggled at him as she removed her thick coat and hung it on the rack by the door.  She was just grateful the first layer was thick enough to absorb the brunt of the moisture leaving her blouse and skirt untouched.

When B.J. returned, he had swapped his suit for a pink shirt with yellow bones printed all over it and a pair of black and white striped shorts.  "What in the Neitherworld are you wearing??" Vick snickered.

"Don't knock it!  This is my favorite summer shirt!" Beetlejuice defended.

"BJ, it's winter," Lydia stated.

"Not in the Neitherworld.  Besides, you love this shirt."

"Alright, fine.  This shirt _has_ seen some adventures.  It's also seen better days... the bones _used_ to be white."

"And the shirt used to be red!"

"That is so gross..." Vick gagged.  "So where were you anyway?  Lyddi says you don't ever wake up this early without good reason."

"Oh, well, I went to the 'gross'-ery store to pick up a few things for the picnic," B.J. answered before running outside to grab the bags he dropped entering the house.  "I  earned a little spendin' cash last night at Dante's when I went to invite Lans to come with us.  She has to work, of course...  So, I hustled a few games and went out this mornin' to buy some stuff.  I got 'scream' cheese, rotten tomatoes, poison apples, 'limb'-berger - my favorite - sour grapes, liver-'worst', and poisonberry pie!"  
  
"Thanks, Beej, but we might actually die if we eat any of that," Lydia told him.  
  
"I thought ya liked 'scream' cheese, babes..."  
  
"I like 'scream' cheese cake.  You know, after it's been baked in the oven.  Come on, you two.  Let's move before it gets too late!  I'm excited for a picnic in the Neitherworld woods.  There are so many strange creatures and cool plants!"  Vick shuddered at the idea of anymore plants in this odd world.  "Don't worry, honey.  We're not going anywhere dangerous.  This area has my favorite non-lethal flowers, 'two'-lips and 'toe'-sies!"  Somehow, this failed to ease his nerves.  
  
"Relax, pal.  We're goin' in the other direction from when ya last came," Beetlejuice reassured him.  "No man eatin' plants where we're goin'.  Hop in!  Dooms is ready to go too!"  
  
"Beep-Beep!!" Doomie honked greeting the two.  Everyone climbed in with their packs and Doomie took off under B.J.'s instructions towards the safer part of the woods.  At Lydia's request, he put in a CD from her purple case and out of the speakers blared Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel.

"I still can't believe you're into this kind of music, Lyddi!" Vick shouted over the song.

"Well, my real mother was a bit of a hippie when she and Dad met.  They used to travel across the country following bands wherever they went.  Dad's more of a jazz guy really, but he loved traveling with Mom before I was born.  Many of the discs in this case are records of hers that were transcribed just for me after she passed."

'So that's why I wasn't allowed to touch her CD case...'  Vick shot Beetlejuice a curious look from the back seat.  B.J. was focused on the looping road ahead not paying much attention to their idle conversation.  'He calls  _me_ sensitive yet he's nothing but a big pushover and for my girl of all people.  It could be worse I suppose...'

"Is something wrong, Vick?"

"Huh?  No, dear.  I was just lost in thought is all.  Hey, big guy, how much farther?"

"Almost there!" Beetlejuice replied over the drowning music.  He wasn't kidding either.  Doomie had a habit of flying over most of the highway cutting trips in half or more.  What should have been almost an hour didn't even take twenty minutes and they were pulled off by the woods.  "What record speed Doomie!  That's my speed demon!"

"Beej, you really shouldn't encourage him to break the speed limit like that.  If you crash, well, you're dead already.  Doomie is still alive and he could be severely injured.  I don't know what I would do if something bad happened to him because of your recklessness," Lydia scolded.

"But, Lyds!  Dooms is my racing buddy!  We gotta practice sometime.  How else am I supposed to bring in extra cash?"

"Shame on you, BJ!  It's one thing to swindle and cheat on your own accord, but it's another to bring Doomie into your scandals.  Have you no shame?"

"Nope!  That well ran dry a long time ago, babes.  Don't stress, Lyds.  Me 'n Doomster have been quite the team since you've been gone.  It's was a real 'drag' but we managed."

"How many parts have you needed to replace throttling his engine like that?" she interrogated slinging her pack over her shoulder and heading into the woods.

"Oh, just his battery, some roters, bearings, and brakes of course.  It's not like we do it all the time..." Beetlejuice explained floating close behind.

"Wait, wait," Vick cut in approaching from the rear.  "You mean to tell me you are mechanically inclined?"

"Yeah, why??"

"I just didn't peg you for the sort of person who's into mechanics.  That's all."

"Don't let BJ's wayward lifestyle and demeanor fool you, honey.  He's highly intelligent and does nothing with it except cause mayhem for others," Lydia warned him with a giggle.

"You mean...  _he's_...  _educated?!"_

"Well, yes.  Beej has a love for chemistry that goes back to his childhood in the Neitherworld."

"Don't forget that I excelled in 'phlegm'-istry and garbology too," Beetlejuice reminded her with false air.

"He's also created some rather questionable mixtures in hopes of taking off with one of his get rich quick schemes.  He invented this perfume that turned the recipient into the opposite of their true personality!  Remember that, Beej?!"

"How could I forget!?  You were hell on wheels for a few hours!  A real wild child paintin' the town red... literally.  It was fun!  That's not all either.  Dee and Chucky call me Mr. Beetleman for a good reason.  I was their trusted handy man for years even after they found out who I actually was.  I've done everything to that house from roofin' to sidin', gardening, lawn care, plumbin', dry wall, and floor installation of every kind.  That house has been the 'vane' of my existence."

"Let me get this straight.  You're a mechanic, a carpenter, a chemist, a c.p.a.,  _and_ you're one of the most powerful spirits in this realm?!"

"Pretty much."

"What the fuck are you doing earning a living as a pool hall ace and cheating poker!?!?"

"Hey now.  I'm also a certified pest and bio-exercist.  Though, business has seen better days."

"That only solidifies my point!!  Why?!?"

"Easy, dear.  Don't bust a vein.  Beej is lazy.  That's all there really is to it.  His house is paid off, no car payment, the water is scarcely ran, and he eats bugs that run a muck through his house.  He only spends money when he needs to," Lydia helped explain.

"Pretty much," Beetlejuice agreed casually.

'Aye, aye, aye!  He's intelligent, powerful, funny, Lyddi finds him charming and endearing  _somehow_ , and they're close.  He might reek and he might not be attractive physically, or personality-wise for that matter, but here we are.  She looks at him like he's the greatest thing in the world and sincerely laughs at his lame jokes.  How am I to compete with that??' Vick thought in secret dismay.

"Is something wrong, dear?" she asked catching the look of distress on his face.

"No, no.  I was just surprised is all.  It caught me off guard how talented your friend is.  Such a waste though..." Vick played off his concerns.  "Where are we going anyway?"

"We're headed for my favorite place in the woods.  Up ahead is a clearing with all kinds of Neitherworld wild flowers.  Besides 'two'-lips and 'toe'-sies, we'll see Queen Anne's lace-"

"-Which, I hear she's still lookin' for, by the way," B.J. interrupted.

"Haha!  There's also black-eyed Susans-"

"Just don't try to pluck 'em or  _you'll_ be the one with a black eye."

"BJ!" Lydia laughed in a failed attempt to scold him for interrupting.  "Anyway, we'll see dandelions-"

"-And don't forget the dandelionesses!"  She turned to him with a reproachful look as they passed into the clearing.  "What??  It's true!"

She just shook her head with an exasperated sigh.  "Well, we're here nevertheless.  If we see any other flowers, I'll tell you what they are.  What do you think?  Isn't it beautiful out here?!"

Vick let out a surprised gasp at the rolling blue-green hills encompassed by the odd trees of the forest.  The late morning light cast an golden hue over the forest contrasting to the purplish haze that seemed to eminate from all around.  Among the empty field rested a variety of strange flowers and small foliage just as they had described.  Assorted colors peppered the land as far as the eye could see and the grass twinkled with the light reflecting off the morning dew that hadn't completely dried.  "It's... it's..." Vick stammered, eyes shining with wonder.

"Breath taking?  Exhilarating?  Magical?"

"Gross?  Disgustin'?  Vomit inducing?" Beetlejuice threw in his own suggestions.

" _Bee Jay!_ " Lydia scolded him.

"What??  Oh come on!  You know I don't like this place.  It's so  _pretty_.  And it  _smells_ pretty too!-Yuck-phoo!  I just don't get it.  Of all the creepy and filthy places to visit in the Neither, why is this one of your favorites?  Is it 'scent'-imental to ya, or what?"

"It's unique!  In a place like the Neitherworld, finding areas like this is difficult."  B.J. snubbed his nose and took Lydia's backpack to begin setting up in the overgrown grass.

"This place is gorgeous!" Vick errupted finally coming to his senses.  "Why didn't you bring me  _here_ instead of all those other places where I was nearly eaten  _twice_?!"

"Obviously, because it's not a place I personally enjoy unlike those other places.  When I said I wanted to picnic in the woods, I meant the areas  _I_ like..." Beetlejuice answered in a sour tone as he threw a blanket down and arranged the food with his magic.

"And I greatly appreciate you being a good sport about coming here anyway," Lydia thanked him with a peck on his cheek.

"Yeah-yeah..." he dismissed the sentiment half-heartedly still pouting.

"So, are we just going to leave Doomie out by the road?" Vick asked in concern.

"No, he should be arriving any moment," Lydia answered.  "He can't go through the woods with us, but he can sure fly over it!  I think I see him heading this way."

"Let's flag 'im down, babes," B.J. suggested turning into a bright orange flag.

"Haha!  I told you this would still be fun."  She hoisted her shapeshifting friend as high as she could calling out for Doomie's attention.  He landed by them excited for a nice day out with his beloved "parents".

They gathered on the oversized blanket Lydia kept specifically for picnics and beach trips.  As they made their sandwiches, Vick couldn't help but notice a patch of black and white striped foliage in the near distance.  It was reminiscent of the suit Beetlejuice was so fond of.  "What kind of plant is that?" he questioned with mild curiosity biting into his ham and Swiss.

"Which one?  The black 'n white weeds??  Stay away from those unless you're like me and favor the stench.  It's skunk weed and it didn't get its completely accurate name for its color," Beetlejuice told him spreading "scream" cheese across a cracker.

"It looks like you and it smells like you.  They should rename it Beetlejuice weed instead."

"Heh!  Mayor Maynot wouldn't dare give  _me_ such an honor.  Him and the rest of the town would rather feed me to the sandworms.  The only ones who stop 'em from doin' it are Lyds, Lans, Vince, Jacques, Gingie, and Doomie of course.  Better than just Lydia and Jacques like it used to be I guess."

"What about your parents and Donnie??" Lydia asked frowning at him for such an oversight.

"They wouldn't even know...  I'm such a black sheep that none of 'em have much to do with me.  Guess I've been really 'ba-a-ahd'."

"Hold on!  You said 'parents', as in family, relatives, lineage!  I thought you couldn't remember your past?!" Vick pulled the conversation back.

"I can't remember my mortal past, but I have another separate life in the Neitherworld.  I was reincarnated to a lovin' family here and so was my annoyin' little brother Donnie.  See, sometimes when one's life, or maybe death, was so horrible they're sent here for another chance in the afterlife.  It just depends on the circumstance.  Figured I must've screwed somethin' up real good to land an eternity in a mediocre existence spent in a mediocre realm.  It's not all 'good' though.  The Neither has some creepy and horrifying aspects that make it worse for the stay!"

"Half the time, I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or if he means the insults as compliments..."  The notion elicited a giggle from Lydia who was moving on to her second sandwich.  After some titillating conversation revolving around Lydia and Beetlejuice's adventures in the Neitherworld and in the overworld, B.J. stretched out for a nap.  He stuffed his belly full and the early afternoon warmth was more than the exhausted ghoul could fight.  "This has been nice, Lyddi.  I'm glad we took time to pack a lunch and enjoy the unusual sights this realm has to offer.  It's much more pleasant when the creatures aren't trying to eat you.  And, you look so beautiful among the blue-green grass and golden weeds.  Did you bring your camera?-Because I want a picture."

"I did!  Here, we'll take some together!"  Lydia set the timer on her camera and handed it to Doomie.  "All you need to do is hold it real still.  The camera will do the rest.  Thanks, Doomie!"  A series of five pictures were set to be captured with the first being one of the couple staring happily into the frame.  The next sequential pictures would be them holding each other and throwing peace signs, one of Victor stealing a kiss on the cheek, followed by one of him attempting to kiss Lydia only to find Beetlejuice had slipped a 'two'-lips flower between them, making the last one a picture of Vick gagging while Lydia appeared shocked as B.J. fell backwards laughing.

"You are simply incorrigible!!" Vick sneered indignantly.  "That was the most vile taste ever to cross my lips!  And I was inside a pitcher plant in my last visit!!  Must you avidly ruin  _everything_ with your school-boy conduct and toxic personality?"  Spitting one more time in the grass, he chased the unpleasant taste with a hard drink of apple juice.

"Victor, dear, when will you learn that BJ enjoys pulling this kind of rise from people?  The more belligerent you become, the more it satiates his never-ending hunger for practical jokes," Lydia said with an encouraging wink.

It took a few seconds for her little hint to take root.  A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips when he understood what his fiance was telling him without actually saying it.  It was time to even the playing field.  Vick was out for revenge and he had the perfect jape in mind.  While the other two were distracted, he slithered his hand into Lydia's backpack and pulled out a tube of super-sticky glue.  He waited until Beetlejuice prepared another sandwich before inquiring about another plant in the distance.  Once B.J. was distracted, Vick hastily squirted a copious amount of clear glue onto the middle of the sandwich before his target could turn around.

"That over there is creepy ivy," Beetlejuice replied nonchalantly.

"Don't you mean 'creeping' ivy?" Vick asked rhetorically.

"Nope.  We call it creepy ivy because it has a tendency to stalk travelers and take 'em who knows where.  It will move your things and even mimick other figures makin' ya think you're talkin' to someone when it's really the ivy.  Steer clear from that side of the woods and you'll be just 'vine'!  Ha!"  B.J. chortled taking a huge bite out of his sandwich.  Vick bit the insides of his cheeks to stave off the laughter threatening to escape.  Lydia arched her brow at him seeing the anticipation plastered across his face.  "What??"  B.J. asked in more of a low grunt than an actual question, his humor turning into confusion.

"Oh, nothing.  Just enjoying this peace and quiet.  Well, I will be very soon."

"Hmm-hmm-  Hnn??  Mnng?  HMMM!!!"  Vick couldn't contain himself.  The sound of Beetlejuice's muffled cries left him in hysterics.

"Victor Black!" Lydia gasped.  "What did you do?!"  She immediately scooted to the other side of their blanket to examin her friend's predicament.  Between cackles and gibberish grunts, that Lydia only could assume were threats on her fiance's life, she pieced together what happened.  "I can't believe you super glued BJ's mouth shut, Vick.  That's terrible!  I meant for you to put a bouquet of these flowers in his pillowcase or replace his cologne with one of my perfumes...  I didn't think you would glue his jaws together.  I have to admit that I don't believe I've ever heard you silent for such a long period of time, Beej.  The silent treatment is starting to grow on me," she gave a light chuckle to which Beetlejuice responded with an eye roll  and crossed arms.

 

He determined this as a declaration of war, one he refused to take lightly.  B.J. had something brewing in the darker crevices of his mind and couldn't wait to separate his jaws.  He wanted to be able to howl with laughter at what he was cooking up.  He helped Lydia pack everything back up so they could scout for a specific plant that would dissolve the adhesive.  "What are we looking for again?" Vick groaned.

"It's called a voodoo lily and they only grow along the Babbling Brook.  They're hard to find but their toxin is strong enough to counter the effects of any sticky substance," Lydia repeated herself for the third time.

"But, lilies aren't toxic..."

"Not in the overworld, but they are in the Neitherworld for some reason.  It's more of an acid really, and it causes the flowers to have an eerie glow at night.  The vibrant ultraviolet hue is like that of a black light.  Confectioners also use it for sour candies and doctors hunt it for the anesthetic properties.  Fortunately, the toxin is also a wonderful solvent.  Just keep looking for any black lily.  

As they scoured for the finicky flower, the brook whispered maddening chaos as it had before.  Only the scarce word here and there could be picked out.  "Did you know-have you heard-?" cycled over and over as if the record had been hung up in the player.  Various names were thrown at them from the rushing water.  Millions of secrets raced past their ears too inaudible for any single one to be distinguished from the another.  One thing the two could pick out each time was a particular name that came up more frequently than others, unsurprisingly.  The ghost with the most himself led a busy life as his name bared repeating usually accompanied by some poor soul he made the butt of his joke or swindled.

"Why doesn't the curse force BJ back here as often as his name comes up?"

"They're not real voices.  I can say his name all I want in my head, but he's not going to come.  Does that make sense?"

"I suppose..."

"Hmmphmm-hmm!!" Beetlejuice let out a muffled shout from the pit of his throat.  He proudly held out two black lilies still attached to their roots.

"Good job, Beej.  Now find me two large, flat stones I can use as a mortar and pestle."

"Mmmhmm!" he nodded giving her an overly animated salute.  Vick headed in the other direction in search for two appropriate rocks simultaneously.

Lydia instantly went to prepping her workspace by fetching a canteen of water from the noisy stream.  As she submerged the bottle, she continued to hear the convoluted secrets of local residents.  The bottle made a chugging sound as water rushed into the narrow spout.  That moment, she heard one of the disembodied voices whisper so close to her ear that it seemed louder than the rest.  "Did you know? - Beetlejuice is in love with her..."  "love-love..."  "He's afraid to say it - she doesn't know..."  Lydia fell backwards into the tall grass dropping her canteen in the rushing stream.

"Damn it, my canteen...  Who??...  Who is he in love with?..." she mused clasping her hand over her heart.  "And why does it feel like I was just dealt a heavy blow to my chest?  I... I've never felt this before."  The dull ache nearly brought her to tears as she gathered her wits.  "I must talk with BJ about this.  He's entitled to his secrets but I can't believe he's keeping something like this from me.  If it's Lana, I bet I can help.  I mean, that's what friends do, right?...  And he's my _best. friend_.  Right..."  After dusting herself off, she pulled from her sack a small sponge and soaked it with water not wanting to waste the bottles of clean water.  She only needed a little moisture to make a solvent anyway.  Soon, she could hear Victor's individual cadence as he marched back to her through the brush and weeds with two good-sized stones quickly followed by Beetlejuice's clumsy footsteps from the other direction.  He moseyed over to the other two with his hands in his pockets humming softly to himself.  "You didn't search at all, did you?"  She cocked a single brow at him in accusation.  He pretended to be hurt by the completely accurate statement.  "I know you better than that, Beej.  You sat and contemplated revenge while Vick found rocks for me.  Nice try."  With a shrug, he dried his crocodile tears and found a seat on a nearby rock.

"Revenge huh?" Vick mused.  "I suppose I'll need to be on guard for the rest of this outing."

"It's too late for that.  If BJ wants revenge, he'll have revenge.  Try as you like, he's the prank master.  Though, they have been known to backfire from time to time."  Vick's eyes met B.J.'s and he swallowed hard as the ghost looked upon him with a smug, almost predatorial, expression as if he knew exactly what he would do.  This gave Vick an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.  "Honey, I forgot one last ingredient to this solution.  Would you please find me a feather from a Neither chicken?  I can't apply the salve without a Neither chicken feather.  It won't work.  Find one for me?"  She clasped her hands imploringly at him.  Vick huffed and begrudgingly entered the woods again in search of a wild chicken of which he hadn't a clue on its appearance.  Beetlejuice scrunched his face confounded by the request pondering on why she would actually need such an item.  He faced her with upturned palms and a perplexed expression as she turned her attention back to the rock and wilting flowers.  "Haha!  What's that look for?  I just wanted him out of earshot for a minute to speak with you about something.  I overheard an interesting tidbit from the Babbling Brook while fetching water and I wanted to confront you on it."  Lydia went right to work rolling the smaller stone over the flowers using the smallest amount of water to create a sort of paste.  B.J. propped one foot on the rock, hung the other over the rounded edge, and draped his arm across his elevated knee.  He cocked an eyebrow waiting for her to continue.

Patience wasn't one of his strongest features, so he prodded her when she didn't respond fast enough.  "Hmmm??" he urged.

"Um, well, I heard the brook say that you were-uh... in love... with someone," she hesitated, her voice hardly a whisper as she expended the lilies of their moisture.  She didn't even look her friend in the eye out of embarrassment.  "At first, I thought I misheard and then the whispers told me you were a-afraid... to say something... and I thought-maybe... maybe you could use some help expressing your feelings.  It makes sense now why you asked me about my stance on love.  I wish you had told me then because I'm... I'm your friend, Beej, and I want to help you any way I can.  I-I think I know who she is..."  Lydia never once looked up from her work dampening the floral paste and grinding it into the rock making it more viscous with each drip of the sponge.  If she had faced him, she would have seen the mortified look painted on his face and his clammy forehead bead with sweat hearing her reiterate part of his deepest secret.

'Shit, shit, shit!!  She knows!!  Damn that stream!  How did the word even get out!?!  Must be a skeleton in my closet...  Damn it...' he panicked in his mind pulling at his collar.  If he could have pried his mouth open, he would have been eating his finger nails, denying the allegation, refusing to admit to such rumors.  Oh why did his mouth have to be sealed tighter than a sailor with lock-jaw?

"Look, if you're in love with Lana then I'm willing to-"

"Hnnn???  Hnn!-Hmmmnn!!  Mmmnnn!!  Nnnnngg!!"  Beetlejuice threw his hands up and waved them back and forth frantically.  Admittedly, he was relieved that Lydia hadn't actually figured out the entire secret.  At least the most important part was still unknown to her.  He made a big 'X' with his arms continuing his protesting noises.

"It's _not_ Lana??  Oh!  Wow...  I thought for sure I pegged that one.  Here, work this into your mouth.  Do it _slowly_ , Beej, or it will absorb faster than it can melt the glue.  Better yet, let _me_ do it because I know you'll be too impatient to start running that bug trap of yours."  B.J. happily allowed Lydia to apply the remedy by gently forcing it between his lips until it melted the glue that bonded them.  Her eyes concentrated on her work as she carefully dabbed the solvent in as deep as she could.  Occasionally, she would look him in the eye and smile, a blush color rising in her cheeks.  This again elicited a blush from Beetlejuice himself forcing his eyes to avert her gaze.  "Done.  It won't be long now."  Her hands moved to cup his chin idly after spreading the flower paste and her thumbs moved in a caressing back and forth motion like they had the night before.  Lydia's eyes met his again except he didn't look away this time.  She nearly recognized the look in his eye when B.J. caught her cheek in his massive hand kindling the fiery tone to spread across her face.  He then lowered his head touching his forehead to hers like he so often did when she was a child.  Yet, this felt different, somehow, as if it were meant to be deeper.  Hesitation threw his sudden rush of nerves off kilter as he attempted to move in for a kiss.  Instead, he ended up touching his nose to hers and brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.  Becoming aware of the heat on her skin and the uncontrollable pounding of her heart, Lydia instantly pulled away and coughed, "I think that will do until your lips separate.  I'll make more solution in the mean time."  Beetlejuice tried not to let his defeat and disappointment show as she went back to work thinning the paste.

'Way to go, BJ.  Ya blew your chance!  Dumbass...' he chastised himself.  After a moment, he was finally able to part his lips with a wince and a hiss.  "Yeow!" he cried in pain through clenched teeth.

"Is that any better?"

"My chongue (tongue) is schtill schtuck to the roof of my mouf," B.J. tried to speak.

"Pffft!!  _Beej!!_   Hahahaaa!  Try unbinding the rest of your mouth before starting a conversation.  You sound like Bertha before she had her braces removed!"

"Eheh-eheh-eheh.  Chute (cute)..."  He continued to suck the gel between his teeth which slowly, but surely, released the bonding agent's hold on his jaws and tongue.  The remnants were then swished around in his entire mouth and promptly spat onto the ground.  "Shit tastes like hot ass... and I'm about to whip ol' Prick's!!"

"Settle down, Beej...  Here, have a drink of my water."

"And you prompted him to pull somethin' like this?!?  Who's side are ya on anyway, Lyds?!"  Beetlejuice mindlessly accepted the bottle of water and took a huge swig.

"I'm on neither side!  I was simply trying to discourage Vick from being irate.  Poor guy doesn't stand a chance against you with your 'juice' and what-not.  If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have encouraged you instead."

"Playin' fair, eh?  Ya _know_ I hate it...  Say, what's with the offer to help me win the heart of some dame you know nothin' about??  Where did _that_ come from?"

"I-I overheard it in the Babbling Brook, like I said.  Honestly, I'm surprised you were keeping it from me.  You used to tell me everything, but I guess I can't be _too_ upset with you after what I did.  It shouldn't come as a surprise that you're weary to trust me completely."

"That's not it at all, babes."  Sitting up from the stone, he threw his arms around Lydia and told her, "It's not that I don't trust ya.  There's a bigger reason I didn't tell ya and it's the same reason I can't say who that person is.  I can't lie to _you_ \- it's true - but I _can_ keep things to myself.  Please, don't be upset."  Beetlejuice moved his hands to her shoulders and put her at an arm's distance.  He looked her directly in her big almost black eyes as he spoke.  "I've been debatin' for a while now on whether to tell ya or not.  I guess now's as good a time as any to say that I-"

"Lyddi!!" Vick interrupted.  Tromping footsteps could be heard crushing foliage as he made his way back to them.  Lydia watched as her best friend's expression dropped followed by his head entirely.  "Lydia!  I can't find a Neither chicken!!  We might have to buy one off a farmer!  Lyddi?  There you two are!  I thought for a moment I was lost!  Thank goodness!  What's going on??"

"Oh!  BJ was just about to tell me something important," Lydia's voice came out distant.

"Yeah!  I was about to apologize for sendin' ya on that wild goose-uh!  I mean _chicken_ chase.  Heheh!  Yeah, sorry, Lyds.  That was a story I made up because I was havin' too much fun watchin' Chucky as he tried to get that... chair!... unstuck from his butt!  That's it!  Yeah, it was pretty funny watchin' you chase that chicken around because you thought you needed its feather.  Turns out, the voodoo lily is all ya really need to make a solvent for whacky-glue.  Heh!... heh...huuu..."

"Alright, fine!  I guess I deserve that," Vick replied sharply buying the lie.

Lydia narrowed her eyes at B.J. and he just shook his head pleadingly.  "Well, I'm... very disappointed in you, Beej.  That wasn't funny to poor father.  He had to throw away his favorite pair of pants after that.  You should be ashamed of yourself," she played along.  A noticeable look of relief overcame Beetlejuice as he gave her a self gratified simper.

"I'm pretty rotten, huh?"

"More than you realize, Beej..."

"So... are you going to kick my ass now??" Vick approached with caution oblivious to their subtle exchange of understanding.  "Lyddi did say you would be out for revenge."

"Don't you worry that pretty head of yours, Vicky-boy.  I'm not mad," he began luring Vick into a sense of security.

"You're-You're not?"

"Nah, that was even better than the soap bucket!  I'm not mad or angry."  'I'm fuckin' furious!'  "So, as a show of good faith, I made ya a sandwich.  Ya must be pretty hungry again after that fool's errand."  He passed him a freshly made ham and cheese sandwich from the backpack.

"When did you have time to make a sandwich?" Lydia asked in disbelief.

"Babes, don't question a man about his sandwich makin' skills.  We men love our sandwiches, right Vick?!"

"I suppose...  I am kinda hungry after hiking all over this place for that flower, those rocks, and a non-existent chicken feather.  But, I would truly be a fool to trust this sandwich!  I'm not stupid."

"Fine...  Babes!  Make the man a sandwich!"

"Excuse you?!" she sassed in return to the demand.

"Ya heard me.  He doesn't trust my sandwich, so be a darlin' and make your man a sandwich.  Why, look at 'im!  Poor guy's famished!"

"Oh-no.  _You_ have somethin' up your sleeve, Beej.  I have a feeling that it doesn't matter _what_ I feed Vick.  He's going to end up suffering from it."

"Aw, Lyds!  That's downright hurtful!  It's _me_ we're talkin' about."

"That's the part that bothers me, BJ..."

"Okay, I promise on Beetlescout's honor that whatever you give him will not make him sick, it won't kill him, and it won't turn him into some Neither beast.  I promise."  Lydia just rolled her eyes and fixed Vick another sandwich.  'Too bad I wasn't a Beetlescout...'

"You really don't have to, Lyddi.  I can wait until we're home to eat something," Vick insisted.

"It's not a big deal.  It just makes inventory lighter for me.  I honestly don't mind making you a sandwich.  I just didn't appreciate BJ _demanding_ it of me."  She narrowed her eyes at him as she handed Vick a napkin wrapped ham and cheese sandwich.

"Hey!  There's no greater expression of affection than a woman makin' her man a sandwich," he retaliated sticking his nose in the air dramatically and turning away.

"Beej is a little old fashioned sometimes.  Just overlook him.  Besides, it's not like I have _never_ made you a sandwich."

Vick sighed and took a bite out of the little square.  Without turning around, Beetlejuice grinned deviously as he consumed the entire thing.  'Just you wait, Prick.  I shall have my revenge yet!  Speakin' of pricks... heheh!' B.J. reveled in his mind.  Soon, evening was upon them and Lydia was ready to venture home.  B.J. took them to Doomie and then to the Roadhouse where she and Vick parted for the overworld.

"What a day!" Vick breathed flopping on Lydia's old bed.  "I'll tell you one thing!  That guy knows how to turn even the most peaceful day into an adventure."

"Yeah, Beej has always been good at that.  It's never a dull moment with him around," she conceded.  "I'm exhausted, but all-in-all it was a pretty good day.  He behaved himself for the most part.  Heehee!  And so did _you_.  Gluing his mouth shut was a risky move on your part.  I'm surprised he didn't try to roast you over a spit!"

"Hey, speaking of behaving... you're parents aren't home at the moment.  I don't see their car in the driveway.  What do you say about _mis_ behaving for a while?  Huh-huh?" Vick insinuated with a wiggle of his dark eyebrows pulling Lydia closer to him.  He spun her around and threw them both to the bed shaking it in the process.

"Vick!  I don't have a clue where they went or when they'll return!"

"No worries.  I'll just lock the door and we'll stay quiet.  Let's make a game of it," he whispered in her ear nipping the lobe.  His hands started wandering up her thighs leisurely hiking the skirt she wore until his hands were on her hips.  Vick trailed kisses from her ear to her neck, down to her clavicle, and back up to her mouth taking care to unbutton her top and shimmy her tank top over her head.  Wrapping his arms around her tiny frame, he proceeded to suggestively rock his hips into hers while searching for the clasp on her bra.

"Vick," she whimpered as he moved to her neck once more.

"Yeah," his hot breath swept across her neck.

"Something's _amiss_."

Vick paused and propped himself over her on his hands.  "What do you mean by 'amiss'?"

"Check for yourself.  Surely I didn't notice before _you_ did."

"I'll... I'll be right back..."  Hastily, he readjusted his belt on the off chance Lydia's parents came home.  "What the fuck!?!" she heard him scream from the bathroom.  "Lydia?!  Something's wrong with my-"

"-I know!!  And, I bet I know what happened!"

"What happened to him!?!  Do I need to go to the hospital?!?  Come on-come on!  Wake up, dude!!"

"No, honey!  I'll give you three guesses as to why you're suddenly impotent."

"GAAH!!  I'm going to exorcise that demon _right now!!_   He's a dead dead man!!  I _knew_ there was something funny about that sandwich!!  I knew it!!!"  Vick came barrelling through the door, grabbed the Handbook for the Recently Deceased from the shelf, and began flipping through pages.

"Now hold on a moment!!  Stop that!  It's only temporary, dear.  You'll be fine by morning."  Lydia yanked the book from Vick's hands and tucked it in her arms.  "You are _not_ exorcising my friend over a harmless prank.  Why don't you take a nice hot shower and try to sweat the herb out of your system?  Maybe tomorrow we can have some fun after Mom's party.  Maybe I can give you an early Christmas present?"

"I suppose," Vick growled in frustration.  "I can't believe you're defending him, yet again."

"You _did_ glue his mouth shut, dear.  I warned you that he was a master at revenge and pranks.  You have no one to blame but yourself.  Now, go wash off because I need a shower when you're done."  A grouchy Victor exited the bedroom with a towel in hand and closed the bathroom door behind him.  The moment Lydia heard the pipes hiss, she threw on her robe and called in a "tsk" inflection, "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice."

"Hey, babes.  How's it goin'?" he asked in a perky tone from inside her mirror.

"Beej.  Did you put voodoo lily paste in that sandwich I fed Vick?"

" _Me??_   NO!  Puh!-Hmph!  Why would I do a somethin' so?-Okay, yeah, it was me.  I put voodoo lily paste on  _all_ the bread while you were distracted with collectin' water.  Did he figure it out?!  What was the look on his face like when he couldn't get his little soldier to march!?  Bwahahaha!"

"BJ, that was mean!  I hope you're happy!  Vick and I haven't-haven't... oooh!  We haven't done a damn _thing_ since we've been here.  Not one night!"  Beetlejuice only gave a little snort as he covered his mouth to hide his "oh-shit" face.  "That's fine, Beej.  Laugh it up now since you won't be laughing when you realize that Vick wasn't the only one hoodooed tonight.  I had a feeling you would pull a stunt like this _and_ I still had my own revenge to seek."  She gave him a cool smirk and arched a brow while folding her arms across her chest.

"What did you do?"  His laughter ceased as his eyes grew wide.

"Remember that bottle of water you took from me?  Well, it wasn't open because I was drinking from it.  I decided to spoil your fun for the night.  Good luck picking up one of your hussies without your magic wand."  She gave him a facetious wink before waving goodbye.

"You're fuckin' _kidding_ me, right?!  Please tell me ya didn't, Lyds!!"

"If I can't have any fun tonight, then neither. can. _you_.  Goodnight, Beej.  I shall see you tomorrow at Delia's Christmas Eve party."

"C'mon, Lydia!  How could ya do this to me!?"

"Consider it payback for soaking me earlier and a preemptive move knowing you would do something to Vick before the night was over.  Enjoy your gummy worm.  'Bye!"  She draped a blanket over the mirror to indicate she was through with their conversation.

"No-wait!  Lyds!  Wait!!  Damn.  Grrr...  'Night, babes..."  Beetlejuice went back to his room stepping through his own mirror.  "Damn!  She got me in the end after all.  I told him she would get us both before the night was over."  He sat on the edge of his bed and a toothy grin crept across his face.  "Heh, guess I taught her a little _too_ well.  Pickin' up a random gal tonight wasn't even on my agenda, _however_... if it makes Lyds happy to think she ruined my night, then who am I to spoil it for her?"  He didn't even bother to change his clothes before climbing under his blankets.  It was early for him to retire but he had woken up early that morning as well, so he felt it equal to call it an early night.  As his head settled into his grimy pillow, thoughts of Lydia filled it causing his heart to beam in a way it never had before her.  A happy feeling overcame him when he decided tomorrow would be the day he would finally confess.  He was convinced down in his heart that she could never feel the same about a guy like him, yet he wasn't about to let it stop him from trying just the same.  Tomorrow, Lydia would finally know the truth and he would have an idea of where she stood in the situation.  Tomorrow, he would finally know where they stood together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my longest chapters yet! I think of all my stories posted... I hope you enjoyed some shady pranks. Also, it's really hard to setup the feel of chemistry between two people when one's significant other is right around the corner and when that one doesn't realize what it is she's feeling.  
> Song of inspiration:  
> "We've been friends for a long, long time,  
> You tell me your secrets and I tell you mine,  
> She's left you all alone and you feel like no one cares,  
> But I have never failed you, I've always been there,  
> You tell your story, it sounds a bit like mine,  
> It's the same old situation, it happens every time,  
> Can't we see oh maybe you and me,  
> Is what's meant to be,  
> Or do we disagree?  
> What if I told you - (what if I said)  
> That I loved you?  
> How would you feel?  
> What would you think?  
> What would we do?  
> Do we dare cross that line,  
> Between your heart and mine?  
> Or would I lose a friend?  
> Or find a love that would never end?  
> What if I said  
> She doesn't love you?  
> Oh it's plain to see,  
> I can read between the lines of what your telling me,  
> And he doesn't hold you the way a woman should be held,  
> How long can I go on keeping these feelings to myself?  
> What if I told you - (what if I said)  
> That I loved you?  
> How would you feel?  
> What would you think?  
> What would we do?  
> Do we dare cross that line,  
> Between your heart and mine?  
> Or would I lose a friend?  
> Or find a love that would never end?  
> What if I said  
> Oh we've both had our share of loneliness,  
> So who's to say we can't have a little happiness?  
> And if I found that in you,  
> It would make my dreams come true?  
> Or would you walk away?  
> Hear what I have to say,  
> What if I told you - (what if I said)  
> That I loved you?  
> How would you feel?  
> What would you think?  
> What would we do?  
> Oh do we dare cross that line,  
> Between your heart and mine?  
> I've always wondered,  
> From that day that we met,  
> What if I said?" -- What If I Told You/What If I Said - Anita Cochran & Steve Wariner


	8. The F(r)ight before Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Christmas Eve party is finally here, but will B.J. find it in him to tell Lydia how he feels? Or is her love for Victor Black a true, undying love? There may be a surprise awaiting our ghost with the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What fun was the last chapter with its antics and the two boys taking shots at each other? I actually had fun writing it and my husband loved the gummy worm joke so much that I titled the chapter that for him. ^·^ Well, there was one failed attempt so it wasn't the right time I suppose. Let's see what happens on the second atttempt.

Setting up for the party had been a daunting task.  Lydia and Victor were hard at work since the twilight hours rearranging the entire living room and decorating the house for Delia.  Vick even gave Charles a hand with synchronizing the Christmas tree lights to the caroling music that echoed throughout the house.  Delia had been on pins and needles preparing her latest sculpture by decorating it with glittering ornaments and tinsel.  "Mom, is... is that...?  Please don't tell me you made a sculpture of B.J.'s carousel hat for a Christmas display," Lydia pleaded incredulously.

 "I  _did_!" Delia answered in an overzealous yet genuinely sweet voice.  "Except I added a few of my own artistic modifications like a Santa beard and hat to the skull button, I painted holly leaves and berries along the brim instead of bats and changed the colors from black and white to red, green, and white."

"I see the bat on top didn't change."

"I like the bat.  It makes the grinning skull  and bizarre mobile figures seem as if they belong.  I really should thank your friend, Lydia.  He has served as a muse for years now and a pathway around my artistic walls."

"Well, it looks as if each passing year brings you closer and closer to celebrating a second Halloween like I've begged for since we first met."

Delia whipped her nose into the air and warned, "Don't be _too_  enthusiastic on that.  I don't see me ever giving up this soiree.  It's one of the few times a year this backwater neighborhood has the opportunity to experience any type of culture."

A flat smirk formed on the corner of Lydia's mouth as she quickly rolled her eyes and continued hanging mistletoe over all the heavy traffic doorways.  After four taxing hours, the house was ready for show and Lydia was free to prepare herself for the evening.  She showered and toweled down before retreating to her old bedroom.  First came her hair as she painstakingly curled it alternating between a hot iron and hair spray.  It took almost an entire bottle of spray but Lydia was overall satisfied with the soft ringlets that framed her pallid face.  She swept a piece of her hair to the opposite side and fastened a blood-red rose clip just above her ear holding a strand in place.  Next was her dress.  Carefully, Lydia stepped into a black, strapless A-line dress with a tulle skirt.  It was a simple design with intricate white lace that covered the bodice and formed sleeves that ended at her elbows.  Her pearlescent white flats were a perfect match and the pearl earrings Vick had bought her for their anniversary pulled the outfit together.

Finally, she moved on to her makeup which consisted of her signature smokey purple and pink eye shadows and crimson lips outlined in black.  This had been her favorite since she was old enough to wear makeup and it was definitely working for her tonight.  Lydia stood back from the vanity mirror and inhaled audibly.  "Beetlejuice..." she exhaled.  "Beetlejuice."  She added a bit more confidence in her tone.

"Babes!" rang Beetlejuice's disembodied voice.  "Before you lay that final magic 'B' word on me, gimme another hour or so.  I slept like the dead and just woke up."  His face appeared on her spider broach sitting on her vanity.  "Hey, how's it goin'?"  His jaw nearly unhinged seeing her completely dressed up.  He was rendered speechless but not from super glue this time.  Lydia seemed to pay his ogling no mind as she primped in the mirror.  'She's  _gorgeous!_ ' he screamed in his head.  'I've never seen her this dolled up before!  What do I do?!  What do I  _wear_??'  Instantly, his heart sank when he remembered she was dressed up for another man.  His expression also dropped as if his heart was anchored to his face.

"You better hurry, Beej.  The party starts at six and it's already after four."

"Yeah...  sure..."

Hearing the brood in his voice, she tilted her head down and asked, "Is something wrong, Beej?"

"No...  No, everything's... perfect."

"Perfect?  Perfectly... grotesque?  Disgusting?  Horrid??"

"No-no.  Just... perfect."  ' _You_  look perfect...' he continued in his thoughts only.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright, BJ?  You're acting weird, even for you.  You aren't planning on going against your word and dousing yourself with that cologne, are you?"

"Of course not!  I ain't changin' for anyone!  Might I make a small suggestion for  _you_  though?  Be right back!"  Beetlejuice disappeared and returned to her mirror a few minutes later with a voodoo lily on a long stem.  "This will suit ya much better than that rose.

"But the rose is a gift from-"

"Yeah-yeah, and you're allergic to roses.  So why even bother with a fake one?  The lily is real at least... just like you."  The depth of his words hitched her breath long enough to distract her from his hands.  Without bothering for permission, he reached through the mirror, took the silk rose from her hair, and dropped it onto the chest below him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Trust me.  It'll be an improvement."  B.J. intertwined the stem with many large strands pinning them to the side as he went.  Making sure to tuck the visible parts underneath the tendrils, he swept them to the opposite side giving her hair a more old fashioned look.  His fingers worked diligently to pin the flower in place fastening it with one of her bobbin pins at the gathering point just above her ear.  He braced his weight on the bottom of the mirror frame and glanced her over with narrowed eyes.  He poked his head from the frame going as far as the parameters would allow for a better view and continued tousling her inky curls pulling large strands so they cascaded down the front of her shoulders.  Pleased with his work he grinned and gave way for her reflection.  "There.  I dare ya to tell me that doesn't look better."

"Wow, Beej.  Where and when did you learn to do  _this_?  And  _why_??"

  "I watched Lans do it a couple of times before she'd leave.  Sometimes, she'd sleep too late and wouldn't have time to go home.  So, she would steal my clothes pinning and tying 'em up in places to make and outfit.  She'd grab a flower out of Monster's garden, tie it up in her hair, and slap on some face paint to make it work.  Never did return my red shirt... but I suppose I owe it to her for all she's done."

"Are you positive you don't have feelings for this girl?  You speak awful highly of her."  Lydia teased him with intent.

"Absolutely not.  I swear, babes, it's not her."

"Then who is it, BJ?  It's just us in here.  You can tell me."

"I'll tell ya later.  I gotta scat so I can get ready.  After all, I promised a certain mortal that I would b-b-b... b-b- _bathe_  for this party.  It might kill me a second time over, but I wanna keep my word to her.  Later, babes."  He popped a kiss on the side of her cheek before disappearing.

"Goodbye, Beej..."  Lydia sighed and admired B.J.'s handiwork in the mirror for a long period wondering why she didn't think to side-sweep her hair like he had.  She couldn't help but feel the lily was indeed an elegant touch and now fretted over what to tell Vick since he had bought the silk ornament just for her.  He had learned of her allergy to roses and bought her one she could always have and never worry about sneezing or swelling.  Yet, the lily was perfect with its twilight coloring and white flecks that made it look as if it fell out of the very heavens.  She smiled girlishly and stepped downstairs to finish helping Delia.

"What in the world do you have in your hair, Lyddi??" were the first words out of Vick's mouth on seeing the flower.

"This?  Beej found me a voodoo lily to wear.  What do you think?  It matches my dress rather well," she played off his frustration.

"I thought you wanted a rose in your hair for the party?"

I did, but-"

"-But you let him talk you out of it.  You let him persuade you into doing something against  _me_  yet again."  Vick sounded more heartbroken than angry.

"I didn't change my accessory to hurt your feelings, Vick.  I wish you wouldn't take such petty nuances to heart.  It's only a flower."

"I gave you that flower because you said you were allergic to roses and can never have them."

"Yes, and unlike this lily, that rose will never die.  Just like our love, it will remain eternal.  I'll have other chances to wear the rose but only one to wear the lily."

A contrived smile formed on Victor's face as he said, "Fine.  Do as you wish.  It is just a hairpiece, I suppose.  We'll be back in Cali after winter vacation anyway, where maybe things will resume as normal.  If you'll excuse me, Lyddi, I'm going to help your father with... something."  He promptly stepped away leaving Lydia in a whir of emotions.  She was angry that he stormed off, upset that such an irrelevant detail might ruin their night, sad on realizing anything Beetlejuice ever did would only be perceived as a slight in his eyes, and frustrated and fed up with their selfish rivalry.  The grudge they were holding for each other had to end before she went mad.

"Later," she breathed.  "We can all come to terms  _later._   Tonight is Mom's night and I will not let those two hot heads destroy it."  Lydia collected herself and continued putting the final touches on the living room decor.

The first of guests to arrive was surprisingly not Beetlejuice.  Opening the door, Lydia was greeted by Bertha and Prudence who caused a small commotion of excitement on entering.  Charles, Delia, and Lydia were all kept on their toes for the next hour as guests came pouring in out of the dismal cold and snow.  Delia's sister, Zepora, and brother-in-law, Danport, were next to arrive followed by Lydia's Uncle Clyde and Aunt May.  Before long, the entire house was bustling with chatter as caterers began setting out horderves.  Lydia moved from person to person conversing and playing the role of hostess while Delia and Charles entertained other guests.  She kept her eyes and ears alert for any sign of her friend.  Patiently she waited for a manifestation of him as a household object, insect on her shoulder, or an incorporeal whisper yet nothing came so far.

Another knock echoed from the front door and Lydia rushed to open it not wanting to leave anyone out in the cold too long.  She nearly slammed the door when she found Claire's conceited face waiting on the other side.  "Heellooo, Lydia," she said with disinterest while examining her freshly polished nails.

"What are you doing here, Claire?" Lydia asked flatly.

"I told you once.  Daddy has, like, some business or something to, like, discuss with your father - or whatever."

"Okay, but what are  _you_  doing here?"

"I came to check out the party so I would have something totally lame to gossip about with my friends at Yale when I go back.  So, are you, like, going to let me in?  Or are you going to, like, turn me into a frozen corpse or some junk?"

"Oh, yeah...  Come in.  Where's your dad anyway?"

"He's in the car on the phone with some important executive from his work or something," Claire replied shrugging off her white fur coat and dropping it on the floor.  Vick caught the look of distress on Lydia's face and hurried over to alleviate some of the tension.

"Please, Lyddi, I'll take care of her coat," he spoke with clear insistence.

"Why, thank you, dear," she sighed in relief seeing him and handed over the fur.

"Why, Lydia!  Your fiance is, like, a total gentleman!  How ever did you manage to hook such a man?"

"It wasn't hard, Claire," Lydia mumbled rolling her eyes at the Prima Donna.

"I mean, a man  _that_  prefect should totally be with someone equally as perfect like yours truly."  The bleached blonde was beginning to grate on Lydia's nerves.  Here Claire stood in  _Lydia's_  house, with her frilly over-the-top pink dress and lecherously eyeing  _her_  fiance.  Then she had the audacity to insult her!  She was just about to tell Ms. Brewster exactly what she thought when a familiar voice whispered in her ear.

"Take it easy, babes," the welcomed voice tickled her ear.  "Heh, I thought I smelled somethin' foul 'Brew'-stering."

"Beej!  How did you...?  You know... make it here?" Lydia exclaimed throwing her arms around him.

"Vick sent for me," Beetlejuice answered casually taking a glass of blood red wine from a passing tray.

'Awe.  Maybe I was too harsh with him earlier...'

"Ew, like  _this_  is who  _I_  thought you would end up marrying.  I mean, I can't believe you  _totally_  still hang out with this sleaze," Claire interrupted their moment.

"Be-  _Mr. Beetleman_  has been a long time family friend and a damn good handyman.  Why wouldn't I be excited to see him after being away for so long?"

"Well, at least he isn't all sweaty and gross like he usually is."

'You would be sweaty and gross too if you weren't hermetically sealed under three inches of makeup and spray tan...' B.J. countered in his mind as he grumpily sipped the Cabernet.

Lydia balled her fists and replied through clenched teeth, "Of course he isn't.  Being sweaty is what happens after an honest day of hard work.  But, you wouldn't know about either of those things, would you?"  B.J. had to pin his tongue to the roof of his mouth to keep from laughing.  What was Lydia talking about?  He had been swindling her parents for years!  Sure, they knew he used his powers to work around the house, but they didn't know how much he relied on his "juice".  He charged less than a certified carpenter or plumber and he still could have charged a whole lot less for the actual work put in.

"Ugh, 'work' is such a dirty word..."  For once, Beetlejuice agreed with Claire!  "Work"  _was_  a dirty word and not the fun kind.

"Yeah?  Well, it pays more than lying on your back."

A chorus of gasps could be heard as Vick, Bertha, and Prudence gathered around to witness the tiff.  "You take that back you fucking freakazoid!  Hmph!  Well, at least I, like, didn't date Alex Letterman in high school.  Remember him?  He was the one we always called 'nose picker, booger flicker' in elementary school."  Claire crossed her arms and flashed a smug grin.  On hearing this, B.J. made a fist and cupped the hollow to his mouth in order to prevent himself from spewing alcohol all over Lydia's back.

"I didn't know him back then!  He was always such a nice guy...  It still beats sleeping with my ex's best friend in revenge for being dumped in favor of Stacy Lindenberger."  Bertha and Prudence let out another gasp in unison and turned to Claire.

"You bitch!!  Take that back!!  Well-well, at least I wasn't voted most likely to commit suicide in a cemetery!"

"Better than being voted most likely to end up dancing on a pole for tips..."

"Fuck you, Deetz!!  At least I didn't skip class to screw the handyman while my parents weren't home!!"  Beetlejuice turned a crimson color as his eyes widened in horror.  He waited with immense anticipation for Lydia's reaction while nervously guzzling the rest of his drink.

To everyone's surprise, she remained calm and collected.  Without missing a beat she stated aloofly, "You see,  _Claire_ , the difference between my accusations and yours is that mine are actually true.  I don't need to resort to fabricating stories in order to outdo you.  The facts are enough.  Now, unless you would like for me to dig out the yearbooks and show everyone what our peers  _actually_  thought about you, I suggest we end this.  Besides, I don't think we have enough time to go over all the pages anyway.  Also, I would hate for your egocentricity to ruin another event someone else has worked hard for.  Because that's what you do, you know.  All you do is  _destroy_  things other people have worked for like a plague among humanity consuming any snippet of morality as you go."  It was Lydia's turn to cross her arms except it was a cold and dominant manner.  She obviously had the upper hand in this standoff since Claire was now drowning for something to retaliate with.  When the ability to form words failed her, Lydia continued in her place.  "Oh, yeah, and even if I  _did_  screw the handyman, at least there's actually porn readily available of women banging the 'sweaty' handyman.  As far as I know, there's not much of a market for men screwing plastic blowup dolls lying there expressionless and expecting someone else to do all the work.  That's just so you, isn't it?  Expecting  _someone else_  to do the work."

That half of room fell silent as Claire stood slack-jawed for what to say.  After a long pause of her floundering, two voices simultaneously could be heard shouting, "BURN!!"  Vick and Beetlejuice shot surprised glances at each other on hearing the other making the same snide remark.

"I'm telling Daddy!  And when he hears about how you've humiliated me, he will, like, so cancel this expensive real estate deal he has going on with  _your_  dad!!  I hope you enjoyed your little victory because, when I'm done, your family will need to leave Peaceful Pines just to, like, make  _any_  kind of living!" Claire yelled as she ran out the door crying.

"Lydia, that was-that was-" Bertha stumbled.

"-Savage!" Prudence finished.  "I have never seen you unleash yourself on Claire like that!  How did it feel?"

"Honestly, it's not how I wanted this to go but she just kept  _picking_.  She's been picking since I moved here and even now after I left for college in a completely different region of the country.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I mean, how shallow and petty do you have to be to show up at someone's house, hit on their fiance, and insult them and their friends to their face?  I have had  _enough_ ," Lydia answered with a timbre in her voice.

"Lyddi, what about your father's deal?  Weren't you afraid of causing him to miss out on this opportunity?  This is a lot of money blown from what he's told me," Vick chimed in.

"No, I'm not the least bit concerned.  Mr. Brewster didn't become wealthy by walking out on key deals like this one.  He's a tactical business man with a wise business practice.  I don't see a few harsh words between his daughter and someone irrelevant to this deal being a factor in his decisions.  I bet he'll be walking through that door any second now."  It wasn't even five minutes later when a knock sounded from the front door and screeching tires could be heard pulling out of the sloped driveway.  Lydia answered the call to see Mr. Brewster as predicted.  She welcomed him in and he immediately went to find her father shaking his hand.  Charles greeted him and excused himself as they left for his office upstairs to finish the big contract.  "See?  I told you he was a smart man.  Ugh!  I still can't believe the nerve of her."

"Well, it's all over now.  Don't let her bad attitude stand in the way of this nice evening," Vick tried to console her.

"Besides babes, you won anyway.  I never knew you had it in ya," Beetlejuice added draping his arm over her shoulder in triumph.

"No, don't praise what I just did," she said shrugging his arm off.  "What I did to her was unacceptable, but I wasn't about to let her walk over me in my own home.  I'm sorry everyone had to see that."

"I'm not sorry!" Bertha laughed.  "Claire had it coming for a long time."  Bertha gave Lydia a big hug quickly joined by Prudence and Vick.  The comfort of her friends made her feel a little more chipper about the situation.

Soon she was face to face with B.J. who she just noticed was dressed in an all white suite with a black tie and white boots.  His hair was clean for once and slicked back in a kempt manner.  In addition, his teeth were no longer caked in mold and bugs, his fingernails were actually visible instead of covered in grime, and he smelled normal.  Lydia was impressed he went through such lengths to keep his word.  " _Beej!_   You look great!  Are you  _sure_  you didn't spray that New-U cologne?"

"I swear, babes!  You're starin' at the genuine article!  It's all me.  Besides, I'm way better than that stuffy other me!"

"I agree.  Thank you for cleaning up.  I owe you big time for this.  Name your price, BJ, and I'll pay you back tenfold."

"As tempting as that sounds, this one's on the house.  Consider it a favor, babes.  Now, when will ol' Chuckwagon be back?  I wanna scare him out of his skin once for old time's sake!"

"Beej, leave my poor father  _alone_.  I want you to behave one more night.  Please?"

"Grrr... Have it your way..."  Little did she know, he didn't intend on behaving all that well.  'I gotta get my kicks  _somewhere_  and what better place than with Lydia's parents!  Ahahaha!!'

As the night carried on, Beetlejuice hovered around Lydia as much as he could feeling out of place among the mortals in their fancy dress and proper mannerisms.  So, he did what he knew best.  He threw back glass after glass of Merlo, cabernet, pinot noir, and anything else floating around on the catering trays.  For the moments that beckoned his favorite mortal away, he stuck with Bertha and Prudence who at least knew what he really was.  At one point, Delia called him over to a small crowd admiring her latest masterpiece.  "There you are, Mr. Beetleman!  Oh, you must have a look at the sculpture I finished for this party.  I have a feeling you'll find it rather familiar," she grinned urging him to the other side of the house.

Reluctantly, he followed her with a few others into her workshop where the rendition of his carousel hat stood proudly on display.  B.J. couldn't believe his eyes.  A toothy, childish smirk curled up on the corner of his cheek as he said, "What a sculpture!  I like it!  Ya know, Dee, I can make ya one just like it."

"That's quite alright, Mr. Beetleman.  The sculpture is enough.  It's not the only one inspired by you, though.  I'll need to show you my others sometime.  Anyway, I thought you would appreciate this one."

"Does the mobile work?"

"Work?  As in move?  No, I'm afraid it's stationery.  It would have taken far too much to make it into a functioning mobile."

"Dee!  Look at who you're talking to.  Am I, or am I not, the best electrician in Peaceful Pines?"

"Must I answer that?"  Delia crossed her arms and arched her brow at him.  Her stance and body language reminded him too much of Lydia.

"Lemme shake up the juice and see what comes loose," he whispered snapping his fingers to make the mobile come alive.  The grinding of stone on stone hissed as the umbrella of the hat started to rotate slowly.  He grinned mischievously as the other guests shrieked in surprise.  'Score one scare for me!  Unintentional or not...'

"Delia!  You're statue began moving on its own!" Zepora exclaimed.

"Yeah...  It was supposed to do that!  Right.  I had my trusted handyman, Mr. Beetleman, fix it real quick.  Mr. Beetleman, this is my sister Zepora.  Zepora, meet Mr. Beetleman."

"Just call me BJ," he told her pulling his hand out of his pants pocket.  When he shook her hand, a buzzing sound came from between them at the same time Delia's sister yelped again.  "Heheh!  My electrician skills are...  _shocking_  to say the least!  I got 99 problems but a switch ain't one.  Ha!"  He held up his palm to reveal a buzzer while grinning like an idiot.

"He's also a fan of practical jokes," Delia continued already irritated with B.J.'s antics.

"I prefer impractical jokes myself," Beetlejuice chuckled.

"Alright, Mr. Beetleman, that will be all.  Thank you for taking a moment to look at the sculpture.  Go enjoy the party..."  He waved without looking back as he went to rejoin the main crowd.  In the living room, he saw Lydia and Vick sharing a dance to a jazzy Christmas tune.  It sounded like a version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" but he couldn't be sure since Christmas wasn't exactly his favorite holiday.  He grabbed a glass of wine from a passing tray and leaned against the wall that connected to the kitchen.  His chest was filled with a bitterness he knew all too well as he watched them glide across the floor and spin in step with the beat.  "You're in love with her, aren't you?" Delia's voice nearly made him jump out of his ectoplasm.  She approached from behind plucking a glass of champaign as another waiter moved past them.

"What?!  No??  Who?  Lyds??  Nah!  I was-I was, uh, just admiring all the work I've put into this place."  His heart thumped uncontrollably as he lied.  "As much as I've done to it, it should be on the cover of some magazine; maybe one featuring houses and yards with nice gardens..."

"Don't lie to me, BJ.  I can call you BJ, right?  It might as well be written on your face.  The thousand yard stare, the sparkle in your eyes when you see her, the jealousy seething out over her fiance.  It's all plain as day and you're not doing a great job at hiding it."

"It's that Obvious, eh?  Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much already."

"It's painfully obvious.  What do you suppose prompted me to say something?  Listen and listen carefully.  You are definitely not mine and Charles' cup of tea.  You're the complete opposite of our dear Lydia and not at all someone we ever pictured her with whereas Vick is a perfect match."  A slow burning anger began to swell in B.J. until she continued.  " _However_ , we appreciate everything you've done for us regarding this house and being a true friend to our daughter.  She thinks the world of you and you have always protected her, and us at times, on your insane adventures back in your world.  You might not want to hear it, but you have a kinder heart than you let on.  Aside from our very first encounters, you've been wonderful for Lydia so you have our blessing should you decide to try your hand at wooing her away from Victor."

"Ya mean if Lyds chose me over pretty boy out there, ya wouldn't be angry or disappointed?"

Hearing the skepticism in his voice, Delia replied, "Lydia is a smart, strong, independent woman who's more than capable of making wise decisions.  If she chose you, then I have faith in her judgement.  Vick is nice and will take care of her.  You're someone who can provide her with so much more.  As much as I hate to admit it, you're a better match for her even with your differences.  But... whatever you plan on doing, you better hurry before she's taken permanently."  Delia patted him on the shoulder leaving him with that load before stepping away to visit others.  With a heavy sigh, he watched the two as the song came to its end.  Once it faded, Delia stood in the middle of the room and spoke above everyone.  "Everyone!  May I have your attention for a moment?  This next song is not Christmas themed, I know!  But!  I would like to play it as per tradition for two honored guests who can't be here tonight.  Everyone, let's dance!"  The party cheered as "The Banana Boat Song" crackled over the antique speakers.  He continued watching Lydia teach Vick the steps while her parents reenacted the same dance from the possessed dinner almost a decade ago.

"Come on, BJ.  You can't sit it out all night," Bertha encouraged as both she and Prudence tugged on his arms.

"Besides, we have to discuss our plan with you," Prudence added.

"'Kay, but I gotta do somethin' with these two left feet first," he teased holding out his mismatched right foot."

"Knock it off, BJ.  We know you can dance."  Once they had him on the floor, he began dancing calypso like no one was watching.

"Okay," Bertha tried to speak quietly, "when this song is over, you'll ask Lydia to dance the next one.  Don't worry about the choice of song; we already have that figured out.  When the song ends, we'll distract Vick so you can drag Lydia away from everyone and finally tell her your true feelings!  Are you ready?"

"Not particularly..."

"Great!  Go!  We have your back!"

'Sooo reassuring,' he grumped to himself.  Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he sauntered over to Lydia who was still showing Vick the different steps.  "Babes!" he called to her putting on the charm.  She turned to him with a smile still dancing.

"Hey, Beej!  Having fun?" she asked just as Vick grabbed her hand to spin her even though the music had stopped.

"It would be more fun if ya let me spike the eggnog."  He held out a handful tacks and laughed in his cackling voice.

"Beej, you promised.  Now, put those away."

"Way to 'nail' me on the fun, Lyds..."

"I have to lay the 'hammer' down sometimes in order to 'drive' the point home, Beej."

"If I can't have  _any_  fun, than this night is 'screwed'.  Heheh!"

"I hate to throw a 'wrench' in your plans, but you ruin Mom's big night and you  _will_  be screwed."

"C'mon, babes!  Ya can't 'horderv' me around like this all the time."

"Oh, stop your 'wine'-ing, BJ.  It's almost Christmas!  Have a heart and keep your jokes to yourself tonight."

'That's hard for me to do when you already have my heart, babes,' he pined.  "Tell ya what.  I'll forget all about the pranks if I can steal ya for this next dance."  His bargain was fair to Lydia especially when she heard her favorite song crank up.

"Deal!" she squealed yanking his hand to the middle of the floor.  "Let's show them how it's done, Beej!  Do you remember the steps?!"

"How could I forget, babes?!"  The lyrics poured out of the speakers and the two danced a Samba number that they had rehearsed for years.  It was more personal than any performance that would pass with judges, but they never cared about keeping score.  They began side by side stepping in rhythm to the music until the first words came through the mesh.  The skirt of Lydia's dress flared as Beetlejuice spun her to face him and they stepped in time in a single fluidity that left the crowd in awe.  Everyone gathered in a circle while their legs practically floated to the ballad of Henry's "Senora".  During specific parts of the chorus, B.J. would skillfully turn his partner on her heels and pull her to him at which point they would perform the steps in unison with Lydia facing away from him until the next verse.  Then, in perfect timing, he would spin her out, catch her hand, and move around her or slide her under him and pick her back up.  They moved as if they had done this a thousand times and, to be fair, Victor felt they may have.

The music seemed to last and eternity, and the crowd could have swore neither of their feet were touching the ground at some moments.  With Beetlejuice taking the lead, that might not have been an illusion.  On the final note, Lydia took a running leap and landed sideways in one of his arms while she held her body completely parallel to the floor and braced her arm around his neck for support.  His other arm was held out to mirror her outstretched arm as if to say "ta-da!" without words.  An uproar spread over the entire house.  Everyone applauded except for a lone Victor Black who stood dumbfounded and lost.  The second he found his legs and went to speak with Lydia Bertha and Prudence intercepted distracting him with their praise of the performance and a bombardment of questions.  This gave Beetlejuice just enough time to disappear in a cloud of green smoke, with Lydia in tow, to the sunbathing porch outside.  By the time Vick broke away from the giddy pair, they were gone.

Outside and away from everyone, the bitter cold howled through the nearby trees.  "B-B-Beej, why are w-we out he-e-ere," her teeth chattered from the shivering.  Immediately, B.J. removed his coat and threw it around her.  "Th-Thanks."

"Sorry, babes, wasn't thinkin'," he scratched his head pondering what made him decide to take them to the landing.  "Look at this view, though!  It's like my head after a good couple of months without bathin'!  Heh!"  Lydia faced the driveway with her friends and clamored to him for warmth.  "I know it's freezin', but I brought ya out here in particular for privacy.  I wanted to talk to ya away from the crowd..."

"And away from Vick?" she asked rhetorically already knowing the answer.

"I said everyone, didn't I?"  B.J. leaned against the partition and pulled Lydia to him so she wasn't in the cross-breeze.  He enveloped her with both arms to keep her somewhat warm.  "Babes, we sure make quite the team.  Did ya hear that applause?!  We really knocked 'em dead!  Know what I mean?"

"Alright, my polter-'guest', you didn't bring me out in the harsh winter to brag.  What's on your mind, Beej?"

'Damn, she saw right through me,' he gulped.  "Lyds," he paused to take both of her hands and began fidgeting with her fingers.  Her hands were soft and delicate just as they always had been.  He stared down as he began to speak.  "I've been keepin' something from ya and I've been told, by everyone, that I should say it.  What you're about to hear ain't easy for me to say and I'm not much for words so..."  In his second pause, he looked up to face her as his head remained stationery.  A deep breath filled his lungs.  "Lydia, I-"

"There you are!" Vick barked rushing through the glass door that led to the patio.

" _Vick!  Hi!_ _How's it goin'?!"_   B.J. snapped his head to him with an obvious glare.

He paid no heed to the angry ghost who's eyes were now a smoldering green.  "What the he'll was that?!" he demanded walking right up to Lydia.

"What do you mean?" she asked uncertain as to why he was so bothered.

"You know  _damn_  well what I mean!  The way you two danced - I didn't appreciate it!  Not one bit!"

"What was wrong with it??-"

"Well, I don't appreciate the way you're speakin' to Lydia right now!" Beetlejuice interrupted hotly and stepped between the two.

"This is none of your damn business!" Vick shouted in his face.

"Oh, I beg to differ."  He spoke calmly but his body language told differently.

"Beej, move.  I can handle this.  Thank you," Lydia told him with a reassuring pay on his arm.  "Go wait inside for me, please."  Never taking his scowl off Vick, he disappeared but only to the perceptive eye.  Lydia knew he was still listening yet it strangely didn't bother her.  "What's wrong, Vick?  What was the problem with the Samba we did?"

"I don't know; it just seemed inappropriate!  You were way too close to each other for my liking.  I mean, you seemed all too comfortable with the way he was all over you. - and you him!"

"Yet again, yes.  I am comfortable because we've performed that dance so many times that I  _still_  know it by heart.  It's not the first time we've danced together.  You know?  And that's something BJ is quite good at, dancing I mean.  He's actually the one who taught me how to dance.  I wish I knew why you two were so headstrong jealous over each other so I could fix it."

"Because, he's in love with you, Lydia!  Do you not see it in his every attempt to steal you away or keep us separated?  Don't you see how possessive he is over someone who's not even his to claim?"

Lydia bursted laughing all of a sudden.  "Don't be ridiculous, Vick.  BJ doesn't have those kinds of feelings towards me.  He's my friend."

"Are you really that blind to it, Lyddi?  How do you not see it?!  I mean, he already tried to marry you once!"  Victor gasped realizing what he just said and covered his mouth in shame.

"I never told you that," Lydia said breathlessly.  "BJ told you??  Without asking me?!   _Beetlejuice!!_ "  Her shock quickly turned to hurt.

"Uh-uh!  You said to only come if ya called me tw-" his voice echoed through the wind.

"NOW!"

"Yes, ma'am!!"  He apparated before her with a contrite smile.

"Looks like your friend isn't as trustworthy as you once thought," Vick snubbed his nose.

"Can it, Victor," Lydia snapped.  "Why did you tell him that story?!  I haven't told anyone that story!"

"It was a long time ago.  I didn't think it mattered anymore.  At least, I didn't  _think_  it still bothered ya...  Have ya been harboring ill feelin's this whole time??"

"No!  That's not why I haven't told anyone.  I haven't told anyone because I'm embarrassed that I was so foolishly gullible; gullible enough to make such a deal."

"Ahahaha!  Is that all?  Babes, you were worried about your friends.  Ya shouldn't be embarrassed about that."

"This is exactly what I have been telling you all along!!" Vick shouted.  "He's taking the focus off of me and our quarrel so he can be the center of your attention!  He's thwarting me at our every turn!"

"Face it, pal!  You've been measured and were found wantin'.  You don't hold a candle to me even on my worst day."

"When will it sink into your thick skull that your opinion of me needs not apply?!  All I care about is Lydia!  That's why I tried to get to know you in the first place!  If it weren't for her, I would have came back after you knocked my lights out!"

"Wait-What?!  When did you punch him?!" Lydia cut in directing her question to Beetlejuice.

"Don't worry about him, babes.  He got me back with two right hooks of his own.  Good thing he's a little bitch or it might have actually hurt," he answered keeping his intense glare on Vick.

"You two  _fought?!_   And lied to me about it?  Of course you did.  What did I expect leaving you two alone?  Is there anything else I should know?  Any other  _secrets?_   Attempted murder perhaps?"

"I did save him from bein' eaten twice.  That wasn't a lie..."

"Listen,  _both_  of you, this has to stop.  You're going to push me until I'm forced to choose between my best friend and the love of my life.  I love you both so much.  But, Vick, I can't stop being friends with BJ because you have personal insecurities.-"

"Nor do I want you to, Lydia," Victor's voice came out more concerned.  "I don't want you to give up a friendship for me.  That's not fair.  I just don't want to be pushed out of the picture all the time."

"And, nor would you be.  I'm not marrying Beej, Vick!  I'm marrying  _you!"_

"True, yet by the way you act one might assume you're already married to him."

Both Lydia and Beetlejuice stood with their eyebrows arched in shock at such a claim.  "You know what?  I'm done for tonight.  This is so absurd.  Neither of you will listen to reason or resolve this peacefully.  You two want to tear each other apart?  Be my guest.  I'm going back to the party..."  Lydia stormed off wiping the tears from her eyes.  Fed up, she left the boys out in the cold.

"Look what you've done," Beetlejuice shamed Vick never taking his gaze off the direction Lydia went.

"What  _I've_  done?!  You're blaming this all on  _me!?"_

"You bet your ass I am!"

"Do you take responsibility for anything, like, ever??"

"Not if I can help from it.  However, I didn't do anything wrong this time."

"Oh?  And I suppose you grinding up on my woman during that so called 'dance' was innocent and not a slight against me?"

"Once again, ya know nothin' about me."  B.J. shoved his hands in his pockets and peered dejectedly over the hill of the driveway.  "The samba was the very first dance I taught Lyds.  We had been talkin' regularly for about six months when, a competition opened in the Neitherworld.  She was so excited to compete that she begged me to be her partner.  Kid even offered her half of the prize money as a bribe.  I didn't wanna do it on account of me bein' lazy and all, but I didn't wanna disappoint her either.  So, I agreed and we spent days workin' on that routine.  Lyds had me up every night after homework memorizin' those steps and changing what didn't feel natural to her.  We took third place... and she still has that trophy in front of all her other first place ones because she's most proud of it.  So... to answer your question, no.  It wasn't a slight against ya.  She chose the routine.  We dance like that because I tied our feet together our first few lessons in order to show her how it felt to step using my own stride.  Ya know, so she would develop muscle memory in her legs.  She's the one who thought it would be impressive and original for the judges if we did part of our performance that way."

"You are so full of shit."

"Go ask her yourself.  Can't ya see that this whole trip has been about Lyds tryin' to revisit her childhood?  I might be the perv, but  _you're_  the one who keeps turnin' everything dirty with your paranoia and insecurities.  Lydia wouldn't betray you and it's as if you're just waitin' around the corner ready for anything that could be misconstrued as such.  I wouldn't be mad at her if she broke her promise again because I understand and respect fidelity.  However, somethin' tells me you would snap if that ball was in my court instead.  Ya might have babes fooled, but I can see ya comin' apart with every move I make regardless of intent.  Ya think ya have everyone convinced of how suave you are and I see right through it.  I can tell that you're hiding somethin' and I would know; I'm the kind of guy who  _always_  has somethin' to hide."  Vick stood looking indignant and almost petrified.  'So I'm right.  He  _is_  hiding somethin'.'  Beetlejuice continued without allowing Vick to speak.  "Well, I'm sure everyone has their secrets.  One thing I know for a fact:  if I  _ever_  find out you raised your voice like that to Lydia again, I'll hold your head under water 'til the bubbles stop.  That's a promise I can keep."  Beetlejuice disappeared without hesitation leaving Vick in a wake of smoke.

"The nerve of him!!  Oooh-fff... fucking bastard...  Insecure?  Insecure!  That is the buzzword I keep hearing from her.  Fine.  I'll show them 'insecure'..." Vick ranted to himself before returning to the party.

Back inside, B.J. hunted Lydia down to ask her a burning question.  "Lyds!  Hey!  I need to ask ya somethin'," he called while chasing after her.

"Beej, I'm not in the mood right now," she sighed.

"But, it's important."

"What?-BJ?  What?"  She wasn't expecting him to take her hand and lead her off of the kitchen into the closet that used to be her dark room for developing photos.  "Why are we in here?"

Ignoring the irritation she was obviously radiating, B.J. turned on the light which was a normal light bulb since the girl had left home.  He casually leaned against the pile of boxes that occupied the once organized space and said, "Outside, ya warned us that if we kept on, you would hafta choose between us."

"Yes, and I meant it."

"Between you 'n me, who would ya pick??"

"I'm not even dignifying that with a response.  Goodbye, BJ," Lydia's voice was chilled as she turned to leave.

She felt his hand wrap around her forearm in a gentle coercion.  "Hold on a minute, babes!"

"No.  I am done with this tonight.  I know you don't see it because you're incapable of thinking outside yourself most times, but Vick isn't the only one at fault.  You do all you can to provoke him then throw your hands up as if you're shocked he reacted.  You want him off your back?  Stop antagonizing!  It's that simple.  And I  _don't_  mean stop joking and playing silly games.  I'm strictly speaking on how you interact with  _me_."

"But...  We've always been that comfortable with each other..."

"We have.  And, now I'm with someone.  Pretend you had a woman who had this kind of relationship with an old friend.  You would kill him, Beej, and you know it.  That's how Victor feels.  I'm finally starting to understand that.  As incredibly selfish as that question was, I, sadly, understand why you would ask it.  However, I refuse to answer simply because telling either of you my definite choice would leave no chance for peace between you."  A long silence passed between them before Lydia broke it.  "I need to get back to the party.  I'm sure everyone is wondering what happened to me again.  Do me a favor and, please, exit from a bathroom or something."

"Sure thing, babes..."  His heart pleaded in his chest to stop her again - to pour everything out before the moment slipped away.  Yet, the cramped room that once belonged to her was not ideal for a confession.  No, he would try another time.  For now, he let her reenter the main crowd throwing all ambitions for the evening out the proverbial window.  Two thoughts wrestled in his head combating for priority of his attention.  One was whether or not he should continue his hospitality towards Victor Black and invite him to a Christmas party he had been planning.  The other thought was, given he did invite Vick, when would he ever be able to drag Lydia away for any extended amount of time?  Never had he struggled so much on doing the right thing, however, never had his relationship with his best friend ever been on such a thin wire.  "Damn!  She was right!  I hate it when she's right...  Why do I have to care so much about her?!  Why anyone at all?  I used to be dirty, loud, crude, and a total blast to be around.  I haven't felt at all like myself since she's been back.  ...  And, I was  _too_  much my old self when she was gone."  With a short huff, he teleported himself into the kitchen where he could emerge unnoticed.  The moment he set foot in the noisy living room he caught sight of Lydia and Vick having a calmer version of the prior argument.  "Lyds!  Hope I'm interruptin' something!"

"Don't you mean 'not' interrupting?" Vick questioned in frustrating.

"Nope.  I wanted to make sure I invited ya to my Christmas party tomorrow.  It's usually just another night of debauchery for me but, since Lyds came home, I thought I might switch things up."

"You do realize you're inviting _both_ of us, right?" Lydia questioned.

"Keep on and I might change my mind..."  Lydia gave him a wry smile and he couldn't help shoving his hands back into his pockets.

"The invite is much appreciated.  However...  I...  I won't be joining you tomorrow," Vick pushed through the words.  Before Lydia could follow her look of disbelief with scolding words, Victor continued.  "Sweetheart, you keep saying that I have an issue with insecurity.  Well, maybe you have  point.  After all, you have male friends in California and I'm not seethingly jealous over  _them_ , so I want you to go without me tomorrow and have fun."  He chastely pecked her cheek reaffirming his statement.

"Wait one minute.  Why don't you just come with me??"

"I might trust you entirely, but he still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  We just don't jive and I feel it best if we spent little time as necessary together."

"Are you sure?"  Lydia was failing to mask her astonishment.  "What about the others you met?  They will all be so disappointed."

"There will be other times.  It's not like I don't know how to get to the Neither on my own."  With smile and wink, Vick showed her exactly how earnest he was.

Beetlejuice, on the other hand, was internally celebrating.  He had no qualms using this putz's heartfelt attempt to play in is favor.  What was it to him if Prick-Vick would be fool enough to allow him opportunity?  "Then, I'll see ya around four?  Babes??   _Lydia_?!"

"Huh?-Yeah.  I'll be there," she replied under her breath still amazed at her fiance's sudden turn around.  Another Christmas melody filled the room and they excused themselves from B.J.'s company to share another dance.  He crassly rolled his eyes as they walked away.  It was as if she were caught in a spell with Mr. Black much to his annoyance.  He began entertaining the notion that is efforts might be for not.

Just as his thoughts began to stir, Prudence came up beside him with a twinkling eye asking, "How did it go?"

"You look as if something went sour," Bertha remarked joining her friend.

"Nothin' happened.  Ol' Prick found us at the wrong time and it didn't happen," B.J. told them plainly taking another glass of wine.

"Sorry, BJ.  We couldn't hold his attention for long.  He was pretty adamant on finding Lydia," Prudencec explained.

"Don't sweat it.  I have new plan.  In the mean time, I think I'll make it a real 'mean' time.  Know what I mean?"  Beetlejuice grinned mischievously and snapped his fingers.  Instantly, chorus of screams echoed throughout the house with the loudest being Charles.

Among the chaos, Lydia found her ghoulish friend and marched right up to him.  "What did you do?  Beej, you promised!"  The cross look on her face told him she wasn't in the mood for games.  But... he tried his hand anyway.

"C'mon, babes!  Don't ya know the old story?  'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirrin'-"

"-Except for a louse..."

"That's not it!" he chuckled as Lydia bent down to pick up the scurrying rodent that had caused such an uproar.  "Though, it does rhyme."

" _No. More._   You already distressed my aunt with your buzzer.  And... I nearly caused riot with my vulgar display of immaturity as it is..."  She cut her eyes away shamefully.

"Is everything okay, Lydia?" Bertha voiced her concerns.  "You've been down on yourself lately and it's making Pru and I worry.  Not to mention what happened at the bar..." she whispered the last part.

"Oh... that...  I'm fine!-Really!  I've just been under stress with finals and work, plus I now have a wedding to plan, a house to hunt, and this knucklehead to look after again."

"Are you sure??" Prudence questioned.  "I don't think I would be okay after something like that, Lydia.  And we know Claire didn't help.  We admire your resolve, but you don't have to pretend with us."

"I'm not pretending.  I have a court date in a few months, my parents don't know yet, and help arrived in time.  I'm okay, promise."

The two girls exchanged an a brief look of uncertainty but dropped the topic anyway.  B.J.'s cautious expression remained as he watched the subtle shifts in her body language.  There wasn't a doubt in his mind about Lydia's competency for holding her own in sticky situations, except what she experienced the other night was more than their typical mischief.  Decisively, he didn't let her see the worry on his face and quickly washed it off with a joke.  "Hey, babes!  What does one 'ho' plus two make?"

"Um...  Hohoho?"

"One jolly Santa, that's what!  Haha!"

"BJ!  Don't be crude!  Tell your shady jokes later," she suppressed her giggle.  His smile came easier knowing he could bring one to her pretty face.

The hour grew late and one by one the guests took leave including Beetlejuice.  Lydia sent him home, bid her parents a goodnight, and kissed Vick before retreating to her old room.  She had considered asking her future husband to stay with her for the night except she wasn't ready to show him the rare side of her she felt rearing.  No, she wanted to deal with the feelings that strangled her chest alone.  Hesitantly, Lydia took a deep breath and entered her dark room for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!! It's been so long since I updated this!!  
> I don't think anyone will notice but hey. Here's to hoping.
> 
> Song of inspiration:  
> "Red, red wine, goes to my head,  
> Makes me forget that I  
> Still need you so  
> Red, red wine, it's up to you  
> All I can do, I've done  
> But memories won't go  
> No, memories won't go  
> I'd have thought that with time  
> Thoughts of you would leave my head  
> I was wrong, now I find  
> Just one thing makes me forget  
> Red, red wine, stay close to me  
> Don't let me be alone  
> It's tearing apart  
> My blue, blue heart  
> I'd have thought that with time  
> Thoughts of you would leave my head  
> I was wrong, now I find  
> Just one thing makes me forget  
> Red, red wine, stay close to me  
> Don't let me be alone  
> It's tearing apart  
> My blue, blue heart" -- Red Red Wine - UB40


End file.
